Confuzzled ’12 was an amazing experience. As my first furry convention this meant a lot of things; It was the first holiday I’d had with my new friends from the London meets, it was my first time experiencing the greater furry community, it was the first time meeting many of the heroes that had inspired me in the fandom.

Had I just went to parties and got drunk with friends (which I did), had I just met lots of new furs, gone to events and fur suited around – I would have been happy. Had I just met the people that had inspired me, I would have been ecstatic. I would have gone home, life would have continued as normal and I would have had great memories.

Life is funny like that – sometimes it takes a good thing and makes it great. So great that some days it feels like Confuzzled never really ended. Now I’ll explain why.

That guy. That wonderful, amazing, talented, soul-warming guy.

I had actually met him the first day of the con. Mangusu had been an important furry for me from the word go. I have been a furry since I was 19, but it was seeing Monsteroo perform that got me into fur suiting and the community. More than this was the guy himself. I really respected how he put himself out there – not just the dancing and art and general crazy creativity we all enjoy but his thoughts and aspirations. I thought this guy really gets it.

Contrary to popular expectations at CF, the popufur was actually a really nice guy. Mangy made a real effort to meet people at the bar, to try chat to everyone (not plying people for free drinks at all!*wink*) and that’s when I first talked to him. It was a nice short chat, I discovered he was a friendly, generous guy – I’d met my hero, was not disappointed, and that would have been enough.

But we kept meeting each other – at the dance panel and during his DJ set (he came out and danced with me, I totally wasn’t trying to get his attention!) and in the bar we talked, just us, till 4am, despite him having performances the following day. He came to my good friend Azra fox’s room party on the Saturday where one of the party goers almost killed him with a shot! We stayed up most the night talking about music and dancing, and it was really great.

The next day was the sponsor buffet. I really wanted to see his performances but I was not a sponsor. So mangy got me out the back by making me his "spot". Helping out backstage was loads of fun - but I was really just happy to see him dance. After the last act Mangy passed out in my lap. By the time we decided to go, Uncle Kage was already 10 minutes into his story hour. It was then we realised all the backstage doors were locked and the only exit was through the stage! If you've seen the CF 12 Kage vid you will see us unsuccessfully sneaking off the main stage leaving a stunned Kage.

The rest of the con came and went with some awkwardness – stolen hugs and glances. I wasn’t quite sure where we stood and I guess neither was he. There were some funny moments from people who didn’t quite get it – eg. Rizzorat thanking me for taking such good care of him during the con (double entendre please!)

After the con he had one last day in London. Mikepaws was taking him around to see the sights. I was working, but thanks to my colleague, managed an early exit and caught the fastest train I could just to have a last 2 hours with him before he left. As Mike was there we didn’t really get to say goodbye properly, but at the tube station – man, that hug could have lasted forever.

I thought I’d seen him gone forever, I’d really felt something there, a spark, but that was it, over. Two days later I got a contact add on skype from Mangy. He had literally just got off the plane two hours before, got home and installed skype. He had felt it too. <3 <3 <3

We both said it’s crazy, we live so far away. But that day at work I’d been looking at flights and he told me he had teared up at the airport. It was tough at first, the reality of the distance – but then we talked every day, every free moment we had, and more and more I discovered just how amazing and sweet he is – the guy wears his heart on his sleeve. Ever since then things have just been getting better and better – he makes my every day special. I love you Mangy.



See you in September mongoose.


(Apologies, I forsee many more of these soppy-face journals in the future)