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Pondering a leap of faith...
13 years ago
General
Considering this is one of the few places I have to rant that doesn't have an extreme limit, I'll type this out here, to at least get thoughts down... be warned its long... 5 pages apparently in Office...
When Fen and I take our trips to places like Florida last week... we spend a lot of time together in the car, driving. The journey from Jersey to Florida is about 18 hours if you did it straight. We usually take our time, and split it up over two days, merely so we have the time to stop anywhere we think looks interesting.
The trip itself was much needed. It gave us the opportunity to get away from stresses of home, work, family, and anything else. We really got to reconnect, and talk about all that stuff that we've meant to or wanted to talk about but never really had the time to sit and really tackle.
Now usually on trips, Fen does all the driving. I generally spend half the trip sleeping. However, at the end, we drove straight from Tennessee to home (about 15 hours with fuel/food/bathroom stops). I was awake the entire time. At one point, we were talking and realized 4 1/2 hours had passed since we last looked at the clock.
Now for anyone who's taken the time to listen... Fen and I have been dealing with a lot over the past few months.
Money: Money wise, we've actually been doing rather well. Its the first time in years that we've generally seen a steady rise in our savings week after week. The main source of stress is generally the unexpected, combined with spikes from the cost of living. Bad times are when the payments align, and we have mortgage, condo fees, car insurance, and maybe some other large bill (like a vet bill) at at once. However, our savings is still rising somewhat slowly, which won't change until I can make the swap from retail to an actual career. Our savings isn't going up enough that we can put significant payments into our debts, much less move from our condo to an actual house. Our income really limits my options for further formal education. In turn, that limits my options for increasing our income. The monetary stress overall seems to be not lack of money, but the stagnation in our quality of life that results from our current income.
Health: Fen had her knee surgery last year, she still gets pain from time to time but is mostly recovered at this point. I have my own health issues that I'm concerned about, but its manageable at this point. Last I spoke to a doctor, surgery might actually do more harm than good.
Weight is something both of us want to work on. Fen's doing much better on that front. I think for me, I need to stabilize my diet first before any kind of regiment can take place. I tend to go through phases where I eat regularly, then I just get no appetite for a week or two, then the following week I just become voracious. But overall my weight just stays stable. It's something I really need to work on.
Fen's father has recent been having episodes where he's driving and loses feeling in his braking foot. He's worked in the medical field for a long time now (about to retire) and I think its given him either a mental block that he doesn't need to see a doctor (since he knows about as well), or he's concerned that if he has a serious medical condition, the hospital may use it as an opportunity to remove him just before he reaches his full retirement age, thus reducing his retirement package by a significant degree.
Kids: This has been a serious topic for Fen and I. Fen says she's given up... but I'm certain that she really does want them. She can't hide that sadness from me. Personally, I think I'd like a daughter or son of my own. What I'm not certain about is that once we have kids, Fen and I will be on the same page. My intuition says that I'm going to become the bad guy... the one making all the really hard decisions. So if we had a kid right now, I'd be expected to save up to have a house, raise a kid, cover any and all vet expenses, go to school, find a career, help keep a roof over our head, while we sell a house, while working 2-3 jobs, and still make the time to spend 3-4 nights a week alongside Fen. I'll have to be the villain if the decision needs to be made to put a ferret down rather than do routine surgery so that we can maintain an emergency fund in case the baby gets sick. I'll be the bad guy if getting a house has to be put on the back burner so that we can keep everyone fed with a roof overhead and clothes on their backs. I can't live like that.
Now I don't think Fen really logically expects that of me. I think she'll just emotionally expect that of me. As much as Fen may say or realize something is... there's this notion of 'the way things are supposed to be.' When things deviate from 'the way things are supposed to be' there's almost like this irrational need for someone to be held responsible or punished for that deviation. Fen is incredibly intelligent, resourceful, and understanding. But regardless of what she sees or knows, it won't stop how she feels.
