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Self Discovery. I know myself better now.
13 years ago
General
~Commission TOS*Commission Prices and Que*Commission Email: Sanocommissions@yahoo.com~ I've been doing alot of thinking lately, trying to figure out who i am and where i am going. I was talking with a close friend of mine, and he helped me realize my true self. I'm not a Dom in any way shape or form, hell, I'm not even a switch like I thought i was either. In fact, I'm all sub, but a certain kind of sub, that needs an understanding Dom to be able to put up with me XD Figuring this out also made me realize why my former Master and I didn't work out. Because I am sub, just not the kind of sub he wanted.
I'm an Alpha submissive. for any who dont know, its quiet simple. I'm perfectly content to be submissive, but if my master has multiple subs, IWanna be "top dog" as it were. above the others, more important.
A more expanded explanation. I'm submissive, but i like being top of the pack, and i push boundaries. I wanna be respected, and my opinions to matter. I want a strong dom to be my partner when needed, I'm dominant when required, wanting more say than anyone but my dom in a multiple sub situation. I'll only submit to those worthy and who can pull it from me. im stong willed and stubborn. i try to dom others to test how dom they really are.
It was quite an eye opener for me, and now I truly understand why my previous D/s relationship went sour. He was used to complete subs, the ones who bowed to his every command, and I can't do that. I'll submit to you, but I will say no if I'm not happy with something, and a good dom would stop pushing.
Being a complete sub instead of a switch like i thougj i was also explains why i cannot be a supporter. my mental state wont let me. sure i like being top dog and controlling at times, but i need that person above me to provide guidence when i get lost.
It's hard to find someone like that....
I'm an Alpha submissive. for any who dont know, its quiet simple. I'm perfectly content to be submissive, but if my master has multiple subs, IWanna be "top dog" as it were. above the others, more important.
A more expanded explanation. I'm submissive, but i like being top of the pack, and i push boundaries. I wanna be respected, and my opinions to matter. I want a strong dom to be my partner when needed, I'm dominant when required, wanting more say than anyone but my dom in a multiple sub situation. I'll only submit to those worthy and who can pull it from me. im stong willed and stubborn. i try to dom others to test how dom they really are.
It was quite an eye opener for me, and now I truly understand why my previous D/s relationship went sour. He was used to complete subs, the ones who bowed to his every command, and I can't do that. I'll submit to you, but I will say no if I'm not happy with something, and a good dom would stop pushing.
Being a complete sub instead of a switch like i thougj i was also explains why i cannot be a supporter. my mental state wont let me. sure i like being top dog and controlling at times, but i need that person above me to provide guidence when i get lost.
It's hard to find someone like that....
(and yes, I still had you on my watch list apparently)
1) it's not that you weren't the kind of sub I wanted, it's that you weren't the kind of sub-mate I needed
2) half the subs in the world that I know of are the kind that support their Dom(s) in one way or another
I'm fine with supporting someone emotionally.
I didnt mean to come across like you didnt want me, I meant that my sub type and your dom type werent compatable. IHave no problem with you as a person, and well, I am finally sure enough of myself to fully move on. I understand what you've been trying to tell me.
I've now found myself a new Dom, one who fits who I am :3
I'm already having enough pain just having Zelli and Kairo on my contacts list, I don't need a deeper-set pain lingering with all that's been wearing on my spirit lately
I'm just that kind of person, I don't let the past bother me. So don't mind me hanging around. sucks that you prevent me from having a friendship with everyone else though, I'd like to still be able to hang out with Christina and Podo.
hell, even i hurt when i think about how things used to be, but I look back at the happy times and that makes it better.
either way, I'm still considering you my friend, even if it is one sided.
and the reason why i say you are preventing me from being friends from them is that you don't want me around, but as you kinda live with them, as least last i heard, i can't ever visit without being around you too. so in a way, you are.
this might make your cruel vindictive side feel better though. Azra ended it with me, since i wouldn't change. I'm fine with that though, as I don't feel you should have to change to be in a happy relationship.
It is always more enjoyable when you know your own wants/needs in a relation ship. Well, if you can get them anyways.
But in the end what you really want is to be an "only" pet because why else the need to feel the alpha when the masters needs and wants should be really the only thing that matters
I only have a problem with other pets if I dont like them as a person, it has nothing to do with them being a pet or sub of my master too
Different people have different ways for their D/s relationship to work, and different subs need certain kinds of masters to watch out for them. I feel much more comfortable with the Dom i have now than i did in my former D/s relationship
anyway, i think we are using the word " Alpha" in different ways. I don't mean alpha as just head sub in this particular D/s relationship. Its more of an attitude thing. I'm submissive, but have the attitude like I'm a dom....or something like that XD I've gone and confused myself now.
I'm sorry if my wording offends you, it wasn't supposed to.