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Journals, eh?
13 years ago
General
I forgot how useful they were.
I might as well chronicle my life thus far, just for record-keeping purposes so I have a reference. Looking back into my past has been cathartic and informative.
In February, KrypticRaven dumped me. I was being way too emotional and wishy-washy and even I can admit that my behavior was beneath her. Also I've become a pretty heavy brony since previous entries, and she did not like that. C'est la vie.
In March, Liberty Medical fired me. Being absolutely as harsh and unforgiving to myself as possible, it's because I was too critical of the company's internal policy.
My patients would get upset and my sympathy went way too far.
You see, even though training said that one should "take ownership" of a problem, and to sympathize with a patient, it was patently stupid of me to ever allow it to sound as though I were taking their side against Liberty. That wasn't the intention, but it was, in their opinion, how it sounded.
I should at least note for the record that at the time, I was sick. I was taking antibiotics, a rather strong expectorant, and a mild prescription steroid to treat an upper respiratory tract infection, and if I can work sick, I do work sick. Sorry, my bad. It's somewhat likely that my judgement could have been occluded.
They also listed that I kept patients on hold way too long and also that the calls were way too long.
This was due to another conflicting little policy called one-call resolution. It was discouraged to disconnect from a patient with the task unfinished. I'll also note here that they never warned me that my hold times or call lengths were being an issue, and furthermore, during my performance review my supervisor said not to worry about it, but that it would eventually be looked at in the future! I regret taking his word for it.
Finally, they listed that I was indulging in completely irrelevant and non-productive discussion.
Several conversational elements were regarding Mr. Wilford Brimley, the official spokesman of Liberty Medical. This is company-specific product knowledge that we were encouraged to share.
We were also encouraged to make the calls with our patients genial and welcoming personalized experiences.
So that was my march! It sucked!
In April, my apartment complex informed me that they will be rejecting my lease for renewal. So I'm about to be homeless too.
This month, May, Liberty appealed my unemployment and won. So now I am totally unsupported and being told that I owe all the money I've been using to pay my electric bill and my rent back to the dirtbags who fired me. I will of course be appealing this, and if I lose the appeal, I'll just fall back on the truth:
I have nothing.
I have lost pretty much everything.
They can't squeeze blood from a stone and I welcome them to try. After this I'll file for bankruptcy because I've got zip. I'll have to borrow from SOMEONE, maybe family, to pay for the bankruptcy filing fees, as I'm told that you need money to have no money.
... KrypticRaven, you were right to dump me. I was a sinking ship. I'm glad you escaped okay. I hope you're in a better place right now, but I'm too ashamed to look at your life. I don't have a place in it. I'm slime.
Other than that, my Dear Sister Adrianna is having a major existential meltdown for reasons I can't adequately describe on short notice, and I am SIGNIFICANTLY less straight. I'm relatively sure I'm in love with someone, and they are actually male. And... that... is not bothering me in the slightest >_> I wish I could say I'm weirded out, but I'm really, really not. He is also a brony and he goes by the name Eclipse...
...white fur, green eyes... his manner is so gentle, so serene...
He reminds me of Lyliac.
I remember how she used to override her player to come back to me at Shadow Haven... Her poor player's life was made very complicated by this, but it really struck at the time as though there really was a connection beyond the reckoning of mortal perception between we two... Remembering of course that I thought that my life as Cyrus Draegur was still REAL back then. (Shit, wish I wrote more journal entries about the transition)
But the point is... if my Lyli truly was going to warp the laws of conventional reality and bend probability to come back to me... I wouldn't put it past her to opt for being born male if it just meant the chance.
I just wish it sounded a teensy bit less bat-shit insane.
I don't want to force Eclipse into a role that he most likely is not. He still dominates my thoughts day and night... Aside from extracting a little hope from the signs, he's... wonderful... truly wonderful even in his own right, in ways that I have directly observed, despite the similarities remaining uncanny. I want to know -him- though, regardless of mystical mumbo-jumbo... I want to appreciate him for -himself-... <3
Anyways that's enough faggin' it up from me >_>
J. Howard Christ I never thought I'd be attracted to a guy... *sigh*
I might as well chronicle my life thus far, just for record-keeping purposes so I have a reference. Looking back into my past has been cathartic and informative.