Without being sure Fen and I will always be on the same page. It makes another fear far stronger. How would I bring a kid into this world and get him/her to succeed if I don't even know how to do that myself? School teaches kids that the world is their oyster... how do you break it to them at 18 that well... you weren't born into enough money to afford the oysters, so... you're just gonna have to settle with the discarded shells, unless you're able to meet someone willing to give you a taste or throw you some scraps.
But at the same time, if things do work out... I really would look forward to being a father. It's just that 'if' is a pretty darn big one.
Jobs: Right now I don't think either of us are happy with our jobs, but then I think we both agree that pretty much anywhere we go up here, it'll just be the same crap under a different name, most likely for less money unless we can find something that isn't just a lateral move. My job has recently been trying to push me to close as much as possible. The logical option would just be to make a more reasonable request, like tell people everyone needs to be available to close 1 night during the week, and 1 weekend a month. Pretty darn reasonable request for any retail job. But, the managers at my Walmart seem to prefer the route just tell everyone they need open availability to get hours, cut everyone's hours to nothing, and see who opens up their closings and who quits. Plus I keep getting the carrot held in front of my face that if I open my availability further they might be able to promote me to CSM. Of course, this is at the same time they made similar promises to our current CSMs only to get them to open their availability. But rather than increase their hours, the extra availability was used so that the managers could be spread more sparsely.
But all in all, the fact is that there is no career for me in Walmart, at least up here in New Jersey. If it becomes one, God help me. But traveling through the south did change my opinion of Walmart somewhat. Cross the Mason-Dixon and the stores are completely different. They're clean... everyone speaks English... people know their departments and are actually there to provide customer service. But its not just the store, its the whole environment. The type of customers there also create a totally different experience. It was ironic really... but one random feeling I got was that racism seemed to be weaker in the South than the North. For now, I'll leave it at that, I could write a whole separate post on that alone.
Fen has the pressure of working the old territory of her manager's manager. (ei Regional manager) Her regional manager is also the black sheep of the regionals. So, since they crap on her, she tends to crap on the employees in her region (particularly the women), Fen even more so. Since her position became part of the sales dept a few years ago, its shifted from the M-F job to doing more and more demos on the weekend. It used to be an optional thing, were she was expected to do 1-2 a month and she could schedule them. But now its 3-4 a month, needing to be on certain days and she hears about it anytime she tries to opt out of even one. But overall, most of it seems bearable by most of her fellow NE reps if it weren't for the regional manager.
So, for us it seems like the difference between us liking and hating our jobs is the environment, mainly having to do with the people we work with or work for.
Social Networks: While above probably covers the main points of our current stresses, many of these also have their own little subset branches, basically big issues creating or created by a bunch of smaller issues that make some of them difficult to find a plan of attack to take them down. Either that or there's an ouroboros effect in place that won't change until we have resources to break the cycle. When we begin to feel the pressure of those stresses... we generally turn to each other, our family and friends. When those fail, there's trouble. Though I think that's kind of expected for almost anyone. We all have our own methods to deal with stress, but what happens when all those methods fail?
A strong social network generally acts as a safety net for when the stresses of life upset your balance. If you fall, it catches you and gives you the ability to get back up and try again. For Fen, her safety net almost failed her between our work schedules leaving little time for us to be home/awake together. Family wise things have been busy between people on vacation, people getting ready for weddings, having kids, etc. Time with friends also have been difficult, again due to trips, conflict in work schedules, miscommunications, unrealistic expectations, or just generally losing touch. Luckily, there was at least one or two strands on the net that managed to catch her.
Since then, we've been 'recentering' our social networks. We've been looking at our ties to family and friends, trying to re-establish old friends, and filter out the relationships that at the moment, aren't as strong. So, if you're removed from facebook, twitter, etc... don't freak out. Just give us some space while we do a bit of restructuring.
One thing we talked about is its the first time we've ever noticed a 'generation gap' in our social network. We grew up in an age when cell phones weren't on sale everywhere. You know those big cell phones with the suitcase-sized battery pack? My dad had one of those for a project at one point when I was a kid. When you wanted to talk to a friend, you called them on the phone, met up with them somewhere, or maybe passed a note in class. Internet communication was in its infancy, if you talked to anyone online, you didn't have twitter, facebook, livejournal, AIM, or even IRC... you connected with a 2800 BAUD modem and used some BBS. It wasn't until maybe my junior or senior year that IRC and AIM became huge.
