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I QUIT.
13 years ago
Okay, so now that I have your attention...
You know me. You know I'm not a screaming drama whore, and I don't hate you. In fact, as far as fans go, you guys have been amazing, supportive, friendly, and dare I say it, some of the best fans an artist could have. Hugs all around, I love you guys.
But something about being a well-known furry artist... I don't want that pressure anymore. Those of you who've been long-time fans, you know the drill: I draw prolifically (or at least reasonably frequently) for a brief while, then I start taking commissions, and then I disappear for anywhere from a few months to a year or two. Do you know why? I think I do.
It's the pressure. I don't do this for fun. I don't draw furries as a hobby, or as a job on the side. I do it as a form of release. But being well-known, I get a lot of pressure. A lot of people asking for trades, for commissions, badges, icons, character sheets, tips, critiques, convention schedules... And that's cool, that means you guys like my stuff. I'm flattered, I really am. But at the same time, I hate drawing for other people. It's like... using a knife as a screwdriver. It works for a while, but eventually you're gonna ruin the knife because that's not what it's for. Same here. I'm ruining my creativity and passion by using it to please others and to make money, instead of using it for its original purpose: as a means of personal expression.
But I can't seem to say no. Oh sure, I stop taking commissions for a while, and I tell people never again. But people keep asking, and people keep begging, and telling me how long they've been waiting, and how much money they'd be willing to throw at me, and how long they've admired my work, and eventually I start thinking "Maybe I can do just a few." Or "Maybe I can take just one, on auction." Or "Maybe if I just organize things better, and only take them when I feel like it, I can handle it." Or "Gosh, I'm broke/have a lot of free time/haven't had any good ideas lately/etc., maybe I can take some commissions!" And every time, that edge, that desire, that drive gets lost.
And I'm talking, when that happens, I'm repulsed by art. And I mean want-to-vomit-when-I-see-a-Wacom, rather-go-vegetarian-and-babysit-squalling-children, extreme-apathy-bordering-on-or-crossing-into-depression-just-thinking-about-drawing repulsion. THAT BAD. And occasionally, I'll get a little bit of an urge to draw something, and I'll chase it down, thinking that might be my opening to get back into drawing so I can just finish the work I've already been paid for... But no, I still hate it, and even worse, I hate the picture I've drawn to try and get back into it.
I still want to draw. I still have a painting I've been wanting to actually put a paintbrush to. I have sketches of my little dragon, Hashi, that I want to maybe do up in watercolor. I want to learn sumi-e.
But I just don't want to be a furry artist anymore.
Just to simplify and avoid some questions, I'm gonna make an FAQ:
Does this mean you're never going to draw furries again?
No. I still associate myself with my character, and it's fun having a cartoon persona you can pour your emotions into. I still have a couple pieces I'd like to see finished, eventually. I'm not going to take commissions, or trades, or draw anything I don't feel utterly inspired to draw, though. I'm tired of burning myself out like this, and I just can't keep it up anymore. I've tried everything, and I just can't do it.
Are you going to take down your gallery?
I've always sworn I'd never take down my artwork, and that still holds true. For good or ill, my name is irreparably associated with this character, and my art is scattered across the web.
Will you post the furry stuff you finish on here?
Sure. But I'm going to be posting a lot less frequently (yeah, that coming from someone who posts as rarely as I do in the first place). I'm probably going to take a break from art for a while to recover, and then when I do draw, there's no guarantee it'll be furry, so what I draw may not fit here.
What about conventions?
I still have a Dealer's Table at MFF this year that I fully intend to follow through on. But that's probably going to be the last time I run a dealer's table. In fact, the pressure at conventions is just as bad as on the Internet, if not worse... I dunno. Probably not. Conventions as a form of vacation, for me at least, are overrated and expensive. Most times, the only reason I CAN go to a con is either because someone else sponsored me, or I make enough at the table to cover it.
What about my commission slot?
I'm going to be refunding commissions and closing down my commissions request page. Most of the people on the list haven't even sent me any money. I'm sorry, I tried, I though maybe I could do it, but a knife just can't be a screwdriver. I hate disappointing people, but that's what got me into this mess in the first place.
What if we promise never ever to ask for any more art ever again?
That doesn't work. No matter how much you guys respect my decision, no matter how many times I post on my wall that I don't take commissions, no matter what precautions I take, some newbie off the Intarwebz will come across my stuff, look at the pretty pictures, ignore all the blaring warnings, and ask me if I do commissions/trades/giftarts/character sheets.
Will you be selling any more art?
Sure. I'm not going to take down my RabbitValley account, and in fact once I have some free time, I'll probably add some more stuff there. And if I do anything print-worthy in the future, I'll put that up too. Not to mention, if I DO finish any pieces in a physical medium, well, I don't collect my own art, so I'll probably auction it off or something. If I do, I'll post about it here.
