Everyone has to start somewhere.

Unfortunately not everyone ends up like you, not necerally well known. But the ability to be social.
Many of these "uncomfortable" tag along or butt in furs are trying to make friends and one should go to the effort to be polite and introduce yourself, have a quick chat, introduce them to others.
But, they really must have some sort of personality to back it up.

As you said, you dialled the personality up to 11. You had one.
I've come across many a fur who are very awkward to try and have even a simple conversation with. I'm sure they're into something, like trains perhaps?

Remember, just because we're furry doesn't mean we all get along or share the same interests or personalities. You should treat others how you would like to be treated.
BUT!

It's really up to the individual to make friends and shouldn't fall onto the responsibility of others. Hell having a large group of people talking about furry, that's one of your bases covered.
Maybe you spot someone playing pokemon or talking about rubber clad huskies. Whatever it may be, like you I hope people find a group they click with.

Not sure about confuzzled, but many conventions and meets have a "meet and greet" right at the start.
But panels and general convention atmosphere is a great place to meet people, I really don't think you could do anymore that what is already happening.
At FurDU, I'll go up to many people who seem to be "loners" ask them how they're doing, introduce to them to other groups who seem the same.

I made so many friends back at FC03 just from being "that guy".

Really up to the individual and how they go about doing it I guess.

I guess that being part of a cons organisation, I feel responsibility.

Social awkwardness is a fact of life, but I don't want a convention to be like high school. =OP

Maybe meet and greet is the answer, some hosts whose job at the con is to unashamadly match make furs to interest groups. Make sure the party all goes along swimmingly =OP

At FurDU, It makes me just as paranoid. I feel like someone isn't having fun.

I watched one guy last year mope around all con alone. This year was laughing with a group of friends he met last year.
It takes time, you can't force friendship and trust me, by putting a con together, you're already helping a great deal.
If they have the personality of a wet sponge, really not much else you can do for them.

I guess it comes down to introverts and extroverts.
Extroverts are easy, they can make friends with no more than a smile and an easy manner, and can make the best of what they got.
Introverts usually don't know how interesting they really are, and hide their merits behind their shyness. Its those that get lost in the shuffle, and everyone is the poorer for it.

That said, i was probably some mixture of both - trying to front as a wild and crazy guy whilst quietly dieing inside. =OP

You seem to have nailed this on the head.

Personally I'm quite the introvert, a shy person who can interact fairly well when its through a screen, but in person I stammer and feel like an outsider.

I guess it would just take me meeting some fellow furs or people in the same "boat" as me to help me crack this shy thing and essentially find my place in the community.

CF usually has the 'My First Con' event that peeps can go to. Didn't get chance to go my first time so don't know what actually goes on. but maybe it'd be good place to start the matching thing o.o

Hoping this year to actually be a bit more outgoing. now I actually know people and such. Problem is they are mostly staff ^_~ And I know how busy you guys get ^_^

Is nice to see you attached to CF this year. Been a long time lurker/watcher ^_^

I can’t thank you enough for posting this. It’s reassuring to hear that a well known furry once felt rejected by the fandom. I am most definitely that guy now that you once were, trying desperately to be interesting – and failing miserably. I don’t like attention seeking, but I feel so alone at the moment that everything I say or do must come across that way. It’s embarrassing and shameful, really. I’m still yet to attend a convention. Ironically I have found someone who is going to Confuzzed this year, who freely offered to help introduce me etc, and I even live in the U.K. and you know what? I’ve going on a once in a life time trip with my college to South Africa right over the convention dates! It’s Sods law. But even that won’t be interesting to others. I really do question how someone who can’t draw or animate or make fursuits etc. could ever fit into this fandom.

Anyway... Thanks for sharing this.

Dont worry, they'll be other confuzzleds, and other conventions. And, damn, south africa, that's meerkat central =O)

Cons are odd beasts. My first couple I swear I had as many downs as ups, but afterward I got a tremendous boost of self confidence. Its as if the subconsious, seeing so many furries, starts to feel better about being this way. You can hold your head up that much higher knowing that your mob is out there somewhere. =O)

All those odd notions that set you apart out there, are what make you fundemantally part of the furry community.

Everything else, well thats just comparing tail size...

I know there will be other opportunities to attend conventions; it’s just typical that something bigger and / or more important always manages to get in the way.

Yes South Africa it is indeed meerkat central. The whole trip is a safari, so I’m seriously hoping to see some wild meerkat colonies while out there. ^^

Being furry is not just about drawing art, animating, or making fursuits. Sometimes it's about appreciating art, animation, or wearing fursuits. Sometimes it's just about hanging out with other folks who appreciate the same things and with whom you can have a conversation about the latest cartoon movie or the problems of wearing clothes on fur, and not get a very strange look.