There was a difference between 'talking about you behind your back' and 'using a friend as a sounding board.' And there was a big difference between the two.
Talking 'behind your back' was when you generally told lies, spread misinformation, or generally damaged the reputation of someone by talking to people who didn't know the a person or at least know them well in order to do harm to that person, or merely to create conflict.
Using a friend as a sounding board is when you generally talked to a friend who knew a person well enough so that you could sort out your feelings. Sometimes you feel angry about a friend and you don't like it, or can't rationally justify it, so you look for outside help to either discuss it, calm the feeling or hopefully dispel it completely. Or it could be the opposite, and that friend might see that the feeling is totally warranted, and they help you to see why. But that connection between the rational and irrational was needed to get past the issue. Since electronic means of communication weren't really feasible at the time, it was generally assumed if you wanted to talk to that person about it, they would be there in the room. Sounding board time was a private moment, from the context it was usually pretty apparent the feeling was unwanted thus, the sounding board didn't talk about it. Functionally, its a precursor to the discussion between you and the person your might be angry at so that you can hopefully get a different perspective, and if need be, have someone that might be able to see a middle ground between the two sides. Overall, the objective of the action is to end the conflict in some way.
Between furries and MMO communities I think, the idea that emotions can be fleeting gets lost. The idea of a private conversation gets lost. Even moreso, people are generally very suspicious. (I don't know why, because obviously everything on the 'net is true, right?) That suspicion is very one sided. In my experience, the more negative a statement someone expresses toward a person in text, the more likely are to believe it. They'll revisit things said in a flamewar dozens if not hundreds of times over a day, weeks, or even months. How many times do you read over that random facebook, or twitter post when someone said you're awesome or they loved you? Heck, how many times do you even get one of those?
In real life, I can be angry with someone. Then I found out a detail, or forget about what happened and that anger is gone. I deal with people all the time at work. There's been nights some lady is screaming at me, calling for a manager, calling me all kinds of names. I'll be pissed about it. Once she's gone, she's just some customer. I'll talk about it with some co-workers, and probably Fen when I get home, but at that point, the anger is pretty much gone... its merely an event of the day that made it different from the last. The next week that same woman might be back, calling me sweetie, and complimenting me on being the best person there. The anger was a short flare.
But it doesn't work the same online. Two people get into a heated argument, and there's texting, tweeting, private messages or board posts. Once you type out those words and hit submit or send... that feeling is there, encapsulated along with all those ones and zeros that comprise your message. I can come back and reread that insult day after day, month after month, year after year for as long as that post remains up.
If you send something you regret, you may be lucky enough to be able to edit or delete a post. But what if you sent an email, a private message, or the other person took a screencap or log? That momentary burst of emotion is now immortalized. There to be read, felt, and continue to burn for as long as the receiver keeps it. Even if they don't actively read it, that short tagline of the "f*ck you!" in the subject header will rekindle that anger every time they pass it in their inbox.
But then, when you're dealing with the anonymity of the 'net, feelings of regret, sorrow, and, forgiveness are rarely seen. Those only happen when you're in a position with actual reputation within a community. And even then, those feelings are probably only effective or useful to people of a similar position. If I have an argument with some random guy on some message board, most likely if I come back to apologize, that thread or immortalized anger just sits there to taunt them, making even the most sincere apology seem like a joke. I could also come back maybe a day later to see that whole topic has scrolled off and is now lost in the stream of hundreds of other topics. I could feel sorry or regret what I said, but ultimately the feeling is pointless because I'll never see them again.
Of course, there's also 'Internet Balls.' Basically when face to face, there's things you just don't say because you'll humiliate yourself, see/hear the emotional response of the individual, or face the punishment of maybe being punched/beaten/kicked in the balls. Its the attitude of 'I can say whatever I want on the internet and you can't stop me.' There's no remorse, no filter... you say what you want because you can.