But what if we pressure you again? I bet we can guilt you into coming back...
You have not seen the level of bitch I can become. I like being nice and making people happy, but for the sake of my own well-being, I will not be lenient if people try to push me back into the furry scene. If I do it, I do it because I want to, and not for anyone else, and that's the way it will always be. If I feel pressured, it will have the opposite effect: I will become more reclusive and hostile. The end. It's not something I want to do, but it's more likely that people will stop pressuring me if I stop being nice in response.
Oh damn. But... I thought we were friends?
If you're a friend of mine (and you know who you are), you're still my friend. I don't mind hearing from you, and I don't mind you asking about my progress with recovery (because really that's what this is: intensive care for a mortally wounded inspiration), but no pushing or persuading, please. I feel guilty enough doing this as it is. I'm literally crying at this moment.
You know me. You know I'm not a screaming drama whore, and I don't hate you. In fact, as far as fans go, you guys have been amazing, supportive, friendly, and dare I say it, some of the best fans an artist could have. Hugs all around, I love you guys.
But something about being a well-known furry artist... I don't want that pressure anymore. Those of you who've been long-time fans, you know the drill: I draw prolifically (or at least reasonably frequently) for a brief while, then I start taking commissions, and then I disappear for anywhere from a few months to a year or two. Do you know why? I think I do.
It's the pressure. I don't do this for fun. I don't draw furries as a hobby, or as a job on the side. I do it as a form of release. But being well-known, I get a lot of pressure. A lot of people asking for trades, for commissions, badges, icons, character sheets, tips, critiques, convention schedules... And that's cool, that means you guys like my stuff. I'm flattered, I really am. But at the same time, I hate drawing for other people. It's like... using a knife as a screwdriver. It works for a while, but eventually you're gonna ruin the knife because that's not what it's for. Same here. I'm ruining my creativity and passion by using it to please others and to make money, instead of using it for its original purpose: as a means of personal expression.
But I can't seem to say no. Oh sure, I stop taking commissions for a while, and I tell people never again. But people keep asking, and people keep begging, and telling me how long they've been waiting, and how much money they'd be willing to throw at me, and how long they've admired my work, and eventually I start thinking "Maybe I can do just a few." Or "Maybe I can take just one, on auction." Or "Maybe if I just organize things better, and only take them when I feel like it, I can handle it." Or "Gosh, I'm broke/have a lot of free time/haven't had any good ideas lately/etc., maybe I can take some commissions!" And every time, that edge, that desire, that drive gets lost.
And I'm talking, when that happens, I'm repulsed by art. And I mean want-to-vomit-when-I-see-a-Wacom, rather-go-vegetarian-and-babysit-squalling-children, extreme-apathy-bordering-on-or-crossing-into-depression-just-thinking-about-drawing repulsion. THAT BAD. And occasionally, I'll get a little bit of an urge to draw something, and I'll chase it down, thinking that might be my opening to get back into drawing so I can just finish the work I've already been paid for... But no, I still hate it, and even worse, I hate the picture I've drawn to try and get back into it.
I still want to draw. I still have a painting I've been wanting to actually put a paintbrush to. I have sketches of my little dragon, Hashi, that I want to maybe do up in watercolor. I want to learn sumi-e.
But I just don't want to be a furry artist anymore.
Just to simplify and avoid some questions, I'm gonna make an FAQ:
Does this mean you're never going to draw furries again?
No. I still associate myself with my character, and it's fun having a cartoon persona you can pour your emotions into. I still have a couple pieces I'd like to see finished, eventually. I'm not going to take commissions, or trades, or draw anything I don't feel utterly inspired to draw, though. I'm tired of burning myself out like this, and I just can't keep it up anymore. I've tried everything, and I just can't do it.
Are you going to take down your gallery?
I've always sworn I'd never take down my artwork, and that still holds true. For good or ill, my name is irreparably associated with this character, and my art is scattered across the web.
Will you post the furry stuff you finish on here?
Sure. But I'm going to be posting a lot less frequently (yeah, that coming from someone who posts as rarely as I do in the first place). I'm probably going to take a break from art for a while to recover, and then when I do draw, there's no guarantee it'll be furry, so what I draw may not fit here.
What about conventions?
I still have a Dealer's Table at MFF this year that I fully intend to follow through on. But that's probably going to be the last time I run a dealer's table. In fact, the pressure at conventions is just as bad as on the Internet, if not worse... I dunno. Probably not. Conventions as a form of vacation, for me at least, are overrated and expensive. Most times, the only reason I CAN go to a con is either because someone else sponsored me, or I make enough at the table to cover it.
What about my commission slot?
I'm going to be refunding commissions and closing down my commissions request page. Most of the people on the list haven't even sent me any money. I'm sorry, I tried, I though maybe I could do it, but a knife just can't be a screwdriver. I hate disappointing people, but that's what got me into this mess in the first place.
