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So what the hell do I do now?
17 years ago
An artist with no deadlines is unemployed!
WARNING: Incoming rant.
***
What the hell. My fiance whom I love dearly, dearly, dearly, is allergic to cats. Now we've gone over the options ZILLIONS of times, and he has always said, "well, we can't really get a cat just yet, so don't worry about it" which says to me "when we have enough money, we'll be getting a cat". Appearently to him, I was supposed to be getting used to not having a cat, and probably should have been thinking about what other kind of pet I'd like to have instead.
Now all my furryness aside - and yes, it's hard to put that aside, I like cats. I like cats so much and I miss having one so much that makes me somewhat suicidal - even though I'm taking insanely strong drugs that KEEP me from feeling that way. I pore over youtube videos of cats, hang out on image boards where there are cats, surf random webpages on cat behaviour, cats that look like Hitler, big cats, little cats, endangered cats, live streaming video on cats, cats, cats, cats, cats.
I miss having a cat. I miss it. I miss the communion, the rapt innocence, the undeniable and full body appriciation and love, the touch of fur under my hands, a noggin bonk, the feeling of purring under my fingers, meowing at and being meowed at in return. The riparte of play fighting, the exquiste joy of chasing a toy, and the ever present cuddling when I'm feeling low.
My fiance can do many of these things for me, and to be honest, I've got him acting like a cat most of the time just to cope. But it's not the same.
So to hear "well, when I said 'of course we'll get a cat one day', I really meant 'if they can somehow immunize me permenantly against my allergy'," it tears me up.
And we've had this conversation at least three times now where I say something about "when we get a cat" and he says somethng to the effect of "yeah...so umm...do you like rabbits?" and when it dawns on me that he's just been placating me, it hurts, not just because he's lied on a certain level, but also because I'm not going to have a cat after all, and I'd been all charged up and ready to have one.
It's sickening, because sometimes I find myself thinking "well he's a guy and won't live as long as me, so when he dies I can have a cat"...I mean what kind of person thinks that about the guy they love?
How can I get him to understand that he's telling me to cut out part of my soul because he's unwilling to take pills (and maybe clean the house once in a while). I mean I take pills right now for my depression that cost far more than stupid allergy pills. And my stupid pills have far worse side effects.
But no, this isn't about me. It's about him. He told me today that he wants me to get back on my feet artistically. I told him that much of my energy has gone into making him happy, because that's just the sort of person I am. He told me that I shouldn't focus so much on him, and I should do what makes me happy - so what do I do? I bring up the cat. Suddenly, what's good for me needs to come second again.
If I could just give up the ghost, so to speak, stop loving cats as I do, then maybe I could be happy.
Now don't get me wrong, this is probably the only MAJOR thing between us. We love each other fiercely, share many of the same interests, communicate on the same wavelength, and share many similar traits.
I just wish I could get him to TRY having a cat, instead of him playing this mindgame with me all the fucking time. Are we or aren't we? Is this a "maybe" or a "I'm saying maybe but I really mean no"? Are you just saying yes because you want the conversation to end or because you're actually willing to TRY?
Bloody fucking hell.
And no. I don't want a rabbit, gerbil, snake, iguana, fish, lizard, ferret, rodent or anything but a fucking CAT.
Ugh.
***
What the hell. My fiance whom I love dearly, dearly, dearly, is allergic to cats. Now we've gone over the options ZILLIONS of times, and he has always said, "well, we can't really get a cat just yet, so don't worry about it" which says to me "when we have enough money, we'll be getting a cat". Appearently to him, I was supposed to be getting used to not having a cat, and probably should have been thinking about what other kind of pet I'd like to have instead.
Now all my furryness aside - and yes, it's hard to put that aside, I like cats. I like cats so much and I miss having one so much that makes me somewhat suicidal - even though I'm taking insanely strong drugs that KEEP me from feeling that way. I pore over youtube videos of cats, hang out on image boards where there are cats, surf random webpages on cat behaviour, cats that look like Hitler, big cats, little cats, endangered cats, live streaming video on cats, cats, cats, cats, cats.
I miss having a cat. I miss it. I miss the communion, the rapt innocence, the undeniable and full body appriciation and love, the touch of fur under my hands, a noggin bonk, the feeling of purring under my fingers, meowing at and being meowed at in return. The riparte of play fighting, the exquiste joy of chasing a toy, and the ever present cuddling when I'm feeling low.
My fiance can do many of these things for me, and to be honest, I've got him acting like a cat most of the time just to cope. But it's not the same.
So to hear "well, when I said 'of course we'll get a cat one day', I really meant 'if they can somehow immunize me permenantly against my allergy'," it tears me up.
And we've had this conversation at least three times now where I say something about "when we get a cat" and he says somethng to the effect of "yeah...so umm...do you like rabbits?" and when it dawns on me that he's just been placating me, it hurts, not just because he's lied on a certain level, but also because I'm not going to have a cat after all, and I'd been all charged up and ready to have one.
It's sickening, because sometimes I find myself thinking "well he's a guy and won't live as long as me, so when he dies I can have a cat"...I mean what kind of person thinks that about the guy they love?
How can I get him to understand that he's telling me to cut out part of my soul because he's unwilling to take pills (and maybe clean the house once in a while). I mean I take pills right now for my depression that cost far more than stupid allergy pills. And my stupid pills have far worse side effects.