More extreme is the behavior of internet trolling, when you say what you want because you can, basically typing whatever you can to get a response. The greater the response the better. Ignore a troll or try to take them out of a discussion, they flip out or find somewhere else to play. Back a troll into a corner, and they retaliate by using access to other social media to bring in reinforcements. When the troll wants to maintain the upper hand, and the other party feels they won or has lost interest in fighting. A troll will be texting, posting on alternate accounts, contacting friends to join in, basically using quantity of poor paraphrases, recounts, misinformation, etc to override anything posted by the other party.
Forgive my rant, but the real issue with particularly younger relationships in both the furry and MMO circles is that quite often the internet socialization conflicts highly with real life socialization. Its more muted in online gaming since most interaction is limited to talking over ventrilo, skype, or teamspeak. But go to a furry convention and its really apparent. Foot in mouth disease, TMI syndrome, general shyness, latching onto a single topic, or even just those people who walk around staring at their phone, or sitting on their laptop. Then of course there's the people who troll in real life, who generally just wind up getting banned from cons. If they manage to get in with an actually popular group the trolling is just channeled outside the group.
Its the internet dominant people right now that are really outside the focus, so we've pretty much agreed we have to come back and recenter on the people where the internet and face to face interaction don't collide. If we can't have a conversation where you feel the need to text, surf the web, or talk about furries or video games every two minutes while we're talking. We're probably backing away til things get more settled. If anyone we have on social sites on social sites is still there, its a relationship we're really looking to keep or at least rekindle.
But finally back to the title of this thing...
When we got home, Fen came across a job opening within her company... in Florida. Given the cost of living here and there. We are actually looking forward to try and make the move, dependent on whether Fen can even make the move. I'm a little more free in that I can just leave my job if need be, as long as I can find a suitable replacement shortly after. But I think the long result of our conversations on the way back were that we didn't need just a vacation. We may want to try just a fresh start in a new environment. We have to do some more research into actual costs, and about selling our home, but overall, its an opportunity. Since many of our current stresses seem to stem from cycles, perhaps taking a leap of faith into this move is what we really need. Moving away from so many people is going to be tough, thus why we really want to try to cherish and foster the relationships we still have now.
When Fen and I take our trips to places like Florida last week... we spend a lot of time together in the car, driving. The journey from Jersey to Florida is about 18 hours if you did it straight. We usually take our time, and split it up over two days, merely so we have the time to stop anywhere we think looks interesting.
The trip itself was much needed. It gave us the opportunity to get away from stresses of home, work, family, and anything else. We really got to reconnect, and talk about all that stuff that we've meant to or wanted to talk about but never really had the time to sit and really tackle.
Now usually on trips, Fen does all the driving. I generally spend half the trip sleeping. However, at the end, we drove straight from Tennessee to home (about 15 hours with fuel/food/bathroom stops). I was awake the entire time. At one point, we were talking and realized 4 1/2 hours had passed since we last looked at the clock.
Now for anyone who's taken the time to listen... Fen and I have been dealing with a lot over the past few months.
Money: Money wise, we've actually been doing rather well. Its the first time in years that we've generally seen a steady rise in our savings week after week. The main source of stress is generally the unexpected, combined with spikes from the cost of living. Bad times are when the payments align, and we have mortgage, condo fees, car insurance, and maybe some other large bill (like a vet bill) at at once. However, our savings is still rising somewhat slowly, which won't change until I can make the swap from retail to an actual career. Our savings isn't going up enough that we can put significant payments into our debts, much less move from our condo to an actual house. Our income really limits my options for further formal education. In turn, that limits my options for increasing our income. The monetary stress overall seems to be not lack of money, but the stagnation in our quality of life that results from our current income.
Health: Fen had her knee surgery last year, she still gets pain from time to time but is mostly recovered at this point. I have my own health issues that I'm concerned about, but its manageable at this point. Last I spoke to a doctor, surgery might actually do more harm than good.
Weight is something both of us want to work on. Fen's doing much better on that front. I think for me, I need to stabilize my diet first before any kind of regiment can take place. I tend to go through phases where I eat regularly, then I just get no appetite for a week or two, then the following week I just become voracious. But overall my weight just stays stable. It's something I really need to work on.
