I've stayed up all night once again in order to get adjusted to my work schedule at Target, and in the past few hours been subjected to incredible frustration on TF2 servers I normally go to for casual relaxation. But I've been wanting to write about this one for a while, and it's been quite some time since my last pretentious journal, so here it is. Rule 34.

(Also I just noticed I have 69 submissions in my inbox. lololol)

I'm sure I don't need to explain to most of you level-headed netizens what Rule 34 is. But, if you're new on the block or among that group of friends who now count me among "that weird part of YouTube" due to my last explanation of this principal, Rule 34 of the Internet states that "If it exists, then there's porn of it." One of the other rules- I believe 35- also states that "If porn for it does not exist, then it will be made." In all my life, I have never heard truer statements. I defy you to think of exceptions. I'll even put a page break so you can find your place when you come back from the futile effort.

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Couldn't do it, right? Both common sense and Google make fools of us all on this one. Grossed-out fools.

The rule itself is funny. Hilarious, even. It's both very hard to conceive, and a lot of the art in question is based in a specific fetish and stylized as such. But there is also hardcore porn of all your favorite characters out there, and it can cause some mental scars.

I'm not going to bash porn; that'd be ignorant. I (would) love to put my thing in her thing as much as any other guy and seeing it performed every so often is OK too. I'm not even anti-Rule 34: I'm fine with it existing, since we all have dark recesses of our mind that deserve to be explored. And if we all had artistic talent, then I'd wager we'd all also have a drawer full of pencil-sketched dicks and va-jay-jays somewhere. (Though if FA is any example, some people still have that without the "artistic talent" part.) We're all human and therefore like the sex. It's natural for this art to exist; and natural to enjoy it, too.

I did some thinking over how this comes to be (it's summer and I'm bored, shut up), and as someone who likes cartoons too much as it is, I used my own experience to gauge it. As far as I can tell, there are three "zones" of character affection:

1. Enjoyment
2. Affection
3. Attraction (aka AWWWW YEAH)

1. Enjoyment- "Liking" a character in its most basic sense. This is someone you enjoy seeing, or reading about, or playing as, or whatever. This is just any old character you see and like for whatever reason, and nothing more than that.

2. Affection- A step up from "Enjoyment," this is the phase where you have standouts. Characters you consider your favorite, though even then they might not make it into here. These are characters you really like, and identify with. The ones you'd want to spend an afternoon with, and have sweet bro time. You ever hug your pillow at night and wish it were a fictional character you like? That's affection. (...the fuck you mean, I'm the only one who does that?)

3. Attraction- Simply put? Lust. You like a character so much you want to do stuff to them. The good stuff. The stuff most of them lack the physical means to, come to think of it...

I'm sure we've all got a few that fall into the second and third lists; if not at the ready, at least if you had to pick. In fact, think of some! Just go ahead, let your mind wander. Imagine them showing up at your doorstep and saying hi. Going out for a walk, seeing a movie, having dinner. Going home, and kissing at the doorstep. The kiss lasts a little long... and then you invite them inside...

Congrats! You just created Rule 34. I'm so proud of you! Now go wash your hands.

The point of this journal is more for myself than anyone, as I caught myself complaining about certain Rule 34 pieces a few times in the past few days. But it's still a touchy subject with a lot of people, so I hope we can at least understand where people are coming from with a lot of this artwork. Though considering the source material for some Rule 34 that's out there, I'm still hopelessly confused. (Who the hell remembers "Brandy and Mr. Whiskers," and liked it to a point to draw porn of it? I swear, this internet... the front page has great timing.)

(This entire message comes with a personal disclaimer: In general I prefer to keep it in my pants, though that's my business. And what you do with your business is your penis. ...business. Whatever. I just want to affirm that I'm not advocating porn; just rationalizing its existence. It's big, strong... ever-present... existence... wait, what were we talking about?)