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(comfort > love) = me
17 years ago
I've realized just this thing about myself today: I value comfort over love. You may reckon that I am not speaking about physical comfort here, but rather interpersonal comfort.
Thus, I can readily love a person - but keep distanced from him or her if I don't feel comfortable around this person. I've learned to trust this feeling of mine only recently, sadly, because it could have saved me and others quite a lot of emotional strife.
Also, interpersonal comfort is a measure of how giving I am with a given person. If I feel comfy with someone, I don't really demand anything of him/her, rather, I am driven to give what I can to that person. But the lower the comfort is, the more I feel free to be demanding, to the extent of outright posing a person before the choice of doing/being so and so or suffer the distancing between us. That can easily apply to someone I love - that's why I postulate that comfort > love to me. I don't say I won't regret this distancing - still, I will undertake it if my demands are not met somehow.
Well, you can say it's egoistic - I'd rather call it a defensive mechanism of steering out or abusive or painful relationships. I've learned that no amount of love can really make up for living in discomfort with a closely related person. Eventually, it just ends in pain for all sides involved. So, whatever the love is, I will keep distance if I don't feel comfortable, and the other's attempts to close it would be inevitably met by demands.
Now, that interpersonal comfort is hard to determine, as is with all the feelings. But one - and probably the key for me - trait of it is the ability to not care about emotions, while still feeling them. If emotions are still there but don't really dominate the "everyday" relationship between me and a certain person, then I feel drastically more comfortable with him or her.
Interestingly, I feel comfortable with most random people - so with that default feeling in my relationship with the outside world I'm quite a giving person. But I won't give indefinitely - as the randomness fades away with each other gift on my side, I will either set up some kind of interpersonal comfort with that not-more-random him or her, or demand more in return. That's why in most cases, I can't be a "loyal fan" of anyone and anything :)
And to sum it all, I guess the only "normal" notion of relation that comes somewhat close to that feeling of comfort, is friendship. Thus, I can conclude that my inner chemistry with people works like (comfort ~ friendship > love) = me.
So, thank you all who made, makes or will make me comfy - by that, you'r giving me the most treasured thing in my life! ^^ And that I will always try and do my best to return in full measure.
Thus, I can readily love a person - but keep distanced from him or her if I don't feel comfortable around this person. I've learned to trust this feeling of mine only recently, sadly, because it could have saved me and others quite a lot of emotional strife.
Also, interpersonal comfort is a measure of how giving I am with a given person. If I feel comfy with someone, I don't really demand anything of him/her, rather, I am driven to give what I can to that person. But the lower the comfort is, the more I feel free to be demanding, to the extent of outright posing a person before the choice of doing/being so and so or suffer the distancing between us. That can easily apply to someone I love - that's why I postulate that comfort > love to me. I don't say I won't regret this distancing - still, I will undertake it if my demands are not met somehow.
Well, you can say it's egoistic - I'd rather call it a defensive mechanism of steering out or abusive or painful relationships. I've learned that no amount of love can really make up for living in discomfort with a closely related person. Eventually, it just ends in pain for all sides involved. So, whatever the love is, I will keep distance if I don't feel comfortable, and the other's attempts to close it would be inevitably met by demands.
Now, that interpersonal comfort is hard to determine, as is with all the feelings. But one - and probably the key for me - trait of it is the ability to not care about emotions, while still feeling them. If emotions are still there but don't really dominate the "everyday" relationship between me and a certain person, then I feel drastically more comfortable with him or her.
Interestingly, I feel comfortable with most random people - so with that default feeling in my relationship with the outside world I'm quite a giving person. But I won't give indefinitely - as the randomness fades away with each other gift on my side, I will either set up some kind of interpersonal comfort with that not-more-random him or her, or demand more in return. That's why in most cases, I can't be a "loyal fan" of anyone and anything :)
And to sum it all, I guess the only "normal" notion of relation that comes somewhat close to that feeling of comfort, is friendship. Thus, I can conclude that my inner chemistry with people works like (comfort ~ friendship > love) = me.
So, thank you all who made, makes or will make me comfy - by that, you'r giving me the most treasured thing in my life! ^^ And that I will always try and do my best to return in full measure.
