I will get to see my sister tomorrow for the first time in two years. It's a pretty big moment, and sadly, I can't help but wonder how things will go. Everything feels like a huge ass mess right now, and despite how much I try to do things like cleaning and whatnot, it still feels like it's not enough. But we'll see once we get to that point, I suppose. Gonna meet her fiancé too and their child. It... feels surreal, but I hope things go well while they're staying. I hope the dog won't cause any problems... it's a bit on the fiesty side.

Speaking of that, one of my mother's lesser liked brothers came to visit yesterday and really shook her up. Trying to compare their mother ending up in an old folks home to losing a husband for starters... his usual bullshit and rants about all these people out to get him, trying to run him over and whatnot, every dog in the nation trying to bite him... you name it. He's a bit of a drama queen at the age of 60 that blows everything out of proportion and is paranoid as fuck. But what really upset my mom was how he cornered the dog up against the table leg, because for some reason he thought she'd bite him, and started threatening the dog. If he so much as tries to do something the next time I see his ugly mug, I don't want to see him ever again. Not going past the doorstep, not going to talk with him... if bad comes to worse, I'd probably punch the asshole. Me, being typically swede, just get upset and grit our teeth and move on. That's how it's always been. But ever since my dad passed away, I've been having these bursts of anger. But that's normal, I guess... being angry and sad over losing someone way too soon, leaving behind a huge burden and emptiness that can't be filled.

The funeral is due tuesday. It will be my first... I have no formal wear, but it should be alright, I guess. What matters is the thought, and not appearance, right? I'll get to see my dad's older brother again... been way too long. I met his son last friday, and he's had some kind of relapse and was drunk as a skunk. He seemed like the kind that would always know what's best for someone else... you know those people. Know-it-alls or something... it was tolerable for a bit, but then I was getting annoyed with him. But I'm polite, so I didn't say anything. I'd prefer if he wasn't drunk that day...
He will be missing the funeral though, since he comes home from a vacation in the afternoon, and the funeral is in the morning. It's still so surreal... almost a month has passed and it's still so... unreal.

There seems to always be something to do around here, but oddly enough, not all moments are depressing or bad. I mean, we still laugh every now and then, talk... I'm usually doing chores, but she tries as well. I guess she has to keep herself occupied as well to get through this. According to a neighbour that's been very helpful, and the person we spoke to at the funeral agency, it could take atleast a year to get over something like this. It's tough... I seem to be managing, but in truth, I seem to be taking this a lot better than she is. Well, maybe from an outside perspective... I don't even know how I'm feeling sometimes. I feel blank, and I associate that with being okay. Sometimes I can't find the energy to do something although I really have to. Earlier today I pretty much hid under the covers for a few hours just to pull myself together.

God, what a goddamn pity journal this is, anyway... but I thought you guys should know what's up. I get by, although sometimes I just feel like giving up. All the tremendous feedback I got with my last journal was... kind of overwhelming. But I want to thank everyone, each and every one of you, for your support and your kind words. It really means a lot to me... even if I sometimes don't know what to say, how to say it, or if it is the right thing to say.