Okay so epiphany might be a strong word in my case... but a sudden realization certainly fits!

Okay... so some of ya who read my journals or talk to me probably know about these hot flashes I've been having that make it hard to focus or be motivated to do much until they fade. It's my doctor's belief that since most of my triggers have been in stressful situations it's an increased sense/reaction of the fight-or-flight instinct. Thanks to one certain squirrel's comic recently and her commentary on it, I've come to a realization as to what's really been the problem. Now, I had earlier thought it was my living with my parents and the problems I'm having associated with that. Might be a contributing factor but here's the biggest thing. By forcing myself to live here through all my problems, I'm denying and supressing myself. All my real desires, wants and needs... I have no outlet for them! I have no place I can readily go to just relax and be every bit of myself I want to be. I'm either at school, at work, or going home to where I may be able to get online if I want but still cannot find the outlet for stress that I need. I think I actually do need to pad up again and enjoy some simple cub time. I live stressed in school, work, and at a home where I have to hide everything and it's causing physical reactions now. Thankfully I've two things to fix this. This coming Sunday I will be visiting my Momma Shibby for some cubby luvin times and last on through Thursday morning before I zoom back to Grand Forks to work. Second thing is I've set a general date in my mind where I will be taking my friends Taiku and Sylvester up on their offer to move in with them. If you're reading this Taiku I hope ya don't mind sometime before summer vacation ends. At the very latests it will be before our freakishly early snows.

Second "epiphany" came after I was about ready to go to bed. Realized I had to go pick my brother up from work so I took off and on the way actually had a realization about my own fetishes. They all stem from one or two feelings I dearly enjoy. The diapers thing, the vore, the mud... those ones all stem from the fact I like the feeling of a warm, wet, squish. Obviously a few things I don't like that would fit that description but that seems to fit them together at least! The babying, the few articles of bondage, and the vore again... that one stems from loving the feeling of being held. I like to surrender sometimes to somebody I can trust. I like to lay back in an embrace and let fears flow away. That feeling probably explains a few other things about me too but I am getting really tired now so I'm gonna bring this journal to a close. Thanks to those who took the time to read this!