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I hate having boobs.
13 years ago
If there's one thing I've learned in all my eighteen years; it's that boobs suck. Between getting in the way, never being the right size and being pretty much the most annoying part of the female anatomy (other than the hoo-hah during certain times of the month) boobies have barely any redeeming qualities.
As a preteen/teenager, we females dream about them, are excited about them, but soon enough realize it's kind of like being excited about a pet elephant. 'Oh hey,' you think, 'I'm gonna get a pet elephant and it's going to be like a 99 billion on the Awesome Scale!!!' but after only an hour of having Fido the elephant in your home, you realize, 'Hey, I don't really like Fido stepping on my stuff and not fitting in the room. This is about a 2 on the Awesome Scale.' As you can see by that really excellent simile, boobs are not all they're cracked up to be.
You know those days where you come home from a hard, tiring day or work, do a belly flop onto your bed in hope of some relaxation, and you’re immediately comfortable? Not with boobs! For the super low price of going through puberty, you can have these sleep-ruining, heavy, annoying “fun bags”! It’s a two-for-one deal! Two breasts for going through puberty just once! But wait, there’s more! Boobies are the gifts that keep on giving! Be sure to purchase new bras for your breasts regularly, or they’ll get all saggy and stuff. No girl likes it when it looks like they’ve got two sacks of potatoes hanging from their chest. Well... I don't think I could say that for this one woman...
One somewhat chilly day, I was hanging at Burger King with my girlfriend. We were having fun and stuff, cracking lame jokes and talking about random stuff. And then it happened. There was this lady, this bra-less lady; not exactly the youngest lady either, and she wasn't flat-chested either, and she was standing across the street. Then the light turned green and she started running across the street, and it totally felt like I was seeing this in slow motion. Oh my god, the image is burnt into my brain... It cannot be unseen.
Alright, first, picture a windmill. Now picture the blades of the windmill, looking like balloons, filled with Jell-O. Now picture that Jell-O-y windmill turning, and the balloons begin flailing around. Now, picture that windmill being a person. Those boobs were just thrashing about, getting all up in her business. For added effect, picture it in slow motion! How can you not feel that? Like really. Gravity is doing its job 24/7, and if you can’t feel that force on your hooters, than there is probably something very wrong with you. As a lover of breasts on other people, I even think it's downright frightening. If you’re going to have boobs, don’t scar other people with them. Learn to keep them nice and secure in the confined space of your sixty dollar brassiere. Nobody wants to see your jugs flopping around.
And for you guys; imagine one day, waking up to two lumps attached to your chest telling you; 'Hey! I’m here to ruin your life! Let’s just get along and be friends!' You may think; "HOLY-SHIT-TITS! THIS IS AWESOME. I HAVE BOOBS! *gropegropefeel* But they ruin your life. After a week or so, you'll wish that they were a lot bigger, or a lot smaller. In fact they’re either so small that they’re practically microscopic, or so large that you frequently think you have two elephants attached to your chest. 99 billion on the Awesome Scale? I disagree. There's no happy medium. And I assume that there aren’t that many women (with all natural breasts) that are actually pleased with their bust size. Most pairs are uneven in size, which is also very annoying.
There’s also the fact that they leave you broke, with having to buy new bras all the time, because those things may be as expensive as diamonds, but boy they sure don’t last as long as them. I absolutely hate bra shopping. It takes me approximately three hours just to find one bra that actually fits. And it doesn’t help that I have no idea what my actual size is. Sometimes I’m one size, other times I’m the other. It seems like different brands all have different sizes. So you might fit a DD cup for one brand, but the next DD you try on is going to look like an E or something.
If you ask me, they’re like that annoying friend of yours, you guys get along sometimes, but other times, you just want to be rid of them, or better yet, punch them really, really hard (Don’t say you’ve never had a friend like that, because you probably have. And if you haven't, then you probably are that friend). Sadly, no matter what you do or say, they won’t go away. And then there’s the awkwardness of being in public with them. Walking around, you catch the occasional person sneaking a peek, feeling mildly molested. And no matter how hard you try, there will always be an incident in your life where someone accidentally elbows you in the tit, or gropes you. The person will probably apologize after realizing their mistake, but you still can’t help but look at them and think 'No, you can’t just say sorry. You just took my innocence away. You took that away, and you think it’s okay?' But either way, you have to say it’s fine, or you’ll make yourself look like an ass.