Fen's father has recent been having episodes where he's driving and loses feeling in his braking foot. He's worked in the medical field for a long time now (about to retire) and I think its given him either a mental block that he doesn't need to see a doctor (since he knows about as well), or he's concerned that if he has a serious medical condition, the hospital may use it as an opportunity to remove him just before he reaches his full retirement age, thus reducing his retirement package by a significant degree.
Kids: This has been a serious topic for Fen and I. Fen says she's given up... but I'm certain that she really does want them. She can't hide that sadness from me. Personally, I think I'd like a daughter or son of my own. What I'm not certain about is that once we have kids, Fen and I will be on the same page. My intuition says that I'm going to become the bad guy... the one making all the really hard decisions. So if we had a kid right now, I'd be expected to save up to have a house, raise a kid, cover any and all vet expenses, go to school, find a career, help keep a roof over our head, while we sell a house, while working 2-3 jobs, and still make the time to spend 3-4 nights a week alongside Fen. I'll have to be the villain if the decision needs to be made to put a ferret down rather than do routine surgery so that we can maintain an emergency fund in case the baby gets sick. I'll be the bad guy if getting a house has to be put on the back burner so that we can keep everyone fed with a roof overhead and clothes on their backs. I can't live like that.
Now I don't think Fen really logically expects that of me. I think she'll just emotionally expect that of me. As much as Fen may say or realize something is... there's this notion of 'the way things are supposed to be.' When things deviate from 'the way things are supposed to be' there's almost like this irrational need for someone to be held responsible or punished for that deviation. Fen is incredibly intelligent, resourceful, and understanding. But regardless of what she sees or knows, it won't stop how she feels.
Without being sure Fen and I will always be on the same page. It makes another fear far stronger. How would I bring a kid into this world and get him/her to succeed if I don't even know how to do that myself? School teaches kids that the world is their oyster... how do you break it to them at 18 that well... you weren't born into enough money to afford the oysters, so... you're just gonna have to settle with the discarded shells, unless you're able to meet someone willing to give you a taste or throw you some scraps.
But at the same time, if things do work out... I really would look forward to being a father. It's just that 'if' is a pretty darn big one.
Jobs: Right now I don't think either of us are happy with our jobs, but then I think we both agree that pretty much anywhere we go up here, it'll just be the same crap under a different name, most likely for less money unless we can find something that isn't just a lateral move. My job has recently been trying to push me to close as much as possible. The logical option would just be to make a more reasonable request, like tell people everyone needs to be available to close 1 night during the week, and 1 weekend a month. Pretty darn reasonable request for any retail job. But, the managers at my Walmart seem to prefer the route just tell everyone they need open availability to get hours, cut everyone's hours to nothing, and see who opens up their closings and who quits. Plus I keep getting the carrot held in front of my face that if I open my availability further they might be able to promote me to CSM. Of course, this is at the same time they made similar promises to our current CSMs only to get them to open their availability. But rather than increase their hours, the extra availability was used so that the managers could be spread more sparsely.
But all in all, the fact is that there is no career for me in Walmart, at least up here in New Jersey. If it becomes one, God help me. But traveling through the south did change my opinion of Walmart somewhat. Cross the Mason-Dixon and the stores are completely different. They're clean... everyone speaks English... people know their departments and are actually there to provide customer service. But its not just the store, its the whole environment. The type of customers there also create a totally different experience. It was ironic really... but one random feeling I got was that racism seemed to be weaker in the South than the North. For now, I'll leave it at that, I could write a whole separate post on that alone.
Fen has the pressure of working the old territory of her manager's manager. (ei Regional manager) Her regional manager is also the black sheep of the regionals. So, since they crap on her, she tends to crap on the employees in her region (particularly the women), Fen even more so. Since her position became part of the sales dept a few years ago, its shifted from the M-F job to doing more and more demos on the weekend. It used to be an optional thing, were she was expected to do 1-2 a month and she could schedule them. But now its 3-4 a month, needing to be on certain days and she hears about it anytime she tries to opt out of even one. But overall, most of it seems bearable by most of her fellow NE reps if it weren't for the regional manager.