What if we promise never ever to ask for any more art ever again?
That doesn't work. No matter how much you guys respect my decision, no matter how many times I post on my wall that I don't take commissions, no matter what precautions I take, some newbie off the Intarwebz will come across my stuff, look at the pretty pictures, ignore all the blaring warnings, and ask me if I do commissions/trades/giftarts/character sheets.
Will you be selling any more art?
Sure. I'm not going to take down my RabbitValley account, and in fact once I have some free time, I'll probably add some more stuff there. And if I do anything print-worthy in the future, I'll put that up too. Not to mention, if I DO finish any pieces in a physical medium, well, I don't collect my own art, so I'll probably auction it off or something. If I do, I'll post about it here.
But what if we pressure you again? I bet we can guilt you into coming back...
You have not seen the level of bitch I can become. I like being nice and making people happy, but for the sake of my own well-being, I will not be lenient if people try to push me back into the furry scene. If I do it, I do it because I want to, and not for anyone else, and that's the way it will always be. If I feel pressured, it will have the opposite effect: I will become more reclusive and hostile. The end. It's not something I want to do, but it's more likely that people will stop pressuring me if I stop being nice in response.
Oh damn. But... I thought we were friends?
If you're a friend of mine (and you know who you are), you're still my friend. I don't mind hearing from you, and I don't mind you asking about my progress with recovery (because really that's what this is: intensive care for a mortally wounded inspiration), but no pushing or persuading, please. I feel guilty enough doing this as it is. I'm literally crying at this moment.
Good luck with all of your endeavors.
Cheers, K'sharra. Here's to one of my favorite artists out there.
I have the same issue.
I just simply cannot work my best doing art for other people. It made me burn out.
*highfives for you taking the initiative and whatnot!*
I already miss seeing more art from you, but i'll cherish anything that ever gets posted ^^
I wish i had more time in a day. I'd say hi more often! (instead of being the little hermit i'm becoming XD )
I hope your muse comes back soon
I was at a dealer's table ONCE before- and i realized immediately; NO Oh my god, NO!!! I'm never doing that. I go to conventions to go party and wear tails to tim hortons and be silly and all that- not sit at a table for 6 hours and not sell a single thing, and end up losing money and missing the fursuit parade.. yadda yadda... I actually didn't fursuit in the last one and i liked... not being the center of attention.
I mean, I'm an attention whore. I love posting art online and seeing people like what i do- making people happy while doing what you love feels GREAT. But i hate feeling the pressue-- maybe i don't want to reply to EVERY comment... maybe i don't want to thank for favorites... maybe i don't have time to do trades... i hate turning people down when they ask for commissions or trades...
But you have to stop and think about it; It's YOUR life, your time and effort putting into these things. YOUR CHOICE- you don't have to do these things. You don't want art as your job- you want it as a hobby.
You should make artwork and sell it after, and not take commissions
When I ask an artist to draw my character, I like to give them a verbal description more than a reference sheet. Because I want to see how that artist sees my character, rather than to see their rendition of my character drawn by another artist. It is not a picture drawn in their eyes. Sadly, most artists won't draw a character without reference material. And I feel the same about getting a fursuit too. I want to meet the creator in person so that they can get an idea of what type of person I am because I feel that will be portrayed in the final outcome as well. But if the creator I am speaking with shows little interest and is only doing it for the money, I am not going to get what I am paying for.
But like I said, I can see both sides here. People get too pushy and they have pushed you away from drawing furry art (at least for now). But like these insistent fans, I too would love one of your pictures. But I would never try to force you to draw something that you really do not have your heart set into. Because, like you said, you are going to ruin the knife. I think I may have provided more information than is really necessary, but hopefully that helps reflect where I am going with this.
Was it just with requests, or did people ask you for trades and bail on them?
Are you much of a gamer? If you ever want to blow stuff up, let me know. I'd love to help.
You're insanely talented, and your well being comes before anything else, please take care of yourself! best of luck, stay healthy and be happy!
I've always thought that as a 'popular' artist, YOU should always be the one in complete control. YOU should make things always be on your own terms. Give people any kind of lee-way or leave the door open just a little (you start thinking, "oh maybe I can do a commission... or trade") and you lose that control. Pressure/stress/anxiety should never be a part of the situation. You let your 'fans' or your 'popularity' get to you -- you lose every time. :/
Anywho, good luck with all future plans and... whatnot.
Seems what works best is when people have something like:
COMMISSIONS: CLOSED
TRADES: DON'T ASK
REQUESTS: U MUST BE RETARDED
Kidding about the requests thing, heh. About above though, for example, 'commissions' would be bold and in black, while the word following it -- "closed" would be in a color more eye-grabbing (normally 90% of time red, 5% blue/pink, 5% misc color).