Maybe I'm a bit biased, but I hate having boobs. >:/
As a preteen/teenager, we females dream about them, are excited about them, but soon enough realize it's kind of like being excited about a pet elephant. 'Oh hey,' you think, 'I'm gonna get a pet elephant and it's going to be like a 99 billion on the Awesome Scale!!!' but after only an hour of having Fido the elephant in your home, you realize, 'Hey, I don't really like Fido stepping on my stuff and not fitting in the room. This is about a 2 on the Awesome Scale.' As you can see by that really excellent simile, boobs are not all they're cracked up to be.
You know those days where you come home from a hard, tiring day or work, do a belly flop onto your bed in hope of some relaxation, and you’re immediately comfortable? Not with boobs! For the super low price of going through puberty, you can have these sleep-ruining, heavy, annoying “fun bags”! It’s a two-for-one deal! Two breasts for going through puberty just once! But wait, there’s more! Boobies are the gifts that keep on giving! Be sure to purchase new bras for your breasts regularly, or they’ll get all saggy and stuff. No girl likes it when it looks like they’ve got two sacks of potatoes hanging from their chest. Well... I don't think I could say that for this one woman...
One somewhat chilly day, I was hanging at Burger King with my girlfriend. We were having fun and stuff, cracking lame jokes and talking about random stuff. And then it happened. There was this lady, this bra-less lady; not exactly the youngest lady either, and she wasn't flat-chested either, and she was standing across the street. Then the light turned green and she started running across the street, and it totally felt like I was seeing this in slow motion. Oh my god, the image is burnt into my brain... It cannot be unseen.
Alright, first, picture a windmill. Now picture the blades of the windmill, looking like balloons, filled with Jell-O. Now picture that Jell-O-y windmill turning, and the balloons begin flailing around. Now, picture that windmill being a person. Those boobs were just thrashing about, getting all up in her business. For added effect, picture it in slow motion! How can you not feel that? Like really. Gravity is doing its job 24/7, and if you can’t feel that force on your hooters, than there is probably something very wrong with you. As a lover of breasts on other people, I even think it's downright frightening. If you’re going to have boobs, don’t scar other people with them. Learn to keep them nice and secure in the confined space of your sixty dollar brassiere. Nobody wants to see your jugs flopping around.
And for you guys; imagine one day, waking up to two lumps attached to your chest telling you; 'Hey! I’m here to ruin your life! Let’s just get along and be friends!' You may think; "HOLY-SHIT-TITS! THIS IS AWESOME. I HAVE BOOBS! *gropegropefeel* But they ruin your life. After a week or so, you'll wish that they were a lot bigger, or a lot smaller. In fact they’re either so small that they’re practically microscopic, or so large that you frequently think you have two elephants attached to your chest. 99 billion on the Awesome Scale? I disagree. There's no happy medium. And I assume that there aren’t that many women (with all natural breasts) that are actually pleased with their bust size. Most pairs are uneven in size, which is also very annoying.
There’s also the fact that they leave you broke, with having to buy new bras all the time, because those things may be as expensive as diamonds, but boy they sure don’t last as long as them. I absolutely hate bra shopping. It takes me approximately three hours just to find one bra that actually fits. And it doesn’t help that I have no idea what my actual size is. Sometimes I’m one size, other times I’m the other. It seems like different brands all have different sizes. So you might fit a DD cup for one brand, but the next DD you try on is going to look like an E or something.
If you ask me, they’re like that annoying friend of yours, you guys get along sometimes, but other times, you just want to be rid of them, or better yet, punch them really, really hard (Don’t say you’ve never had a friend like that, because you probably have. And if you haven't, then you probably are that friend). Sadly, no matter what you do or say, they won’t go away. And then there’s the awkwardness of being in public with them. Walking around, you catch the occasional person sneaking a peek, feeling mildly molested. And no matter how hard you try, there will always be an incident in your life where someone accidentally elbows you in the tit, or gropes you. The person will probably apologize after realizing their mistake, but you still can’t help but look at them and think 'No, you can’t just say sorry. You just took my innocence away. You took that away, and you think it’s okay?' But either way, you have to say it’s fine, or you’ll make yourself look like an ass.
Maybe I'm a bit biased, but I hate having boobs. >:/