So, for us it seems like the difference between us liking and hating our jobs is the environment, mainly having to do with the people we work with or work for.
Social Networks: While above probably covers the main points of our current stresses, many of these also have their own little subset branches, basically big issues creating or created by a bunch of smaller issues that make some of them difficult to find a plan of attack to take them down. Either that or there's an ouroboros effect in place that won't change until we have resources to break the cycle. When we begin to feel the pressure of those stresses... we generally turn to each other, our family and friends. When those fail, there's trouble. Though I think that's kind of expected for almost anyone. We all have our own methods to deal with stress, but what happens when all those methods fail?
A strong social network generally acts as a safety net for when the stresses of life upset your balance. If you fall, it catches you and gives you the ability to get back up and try again. For Fen, her safety net almost failed her between our work schedules leaving little time for us to be home/awake together. Family wise things have been busy between people on vacation, people getting ready for weddings, having kids, etc. Time with friends also have been difficult, again due to trips, conflict in work schedules, miscommunications, unrealistic expectations, or just generally losing touch. Luckily, there was at least one or two strands on the net that managed to catch her.
Since then, we've been 'recentering' our social networks. We've been looking at our ties to family and friends, trying to re-establish old friends, and filter out the relationships that at the moment, aren't as strong. So, if you're removed from facebook, twitter, etc... don't freak out. Just give us some space while we do a bit of restructuring.
One thing we talked about is its the first time we've ever noticed a 'generation gap' in our social network. We grew up in an age when cell phones weren't on sale everywhere. You know those big cell phones with the suitcase-sized battery pack? My dad had one of those for a project at one point when I was a kid. When you wanted to talk to a friend, you called them on the phone, met up with them somewhere, or maybe passed a note in class. Internet communication was in its infancy, if you talked to anyone online, you didn't have twitter, facebook, livejournal, AIM, or even IRC... you connected with a 2800 BAUD modem and used some BBS. It wasn't until maybe my junior or senior year that IRC and AIM became huge.
There was a difference between 'talking about you behind your back' and 'using a friend as a sounding board.' And there was a big difference between the two.
Talking 'behind your back' was when you generally told lies, spread misinformation, or generally damaged the reputation of someone by talking to people who didn't know the a person or at least know them well in order to do harm to that person, or merely to create conflict.
Using a friend as a sounding board is when you generally talked to a friend who knew a person well enough so that you could sort out your feelings. Sometimes you feel angry about a friend and you don't like it, or can't rationally justify it, so you look for outside help to either discuss it, calm the feeling or hopefully dispel it completely. Or it could be the opposite, and that friend might see that the feeling is totally warranted, and they help you to see why. But that connection between the rational and irrational was needed to get past the issue. Since electronic means of communication weren't really feasible at the time, it was generally assumed if you wanted to talk to that person about it, they would be there in the room. Sounding board time was a private moment, from the context it was usually pretty apparent the feeling was unwanted thus, the sounding board didn't talk about it. Functionally, its a precursor to the discussion between you and the person your might be angry at so that you can hopefully get a different perspective, and if need be, have someone that might be able to see a middle ground between the two sides. Overall, the objective of the action is to end the conflict in some way.
Between furries and MMO communities I think, the idea that emotions can be fleeting gets lost. The idea of a private conversation gets lost. Even moreso, people are generally very suspicious. (I don't know why, because obviously everything on the 'net is true, right?) That suspicion is very one sided. In my experience, the more negative a statement someone expresses toward a person in text, the more likely are to believe it. They'll revisit things said in a flamewar dozens if not hundreds of times over a day, weeks, or even months. How many times do you read over that random facebook, or twitter post when someone said you're awesome or they loved you? Heck, how many times do you even get one of those?