That's a word now.
Anyway, now it's too late and I was too busy ranting about my own stuff to care about half of the stuff that people in my watchlist post... Now it's late and it's late and that's it. But just so you know, my vote is:
Always do what's convenient for you. People who love and appreciate you will understand what's better for you, and as much as some may try to pull you back, real friends, people who you know that ARE close to you, will understand that you need time on your own, and will wait you with endless patience. Even if you don't come back, we'll all be happy you did what you needed to do.
Farewell... *hugs*
Best of fortunes to you.
Good luck to you in your future endeavors.
I shall continue to watch you regardless of furry or other based art. :>
It's comes down to balance of self and audience
not to mention all the other crap :p
hah, I agree with you on conventions, I only ever bothered going to one since I live in Texas, it's like an all day trip to anyplace else, plus even cheap it's at least four hundred bucks for food and hotel etc just to spend a weekend with wierdos from the internet.... x3
Last thing I drew was over three years ago, and I'm still not ready to get back into it.
Let it be said that I've always enjoyed your posts (I have your account on + Watch as to see the cool stuff!) And I will be wishing you well and hoping to run into you at cons as a 'vacation' thing rather than a 'I want to buy from you' thing and I promise to give you a Soda and a Coffee Crisp on the house! Do feel better, chim up and repair that Drawing inspiration. Let it flow when you feel like it and not when the tap is turned on! *hugs* Cheers and I hope you smiles at least 3.14 times a day; if not more!
Note me and I'll mail you some canadian Chocolate and some Canadian Coca Cola.
Being a as well known as you does result in a vast amount of pressure, not just in terms of volume, but also, quality. It was a choice you needed to make and I respect that. If/When you choose to return, I'll be here.
Everyone needs a break now and then, and I hope that once you've cleared your head you can re-discover the joy in whatever it is you choose to do.
A great artist is a great artist not because of a character they draw, but because their art is great.
Okay, that totally sounded retarded, but I hope the idea came across. I know I'd happily follow you and your art no matter what you decide to draw, whenever you decide to draw it~
Enjoy your break hun, you more than deserve it. And thanks for being such an inspiration ~♥~
>^.^<
I wish you all the best and I do hope to see you post art here and there, even if it's just your own little release of emotions. You're a talented artist and clearly an amazing person. I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better! Good luck, dear.
I'll miss the submissions :)
But.
Having seen you in your art blocks, I know what's happening. And I'm not gonna pester you. Besides, I'm kinda broke at the moment.
*hugs*
Do what you gotta do, hon. If this never happens again, it's good. And we'll still do lunch. Even if the birthday lunch is delayed a bit.
If pressure consumes you, if it isn't funny or at last pleasant for you you must quit and over saturate yourself.
I always admire your art and talent i only have to say take care and when you really think you are in peace with your tablet then that day return to draw and show us your passion we are going to be here for you.
Stay safe
Was very much fun watching your gallery and I hope you can find your own happiness in life once more =)
But if you would like to, then do it. You have to do that, what it is the best for you. We love you as a fursona, and as a real person and just want that you feel better (or best).
And if you don't draw any furries anymore, I'm sure you will bring out amazing art anyways
thus, take care. I'll be here when you decide to return. :)
I love seeing your artwork here because I like your style and I have a thing for tigers But I also understand how much it sucks to always have people making demands on your time and taking away from the joy you get out of doing something. Myself, I wish I had walked away years sooner than I did. Then again my situation was different than yours, I had to deal with a highly abusive person on a regular basis who lied constantly about everything.
Whatever you do, good luck, I hope it all works out for the best for you.
Silvermane.
Have good rest Ksharra :)
Im glad you know what you need to do for yourself and are doing it! Get better and enjoy life! You are a great person and artist. I know a bit of what you are going through and I whole heartily support your need to go. Thank you for all your art and help. Take care!
Take care and godspeed.
stay in touch...
Well, doing what you need to is essential; I'm sorry that you've gotten burned out on all this. Hopefully, you'll still be around though. I really wish We talked more. I'm never any good at these journal comments.
In any case, there's no rule stating you have to do furry art to remain in the fandom, so... yea. Again, hopefully, you'll still be around.
The important thing is that you're happy, K'sh. That's the most important thing. and if anyone's earned a break from stress and hassles, i think you have. Just do what you need to and enjoy yourself now. :3 *snugs*
~Fait
In the end, though, it's as you said - a knife can be used as a screwdriver for only so long. I wish you didn't feel this was necessary, but in the end you're the best judge of what's good for you and you absolutely must do what eases you. Anyone who has the crust to complain, or to try to guilt you into reversing yourself deserves all the grief they get.
That said, I've re-watched in the hopes that you will choose to do the occasional thing in the future. Take care