Furry is a community and a state of mind. Not everyone in the community is wonderful (and not everyone is in the right state of mind), but it's still nice to know you can belong somewhere.

You’re right, of course. Since Deezlberries has most likely heard it a hundred times, and even states above that he’s been there, I was jumping straight to the point that non-artistic furs do have it harder, relying on the skills of the artists to create their characters. All I’m trying to say is if you can draw, for example, you have an easier way into the fandom and you will find yourself fitting in, if that is truly what you want. Those without artist skills have to put more effort in finding a way to fit in – and that is what results in the attempts to be interesting.

That's not all, being a Furry brings out all the hidden parts of your Imagination and through yourself into Reality! In a Sense - we are the Charecter created by our own Imagination!

Yes, I have agree with you there. I personally take quite a bit of pride in my imagination (without trying to boast), so I've always tried to use the fandom as an outlet for my imagination. ^^

I know so many people it's hard to keep track sometimes. But if you ever are at some event where I am too, I'd love to say hi!

The plus of being an artist is that if you're shy like me, at least it's some conversation starter. (as in... people start the conversation with me) Now that I've been around for longer I found out that being shy around these people isn't really neccesary in the first place.

Some of my best friends I've made through 'furry' aren't even artists or very active online at all, I just really enjoy being around them.

A big part for me initially before getting into suiting and DJing at cons was the whole hanging out with friends and meeting folks I knew online. My first con was AC '03 and I spent most of it hanging out with folks I knew from home and meeting others they met. Over time, it was easier to get out there. I guess with a few cons I've been to more recently, given I don't get online much and have a busy schedule, I was a bit sad to see most folks knew me only if in my fursuit or my stage presence when DJing rather than if I was plain clothed and standing right next to them. I had folks after one con reply to my journals asking why I didn't say hello all con when I was standing right next to them on and off for hours of the con and even said hello a couple of times. I tend to like the smaller cons and honestly suit less at times now just because I like hanging out and being social often more than being a silly fuzzy pup. Furdu this year was pretty good and I made a point to party with folks that weren't from where I live so I could meet new people. I suppose for someone who just wanders around often at cons as who he is from day to day, it can be hard to fit in when others are trying to go to extremes to stand out or live those in real life.

It's always nice to read others experiences that have been involved in the fandom for some time as well :)

Oh, I do agree, the more cons you go to, the more people you meet, and it snowballs from there.
Still, like you say, its funny how a con can still make you feel left out. I think its down to how intence cons can be.
Suuuure, in a couple years of con going things will get better, but dammit, you traveled hundreds, or thousands of miles and spent your savings getting there right now! And theres just a few short days till the con ends. And a kind of desperation sets in =OP

lol, well I suppose maybe the last two were better since work paid for my travels and I just happened to be near the cons ;) But I do know what you mean. I guess it depends on who you are with and how you spend it. I had some cons I enjoyed but longed for much more than the particular experience I got. Others where I go to events and feel as if I've seen and done those before, but enjoy watching newer folks ask the questions or participate. Some where I party hard and apparently had a great con, but the blur and headache at then end sometimes make me question it :P Others where I miss friends I had grown close to while at the con. Even after so many cons, I can still leave a mixed bag of emotions and one confused doggy as to how it all went once back home and at the daily grind.

This is pretty much why I stoopped going to meets. The first few ones I was putting on the silly attention seeking look at me act, but Im genuinley someone who prefers a quiet chat while drawing or something. I realised I was totally out of my element with all the furry drama talk, pokemon, digimon, my little pony, etc.

It was a shame I didnt fit in but I didnt want to put up a fake act all the time

Heh, I've NEVER cracked furmeets. At least at cons theres more to do, the extra organization helps, and heck theres more furs to choose from. Those people I've gotten on with at meets often don't turn up again for the very same reasons as you.

People never go again because the people they probably would of gotten on with have 'never gone again' on previous occasions. So a whole subset of the community stays at home.

I guess I prefer just quietley drawing at a meet but people think I don't want to be disturbed. I started going to find people to chill and draw with, but I have a fairly niche fatty theme and am usally too bothered about weirding people out if I draw the stuff I love drawing. Basically I never seem comfortable putting doing what I enjoy.

Eh, I have been invited to the Manchester meet on saturday but I can see it going like my last two where I was just left alone when I wanted to be my quiet self. I left after half an hour of my last meet. I've always thought I would be more suited to an art class but what I draw would make it hard to fit in. I have very little interest in suiting but it is the best place I can think of to be myself and meet people to draw with.

It was my first furry convention last year. I'd cut my teeth going to meets, trying to find people to hang out with but being largely too pre-occupied to think of striking up a conversation. Though I don't try to draw attention to myself, sometimes I wonder if I'm "that guy" you describe; hanging around others like a bad smell, not knowing for sure whether they actually want my company or are just being polite though they'd rather I left them alone. I get so paranoid about these things, and I always find that I'd rather keep quiet over the risk of making a fool of myself. I feel very introverted.