In real life, I can be angry with someone. Then I found out a detail, or forget about what happened and that anger is gone. I deal with people all the time at work. There's been nights some lady is screaming at me, calling for a manager, calling me all kinds of names. I'll be pissed about it. Once she's gone, she's just some customer. I'll talk about it with some co-workers, and probably Fen when I get home, but at that point, the anger is pretty much gone... its merely an event of the day that made it different from the last. The next week that same woman might be back, calling me sweetie, and complimenting me on being the best person there. The anger was a short flare.
But it doesn't work the same online. Two people get into a heated argument, and there's texting, tweeting, private messages or board posts. Once you type out those words and hit submit or send... that feeling is there, encapsulated along with all those ones and zeros that comprise your message. I can come back and reread that insult day after day, month after month, year after year for as long as that post remains up.
If you send something you regret, you may be lucky enough to be able to edit or delete a post. But what if you sent an email, a private message, or the other person took a screencap or log? That momentary burst of emotion is now immortalized. There to be read, felt, and continue to burn for as long as the receiver keeps it. Even if they don't actively read it, that short tagline of the "f*ck you!" in the subject header will rekindle that anger every time they pass it in their inbox.
But then, when you're dealing with the anonymity of the 'net, feelings of regret, sorrow, and, forgiveness are rarely seen. Those only happen when you're in a position with actual reputation within a community. And even then, those feelings are probably only effective or useful to people of a similar position. If I have an argument with some random guy on some message board, most likely if I come back to apologize, that thread or immortalized anger just sits there to taunt them, making even the most sincere apology seem like a joke. I could also come back maybe a day later to see that whole topic has scrolled off and is now lost in the stream of hundreds of other topics. I could feel sorry or regret what I said, but ultimately the feeling is pointless because I'll never see them again.
Of course, there's also 'Internet Balls.' Basically when face to face, there's things you just don't say because you'll humiliate yourself, see/hear the emotional response of the individual, or face the punishment of maybe being punched/beaten/kicked in the balls. Its the attitude of 'I can say whatever I want on the internet and you can't stop me.' There's no remorse, no filter... you say what you want because you can.
More extreme is the behavior of internet trolling, when you say what you want because you can, basically typing whatever you can to get a response. The greater the response the better. Ignore a troll or try to take them out of a discussion, they flip out or find somewhere else to play. Back a troll into a corner, and they retaliate by using access to other social media to bring in reinforcements. When the troll wants to maintain the upper hand, and the other party feels they won or has lost interest in fighting. A troll will be texting, posting on alternate accounts, contacting friends to join in, basically using quantity of poor paraphrases, recounts, misinformation, etc to override anything posted by the other party.
Forgive my rant, but the real issue with particularly younger relationships in both the furry and MMO circles is that quite often the internet socialization conflicts highly with real life socialization. Its more muted in online gaming since most interaction is limited to talking over ventrilo, skype, or teamspeak. But go to a furry convention and its really apparent. Foot in mouth disease, TMI syndrome, general shyness, latching onto a single topic, or even just those people who walk around staring at their phone, or sitting on their laptop. Then of course there's the people who troll in real life, who generally just wind up getting banned from cons. If they manage to get in with an actually popular group the trolling is just channeled outside the group.
Its the internet dominant people right now that are really outside the focus, so we've pretty much agreed we have to come back and recenter on the people where the internet and face to face interaction don't collide. If we can't have a conversation where you feel the need to text, surf the web, or talk about furries or video games every two minutes while we're talking. We're probably backing away til things get more settled. If anyone we have on social sites on social sites is still there, its a relationship we're really looking to keep or at least rekindle.
But finally back to the title of this thing...
When we got home, Fen came across a job opening within her company... in Florida. Given the cost of living here and there. We are actually looking forward to try and make the move, dependent on whether Fen can even make the move. I'm a little more free in that I can just leave my job if need be, as long as I can find a suitable replacement shortly after. But I think the long result of our conversations on the way back were that we didn't need just a vacation. We may want to try just a fresh start in a new environment. We have to do some more research into actual costs, and about selling our home, but overall, its an opportunity. Since many of our current stresses seem to stem from cycles, perhaps taking a leap of faith into this move is what we really need. Moving away from so many people is going to be tough, thus why we really want to try to cherish and foster the relationships we still have now.