But no, this isn't about me. It's about him. He told me today that he wants me to get back on my feet artistically. I told him that much of my energy has gone into making him happy, because that's just the sort of person I am. He told me that I shouldn't focus so much on him, and I should do what makes me happy - so what do I do? I bring up the cat. Suddenly, what's good for me needs to come second again.
If I could just give up the ghost, so to speak, stop loving cats as I do, then maybe I could be happy.
Now don't get me wrong, this is probably the only MAJOR thing between us. We love each other fiercely, share many of the same interests, communicate on the same wavelength, and share many similar traits.
I just wish I could get him to TRY having a cat, instead of him playing this mindgame with me all the fucking time. Are we or aren't we? Is this a "maybe" or a "I'm saying maybe but I really mean no"? Are you just saying yes because you want the conversation to end or because you're actually willing to TRY?
Bloody fucking hell.
And no. I don't want a rabbit, gerbil, snake, iguana, fish, lizard, ferret, rodent or anything but a fucking CAT.
Ugh.
If that doesn't work, have you thought about a hairless breed? They're a bit...well, off looking, but they're real live cats and they act just like their furrier brethren. AFAIK, they're also completely hypoallergenic.
Hairless breeds are just as bad as fuzzy ones - the allergy that people have is to a protien in cat saliva - which all cats produce. The supposedly hypoallergenic ones that don't produce the given protien are still "in production"but would likely cost well over $5000 - and the waitiing lists for the kittens are a mile long.
I know for a fact, however that he has managed to go without pills in the presense of cats before - and that was due to the house being extremely clean and dust free. I would be willing to train a cat to enjoy bathing to reduce the amount of active allergen in the air, I'd be willing to clean the bloody house too.
He came back to me today with a "might" again. Going to have to ask him "a might dependant on what?"
He wants me to treat this as a grey issue for some reason - Schrodinger's Cat. I might get one. I might not. In the far off fuzzy future there might be a cat there waiting for me.
I'm saying this because of your boyfriend's allergy; many people who're allergic to cat fur can live with Sphynxes greatly, but there are still exceptions since they do have some fur too. At least get him to visit Sphynx breeders to see if he can stand them?
And yes, they are expensive cats, but if you can find a disqualified kitten, you should be able to get away with a considerably lower price.
I personally highly recommend Sphynxes whether you actually like the way they look or not - many people who thought they were disgusting changed idea when they saw mine, most of them are now saving to get one.
Good luck in any case, I can imagine how you feel, I'm extremely cat oriented as well and feel lost and unhappy without one in the house.
I think sphinx kitties are very cool, though I would prefer a fully furred kitty just for the sake that I always think that Sphinxes are probably cold most of the time, and I like the AC up high.
I've been watching quite a lot of youtube videos on Sphinxes. They're very cute cats, and they seem to like water, which is great.
As for the cold, it's really not as bad as you'd think. Essentially, if you're cold, they're cold, if you're fine, they're fine. Sure, we wear clothes, but they have a higher tolerance to cold than humans, since they're always naked.
And if it's really TOO cold, they snuggle up to you or under the covers. I have blankets all over the couch for that reason.
As for the pills being a life long commitment, what about women who take birt control pills (ok it's not life long but it lasts for most of your life)? I don't know if you're taking them, but you could bring it up. Those pills have several nasty side effects too.
I'm really sorry for saying this, but thing is, your story upsets me as well, because I'm just so biased for cats. He could do you this favor. It's not as big a sacrifice as the one you're giving by agreeing not to get a cat (besides, a cat rarely lives longer than 18 years at most).
We had a long conversation about it today - and to his defense he did admit that he REALLY wants a cat as well. It's just that when he was a child he had one which he loved dearly. He didn't know it was the cat making him sick and when his parents found out they got rid of the cat on the doctor's recommendation - and considering the shelter in that area, she was probably put down a month later. They made up a lame excuse at first that his cat was sick, but eventually they told him the truth and it devestated him.
They basically killed his cat - without giving him a choice in the matter - because he was allergic to it.
To get another cat, to him, is risking getting it killed if his allergies become unmanageable, and I agree with him - that would be terrible. That's why we're going to take all the precautions we can, and babysit a few kitties to see if it's a tolerable situation for him. It may just be - but I agree with him, it's definately not worth killing a poor cat over.
I just hope things work out for the both of us. It might be that his allergy has gotten milder with time and given a hairless cat (if possible) or at least a cat that can be bathed often, a spayed female (they produce very little allergen), HEPA filter vaccuum, HEPA filter air cleaner (which we need anyways if I'm going to get back into oils again), and keeping the kitty out of the bedroom, he should be more than fine.
My sister has an allergy to cats as well and lives with two cats which are kept out of her bedroom. She eats pills when she's having a rough time, avoids touching her face if she's touched them, and all in all she does just fine - and this is without bathing the cats every few days.
But considering I'm planning a wedding and My mate wants to move to a new place (that will definately be better for us - living in a basement with low dark ceilings for two years is pure depressing hell), the next year will not be a time to get a kitty. But after - the cat shall be mine.
Maybe.
I hate fucking maybes, but at least we understand each other better now.