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Serious thing
13 years ago
General
SO...my dad called me yesterday and told me he has multiple myeloma of the kidneys. Basically, blood cancer. It's incurable (cancer, hello?) but treatable with chemo and radiation; my ex's oldest brother has had it for ten years now and he's still doing OK. The concern is that my dad's in his 80s already, so he's basically looking at spending whatever life he has left in treatment.
I...don't know how to react. I don't. It's...like the pragmatic side of me is trying to say not to worry, it's not like he was going to be around much longer anyway (thus giving me the ever-familiar desire to punch myself in the nose for being a dick), while the emotional side is wanting to scream and cry and freak the fuck out. I mean...I was already trying to cope with the realization that my parents aren't gonna be around forever already (fuck you, I just lost my first close family member, my aunt, 2 years ago, it's still a new thing for me...all my grandparents were dead and in another country by the time I was ten). I was already trying to get my head around various job and money issues that have popped up this last month, now...
On top of that, multiple myeloma is passed to the male members of the family, so this means my brother and I will need to keep watch for it, and that my son now has it on BOTH sides of his family.
I feel like even worrying is probably overreacting, but I don't know how to think about any of this.
I...don't know how to react. I don't. It's...like the pragmatic side of me is trying to say not to worry, it's not like he was going to be around much longer anyway (thus giving me the ever-familiar desire to punch myself in the nose for being a dick), while the emotional side is wanting to scream and cry and freak the fuck out. I mean...I was already trying to cope with the realization that my parents aren't gonna be around forever already (fuck you, I just lost my first close family member, my aunt, 2 years ago, it's still a new thing for me...all my grandparents were dead and in another country by the time I was ten). I was already trying to get my head around various job and money issues that have popped up this last month, now...
On top of that, multiple myeloma is passed to the male members of the family, so this means my brother and I will need to keep watch for it, and that my son now has it on BOTH sides of his family.
I feel like even worrying is probably overreacting, but I don't know how to think about any of this.
you said you've got job problems, maybe this is a cue to see if you can't just ditch the whole matter a bit and and be there for him at least for a little while. if nothing else it'll help you stop focusing on your own problems a bit.
It doesn't freaking matter if you worry, just don't waste ANY more time. If you're worried about how much longer your parents will be around, you should be spending time with them instead.
And btw- the "he won't be around for much longer anyway" isn't a dick thing to say, its a coping mechanism. It simply a way to make someone getting a sickness a little easier to deal with mentally. So don't be so hard on yourself for thinking it.
Sorry for the hardball talk this time, but I just can't stand the thought of you worrying by yourself and then deeply regretting that you didn't instead spend time with your dad.