Where do I start?

I Guess by saying hello to everyone. Ecspecially my cubs, you know who you are. It been a long time since we last chatted and much has changed in my life as I am sure it has for you. But life is about change, stagnation is boring and if everything stays the same all time, if nothing ever challenges you, then are you really living your life?

For those who are concerned, let me state that I am safe, unlike the past the reasons for my recent absence were not because I was downrange, they are more internal. I have obtained this image of strong and stalwart, I am there for those I care about unquestioningly. I try to stand as their secure foothold in this constantly shaky world. So when I am faced with an issue, that is immediately too much for me to handle, I retreat from contact. Not only to spare others from my turmoil, but because my family, both here and everywhere, are too innocent to carry my burdens. My choices are my own. The curveballs life has thrown at me are my cross to bear. It is who I am and I am aware it is prideful. But I walk alone not out of some deluded sense of granduer, but because I truly wish all of you a blissful and peacful life.

I want to warn you, the following passages are dark at times. Know that I am still climbing this mountain life has put in my path, but I am closer now to the summit than I was to the base.

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I have cancer. Stage 2 Prostate Cancer to be exact. I have known since late last summer and it has been its own journey of ups and downs. I was and am not curretly in any real risk of dying. There is always a chance, but my treatment is working and I will hopefully be in remission soon. So please shed no tears. After 5 years in a warzone, its going to take more that some silly disease to take out this otter.

I wasn't always so confident, like everyone I guess, I went through stages and for a good while I gave serious thought to ending it all. I had convinced myself it was better to go out on my terms. But thats not true. Suicide is a selfish answer, by it we hurt those we love often causing years of anguish with unanswered questions. When we truly leave this life, all we leave behind is our memory and I don't wish those of me to be clouded with pain and sorrow.
I am now assigned to the wounded warrior progam at a major military medical center. My life with the Army is drawing to a close and it has been quite the journey these last 15 years. Though I will no longer wear the uniform it will always be a part of me. No soldier, sailor, marine, or airman ever truly hangs it up. I will miss it to be sure and though my future now is unknown, I will journey on for myself and for those whom I have shared my life.
I want to thank each and every one of you. Through you I have grown as a person and I am the better for each friendship and fur I have had the honor of knowing.
I love you all.
-Alorn Otter