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Fustration
13 years ago
I don't post much mainly because I lead a very boring life, and its not easy to say whats on my mind.
Lately I have come to realize that I am the so called "joke of the party". There are the few exceptions but for the most part I am a tool to be used only when the need arises. I am seriously flawed, both mentally and physically. I hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid it. It has gotten so bad of late that if there is an argument or embarrassing situation in a movie or TV show I switch channels just to avoid seeing it. I never used to be like this and I am beginning to get to the point where i no longer know who the real me is. Everyday I get up, put on a mask and go to work. Also I cannot say what is on my mind for fear of offending someone. The word no just about doesn't exist.
An example .....A friend wants to go fishing, his car is older than mine and better suited to the place where he wants to fish. Somehow we always take my car. No matter where we go or what we do I have to use my car while his piece of shit stays at home and is non worse the wear.
i am sick of it, but yet i cannot say what is on my mind.
What is wrong with me............................
Lately I have come to realize that I am the so called "joke of the party". There are the few exceptions but for the most part I am a tool to be used only when the need arises. I am seriously flawed, both mentally and physically. I hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid it. It has gotten so bad of late that if there is an argument or embarrassing situation in a movie or TV show I switch channels just to avoid seeing it. I never used to be like this and I am beginning to get to the point where i no longer know who the real me is. Everyday I get up, put on a mask and go to work. Also I cannot say what is on my mind for fear of offending someone. The word no just about doesn't exist.
An example .....A friend wants to go fishing, his car is older than mine and better suited to the place where he wants to fish. Somehow we always take my car. No matter where we go or what we do I have to use my car while his piece of shit stays at home and is non worse the wear.
i am sick of it, but yet i cannot say what is on my mind.
What is wrong with me............................
Lafitte
~lafitte
What's wrong is anxiety is ruling your life. Fear is powerful motivator and the more legitimate reasons you have to be afraid the worse it gets. When the fear is, essentially, that others will find out they don't approve of the real you it forces you to lead a false life where the real you comes out less and less until you fear it's gone. I'm afraid the only solution... is to take risks. Be more open. But I also know that you have very, very serious reasons to not do that. I worry about you, hon... I hope you'll be alright.
Darkeraven
~darkeraven
OP
Thank you for the information, really appreciate it and you are right. My life is controlled by fear. Will keep you posted
