Why my friend? *big hugs*

just a lot of drama and bad luck and ill timed shit and other problems. i want to run away. i want to scream. i want to do a lot of things i cannot.

Scream in a pillow! That's what I do when I've had enough. I've actually started therapy again here recently, and even just talking to someone you trust, it doesn't even have to be a professional, really helps out a lot. Deep breathing and meditation seem to calm me when I'm having tough moments. I'm sorry to hear that you're having drama and shit like that, but I'm here for you if you need anything. I'm seriously just a phone call and a few miles away *hugs*

i just need to find someone that is not connected to any of this.

i usually scream into a sink of water myself.

Hang in there. *hugs*

i'm trying. I know i will not give up. the damn little ganesha in me will never let me.

*hugs*

hugs

i'm sorry

Don't be sorry to me, I am your friend and I understand this feeling all to well. I also know that there is NOTHING I can do to help! So

please dont give up you maybe having drama but it will pass just enjoy life to the fullest live life every day like its your last i know i do

as i know some day i won't be able to see the beauty that goes into art i wont be able to draw a thing as i am slowly going

permanently blind do to a pesudo tumor cerbri but as my sight gets weaker my other senses get stronger so maybe not like me but

just roll with the punches as it is.

i keep trying to. of late i have been trying to get a nice yard since someday i will not have legs anymore that work. or with the diabetes no legs at all. and of course other things will go with them. which is why i do not need all this extra crap. I have been rolling with the punches for so long now i just want a break from them. part of the situation i have right now i figured was going to be that break. it seemed like such a huge bright ray before me. and it is turning to ash before me. which is why i despair now.

I know that feel. I hope it passes for you soon.

so do i. one way or another.

What you fight through only serves to make you stronger and wiser for future life-fuckery. I'm sure you're strong enough to survive, just keep punching life in the eye. c:

diversity is reality. it is not a matter of giving up anything, other then expectation.

if we expect nothing, but choose what is our to choose, as wisely as we are able, then we can enjoy what we can, instead of dwelling on disappointment with what we cannot. which is always many.

i did not choose for this world to be one that romanticizes and even worships aggressiveness. i did not choose to have thoughtless neighbors, or deliberately harassing ones, as the case may be.

i do not know what if anything about me attracts them, or if it is only complete coincidence that they are there.

but i do know reality does not begin nor end with whatever it is that motivates them or whatever it is they choose to believe.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/morose

"1. He became morose and withdrawn and would not talk to anyone."

Yeah, surfacing for this, doesn't bode well eh. I think I may have hit on one of the roots of my current condition, possibly the core thing. It's the fact that I've seen small acts cause such huge horrors. I've seen one piece of human filth wipe out tremendous efforts towards the good. I've seen that pain can be so much more intense and long-lasting than any peace or pleasure one can give. It makes me feel so bleak and helpless.

this is how i feel right now. i have done and was doing things like taking those who were lost or needed help. and it seems every time i get bitten. hard. i do not know if it is me or others actions that get this result. but i am tired of fighting the uphill battle. i just truly wish to give up and lay down. I am tired of being a villain or monster. i am tired of being the bad guy in all things once people decide it is time to throw me away. I am tired of being used. i am tired of stupidity and stupid shit. i am tired of being the punching bag while being told i am not. and i am so so so tired of people lashing out at me.

Who the hell would ever dump on you? Yeah, what monstrous things have you been up to! I dig that fatigue, feels like you're running on fumes, and just keep running and running. Too long of a string of bad without the good to balance it out. I wish I could be that person who could just be and do for you until you're fueled up again.

Here's good news, maybe this can be a bit of a contact high for you. Best I can do.
First place, Interlake Juried Art Contest.
http://i633.photobucket.com/albums/.....rama_109bs.jpg

HOLY SHITFUCK IS THAT BEAUTIFUL!


amazingly the person dumping on me is someone that til very recently was one of my most trusted friends. they have been going through a bad time of late and are taking it out on everyone around them. and since they live with me i seem to be the main scratching post. though from what i hear since i am not on the facebook i guess he does a fair share of bashing people there too.

Ah yes. Why do we hurt the ones we love? Because the ones we hate won't let us.

+

I'm pretty sure I read that in a B.C. cartoon. Thank-you Johny Hart for that snippet of wisdom. Well, you know I hate giving long-distance advice for shite I'm not party to, it's always rather pretentious isn't it. I'd say the usual obvious etc etc, you're not the source of his troubles, you're there to help, etc etc. Remember it ain't you.

Finally getting ripping nice weather with low humidity! Got the polar mount hacked real nice, and eagles to observe. I'm gonna be run ragged but hopefully will have some good stuff to post soon.