Hopefully this year at ConFuzzled it'll be easier, but this last year has made me feel like my confidence has been shot to Hell, so I'll probably still end up being the odd introvert.

This fandom, more than most others, is a great social experiment that actually works pretty well, IMHO. Allowing otherwise painfully shy folk a forum where they can express themselves and "dip a toe" into the social thing without too much fear...hell, they can even go in a suit and be totally divorced from personal judgement, at least of themselves as people, until they can hang with the furs they feel a kinship with. I do think most of us choose our fursona based on our own view of ourselves and that tells other furs a lot about you right away. I think that is one reason lots of furs have hybrid fursonas, because they see a mix of the two animals in their personality. Even having artists do commissions of your fursona spreads the word about yourself with no personal interaction, and at a Con, like minded furs can seek you out to offer friendship. My first was Confurance 14, the last Confurance, but I went alone and somewhat afraid and came home with a bunch of new friends who are still friends today. I know the fandom often gets a bad rap on many fronts, but helping shy folks become accustom to personal interaction is one aspect that works well.

It's not your responsibility to ensure other people have a good time. The newbie congoer will learn fast that cons are like that- a lot of things to get distracted by, and it's not a personal slight.

Oh, it's totally how the world works, for good or for ill.

This reminds me of somebody I know.

Ya know, I never been to a con, but I always wanted to.
Every time I hear people getting ready for a con, going to a con, at a con or getting back from one, it makes me envy them that it's a normal "every now and then" thing for them while I still have never been to one.

But I get around to thinking... If I go to a con, what will I do? Who will I hang out with? I can't draw so I won't have anything to present...
It makes me depressed, like one day I'll actually be able to go, and when I get there I won't have anyone to talk to, no one will be interested in "that guy no one knows" and it'll end up depressing me through the whole con...

This pretty much describes how I feel. I've been told by multiple people that it's not worth going to a con unless you're going with a group of friends, which makes me wonder how they've made all these real-world furry friends in the FIRST place... There was a con in my town last weekend, and even though I couldn't go because I had too much work to do, I wouldn't have gone anyhow because I didn't want to be a weird loner. It got to the point where I was posting this sentiment on other people's journals about the con, hoping ONE of them might volunteer "hey, come on out, and if nothing else, you can always kick it with me and so and so..." but of course that didn't happen.

I've had a few people who know me say "If you go to a con I'm at I'll show you around and get you to meet some people" but half those people are halfway across the world and go to cons like Eurofurrence(Hope I spelled that right) and those cons I doubt I'll ever get to go to.

My only hope to have a good time at a con is to be social and just go up to people and be ... well, social (which I'm VERY bad at).

You know, i cant say enough that although my first cons were a rollercoaster of emotions (and, frankly, a bit of a mindfuck), their effect upon me was positive.

Half an hour hanging out with someone in RL is equal to months chatting to them online. The low points are crappy, but generally pass quickly, the high points stay with you, often in the form of new friends.

A con presents a thousand opportunities, and even as you kick yourself for missing 986 of them, you still leave with 14 moments that can make it all worthwhile.

Aw, too bad... I was there. I'd have smoked you out. ;o) Nothing to be afraid of at a furry con, really... they are where our own group gathers. No one judges you for being an outsider, because we've pretty much all felt like that. A furry con is a nice suspension of normal human reality, and a LOT of furs have been in your boat, myself included (still to an extent). All I can say is that the sense of freedom to be my animal self amongst other animals was such that I literally cried when I had to leave my first furry con, Mephit Furmeet '99. A furry con, regardless of its size, is a *huge* recharge and affirmation for one's animal self.

Damn, now that is an invitation I definitely would have taken up (and reciprocated). Next year perhaps.

No need to wait until next year... Furlaxation will be held for the first time in a little over four months, also in Columbus. I'll try to remember to remind you, although we can still smoke up before that... ;o)

www.furlaxation.org

Oh, awesome! Hopefully I will be there, though I may be in LA working at an internship... I am going to a cookout for local furs next month, but you said you're in the NW part of the state?

Well... took me over 6 years in the fandom to go to my first -anything-! Hehee. And when it came to my first few conventions, I spent a fair chunk of each wandering alone, hoping to bump into someone I knew. I was perhaps too polite, and bailed at the slightest hint of people seeming busy or otherwise occupied; can't say it did too much for me.

I'm a bit more well known now, I guess. Most of it has been down to gradual networking, I guess, something I bet a good personality will accelerate!

I would like to think that, if someone is showing interest in getting to know you (and not just showing an interest in getting something out of you), they they're worth putting some time into :).

That's very sweet of you.

