I have learned a lot since Donnies death.

Patience...now this lesson has been taught to me over and over, and is still being taught to me to this day. I don't always get what I want. No matter how much I may want something, and no matter how much I try, sometimes that goal may be unobtainable. I can live with that...sometimes. At times there is much swearing involved, but in the end I wrangle my own wants and emotions, and cap them off so it doesn't bother me so bad. So healthy I know lol.

Honesty...I cheated on him long ago. I felt justified in doing so because he constantly accused me. I know now that there is never a good reason to cheat. I found out later he was cheating on me as well. I no longer feel bad about what I did, but I will never do it to someone else. Being in an open relationship helps lol.

Doing without...Life got rough when he passed away. I could no longer afford most of my bills. Then I got with the bloodsucker who drank my funds dry. I am still hoping one day to have enough to cover my bills one month. All of my bills for a month. Every month. That has become my only goal in life when it comes to money. I am so used to not having enough, and juggling my bills from shut off notice to shut off notice that it doesn't bother me anymore. Little things make me super excited. I can't say that I do not like that. I love the fact that simple small things make me happy, and large things put me in disbelief.

Question everything...In his medical care his Mother refused to question the care he received. She would block me anytime I tried to question anything....things I knew weren't right. The medical knowledge I had told me something wasn't right, and I wasn't allowed to question the "professionals". Doctors are not gods...there are a few people in my life that I remind of this fact frequently, because they would follow anything that they were told by someone with a medical degree. If you have a good Doctor I am very happy for you, because one of those is very hard to find. I have had some horrible medical experiences. I lost my Husband to medical neglect. I have lost most of my faith in the medical profession. I question everything they tell me. I research before and after I see a Doctor. I still have no clue what is wrong with me. I am still ill. Still unable to eat solid foods much of the time. Still in constant pain, and still being ignored by the Doctors in the area. Going in with thrush and being written off as having a cold. It is so frustrating. Had I not lost Donnine I probably wouldn't be so questioning.

LIVE!!!! He was 36 when he passed away. I just turned 35 a couple weeks ago. My Father passed 4 months after Donnie at age 63, and my Mother passed 4 months ago at 61. I don't see myself having a long life expectancy. Financially I am blocked right now from most of the things I want to do, but I know that when I get that chance DO IT!!!! Life is short...far too short for some. They die without completing half of what they want to do in life because they keep thinking they have plenty of time....which brings me to my last point.
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Never assume that you have tomorrow...
Never take for granted that you will wake up in the morning. You do not have that guarantee. Life is fragile. It is so easy to lose. Live in a way that you do not fear losing it. No regrets! This life is to be enjoyed...there is no other reason to exist. Do what you love. If you don't love it...change it! Never stay in a situation that you can't be happy...it isn't worth it. Make yourself happy! For some that is a family and kids, for others that is living on the road with nothing to tie you down. Do what you have to and be happy! You may not wake in the morning...live each day as though it could be your last.