In February, KrypticRaven dumped me. I was being way too emotional and wishy-washy and even I can admit that my behavior was beneath her. Also I've become a pretty heavy brony since previous entries, and she did not like that. C'est la vie.
In March, Liberty Medical fired me. Being absolutely as harsh and unforgiving to myself as possible, it's because I was too critical of the company's internal policy.
My patients would get upset and my sympathy went way too far.
You see, even though training said that one should "take ownership" of a problem, and to sympathize with a patient, it was patently stupid of me to ever allow it to sound as though I were taking their side against Liberty. That wasn't the intention, but it was, in their opinion, how it sounded.
I should at least note for the record that at the time, I was sick. I was taking antibiotics, a rather strong expectorant, and a mild prescription steroid to treat an upper respiratory tract infection, and if I can work sick, I do work sick. Sorry, my bad. It's somewhat likely that my judgement could have been occluded.
They also listed that I kept patients on hold way too long and also that the calls were way too long.
This was due to another conflicting little policy called one-call resolution. It was discouraged to disconnect from a patient with the task unfinished. I'll also note here that they never warned me that my hold times or call lengths were being an issue, and furthermore, during my performance review my supervisor said not to worry about it, but that it would eventually be looked at in the future! I regret taking his word for it.
Finally, they listed that I was indulging in completely irrelevant and non-productive discussion.
Several conversational elements were regarding Mr. Wilford Brimley, the official spokesman of Liberty Medical. This is company-specific product knowledge that we were encouraged to share.
We were also encouraged to make the calls with our patients genial and welcoming personalized experiences.
So that was my march! It sucked!
In April, my apartment complex informed me that they will be rejecting my lease for renewal. So I'm about to be homeless too.
This month, May, Liberty appealed my unemployment and won. So now I am totally unsupported and being told that I owe all the money I've been using to pay my electric bill and my rent back to the dirtbags who fired me. I will of course be appealing this, and if I lose the appeal, I'll just fall back on the truth:
I have nothing.
I have lost pretty much everything.
They can't squeeze blood from a stone and I welcome them to try. After this I'll file for bankruptcy because I've got zip. I'll have to borrow from SOMEONE, maybe family, to pay for the bankruptcy filing fees, as I'm told that you need money to have no money.
... KrypticRaven, you were right to dump me. I was a sinking ship. I'm glad you escaped okay. I hope you're in a better place right now, but I'm too ashamed to look at your life. I don't have a place in it. I'm slime.
Other than that, my Dear Sister Adrianna is having a major existential meltdown for reasons I can't adequately describe on short notice, and I am SIGNIFICANTLY less straight. I'm relatively sure I'm in love with someone, and they are actually male. And... that... is not bothering me in the slightest >_> I wish I could say I'm weirded out, but I'm really, really not. He is also a brony and he goes by the name Eclipse...
...white fur, green eyes... his manner is so gentle, so serene...
He reminds me of Lyliac.
I remember how she used to override her player to come back to me at Shadow Haven... Her poor player's life was made very complicated by this, but it really struck at the time as though there really was a connection beyond the reckoning of mortal perception between we two... Remembering of course that I thought that my life as Cyrus Draegur was still REAL back then. (Shit, wish I wrote more journal entries about the transition)
But the point is... if my Lyli truly was going to warp the laws of conventional reality and bend probability to come back to me... I wouldn't put it past her to opt for being born male if it just meant the chance.
I just wish it sounded a teensy bit less bat-shit insane.
I don't want to force Eclipse into a role that he most likely is not. He still dominates my thoughts day and night... Aside from extracting a little hope from the signs, he's... wonderful... truly wonderful even in his own right, in ways that I have directly observed, despite the similarities remaining uncanny. I want to know -him- though, regardless of mystical mumbo-jumbo... I want to appreciate him for -himself-... <3
Anyways that's enough faggin' it up from me >_>
J. Howard Christ I never thought I'd be attracted to a guy... *sigh*