I think cons can be very overwhelming, particularly if you're alone. And especially if you're young. I've heard of 18 year olds going to cons alone and I often wonder if they get totally blitzed by the enormity of it all, particularly the bigger events. I was already 25 by the time I attended my first con, which was AC 03.
I was kind of lucky in that I was able to link up with a pretty large group of friends who I already knew from an online group. If I hadn't had them to fall back on then I would have felt completely un-nerved. Subsequent cons during the past decade I always had a good friend with me, and by the time I did my first solo con - AC 11 - I was 33 and maybe a bit beyond the age where popularity matters. I also knew a lot of people from over the years, so I'd always find myself running into someone I knew. I always see young furs who are attending cons for the first time and I always try to be friendly if they say hello.
Now, I'm attending Confuzzled in a couple of weeks and it'll be my first time. Plus, I'll be travelling alone. So we'll see how I cope there!

Also... my eyesight has never fully recovered from the sight of those bright yellow trousers you were wearing at FC 10.

As I've been in the Fandom for about 3 years and as I've never been to any of the furmeets and Conventions - I don't know if I'm that guy! Due to money worries I won't be going to this year's Confuzzled, last year I wanted to go but once again price - next year I'm defiantly going to Confuzzled 2013! I draw Art and even create my own furry franchise, its small now but just think years from now on how big it will get! I've got a secret project planned from this Summer up to May next year that will change the way I do my Art forever! But of course you mentioned that you would bump into someone you haven't seen in years! Well if I went next year and let's say its 2020 - then I'll know the feeling!
I can only tell you that I'm in my 3rd Year in the Fandom so I've got up to 8 Years, till I can let you know - that's if your all still in the fandom and haven't left me. But then only time can tell, as I might meet Furs that are only just becoming "that Guy!"
I really do at times try to introduce a new way of doing Art that we've never seen before, it takes a long time for it to reconised.

Confuzzleds going to be my first Con in ooh a while and I've been mostly out of circulation in Furry for a few years.
Conventions I've found in the past to be a bit too hyper for me. Ive travelled with friends and while the experience has been fun.
On the whole they tended to be too much for quiet old me. I can take the buzz and excitement and noise for so long but I quickly emotionally burn out.

This year Confuzzled is almost local so I'm just attending. Also going on my own and not tagging along with friends.
If I can find a nice spot where I can quietly soak up the Convention atmosphere I'll be happy and if I bump into a few old friends all the better.
I may even bring the fox out of retirement and fursuit.

Got no commitments and not tied to any group. So when I run out of steam and just need to call it a day. I can make the short drive home and hopefully recharge my social battery ready for the next day.

I'm not hyper excited about going to Confuzzled but I am quietly relaxed about it, which for me is the best state of mind to be in :)

I like quietly relaxed its a very easy going place to be :)

I'll never forget hanging around with you playing Zephyrus. So much fun.

Now, the LARPS, wow... their a whole OTHER business of advanced mindfuckery. Their like some kind of social training weekend with animal costumes. =OP

I'm young and went to my first (furry) con at 16, second one I went to I was also 16, actually XD Though I'm young and all, I had some fun. Some of the time I did spend walking around alone, but other times I spoke to people and had fun. It's really hard to be shy at a con, and one who is shouldn't really expect to make many friends that way. Though I didnt meet too many people, I didn't expect to since I'm so shy. Either way, I did end up meeting a small amount of people who made my two cons extremely fun and I will never forget them.

I'm so so so glad you took the time to talk to me even just on the internet.

I think I would be in a very dark place if I didn't know you.

14 years into it. I've seen a lot of other "me's" down the years. Just thinking about, I'm sure a lot of people whom have been here have had similar experience of being that guy starting out hardly knowing anyone or no one at all. It kinda feel like an episode of Back to the Future just seeing yourself in someone younger with an itchin' to want to alter the course of time

Oh, I so remember Anthrocon 99. Believe me, you were one of the highlights of that con for me! I was so very happy to see you and I never thought you as a problem!

I know I suck at keeping in touch, but you are someone I really care about and hope that we will always be good friends. *hugs lots*
It seems the fandom has changed a bit in the past 13 years. I don't know if I've changed much at all...other than become more reclusive.

I miss the old days when cons were smaller and furry was more tight knit and accepting. Your at least a constant in my universe *hugs*

*hugs* oh yeah, you were, of course, brilliant, as were a lot of the alt.lifestyle.furry crew. I do have cringeworthy memories though... of trying too hard... butting in to private conversations... heck, sat in the back of the car, between Rael and Tirran, I think I was practically acting as a contraceptive. =OP

I think it's just a social thing. It happens in any fandom or industry. That happens in work environments with people too!

Teachers want to teach and leaders want to lead, you do both very well most of your time.

However the public con was YOUR (esp. being on staff), so no need for any guilt for treating it as YOUR time.

- Polo (Just answered because I am hyper-happy and remembered a conversation a week ago)