for those of you that know me personally, you probably know that i was in a very bad place mentally at the beginning of the year, and after reading certain journals lately, i have been doing some thinking of what brought me out of it. those people that brought me back to life i want to thank here.

you never gave up on me, pushed me when i needed it and have always been there since i met you. you got rid of a lot of the loneliness i had when you would come hang out and game/paint. back then i was in a very bad frame of mind and thought the only people i could hang out with would only do so online because of the distance between us. but you showed up and we played alien swarm for 9 hours while in between i worked on your laptop. it made me start to believe that i once again could have physical friends that lived close and wouldn't think me a burden or an accessory like a watch that can be useful at times but otherwise is just there for looks, and even though you are looking yourself you still took the time to send me information on job openings and while i still haven't gotten a call back, i have gotten back in the flow of looking and to continue trying even though my application is ignored. when baby died, even though you are allergic and hate cats, you supported me and helped me through the worst of it by just talking to me. you knew just what to say to make me feel better about it, and bared with my stupidness. hell you even gave me a few ideas of what i could do to feel better and cope with it, though i think it was without realizing it. that alone made a huge impact on my mental stability.

now i know you were dealing with your own issues at the time and couldn't do much. but you have done so much to keep me going it's almost a sin. the day we went to d&b i was so stoked you didn't bail at the last minute like so many others had done recently that i was beginning to think that no one honestly wanted to go do something in their free time with me. now yes some were super busy with school, like vince, but i also didn't know very many people close to me. but when i asked if you wanted to go hang and you told me after you get off work in irvine you'd totally be up for it. i honestly thought you would text me like 5 minutes before and say you were to tired and needed to just go home and sleep and postpone it indefinitely like so many others had done during that time. you have been a shoulder for me to cry on when my depression was at its worst of the time, and if it weren't for you showing me that you cared i probably would be a new paint job on some car going down the freeway. as well as just being a caring person you made me think there might be more to live for than just surviving.

now i know i have told you this before. but i want to say it again. before i met you my last ex tore my heart out with a rotting wooden spoon, leaving a gaping hole with splinters everywhere, and lots of damage. before and after i met you but before we got together i thought i would never get over her, i still loved her i thought i never wanted to let her go, but once we started talking on skype and getting to know you better i had completely forgotten about her. you changed my thoughts from someone i thought i wanted to be with, to you, someone i actually wanted/want to be with for a very long time. now even though it hasn't happened yet, i know there will be fights between us, and for those that are my fault i will apologize in advance now. and i forgive any of it that's your fault in advance as well. they will happen, it's part of growing together, and i want to work through them to make us even stronger. i love you, and i want you to be happy.

now there are many more but these are the main 3 that have kept me going the most and i'm sure those of you reading this now are getting tired of the sappy stuff, so i will end it with this. you all have saved my life time and again by just being you. you make me truly laugh and make me feel alive again, and wanted. for those that don't know i have chronic depression that can hit me at random times, usually pretty hard to where i lose all control over my emotions, and become a train wreck of stupid self damaging thoughts and sadness. if not for all of you my life would be totally different, and i don't want it to be any different than it is now... well a stable job would be the only change. =p

so thank you all. i love each and every one of you. without you this world would be a very boring, selfish, hateful place.



tidbit of information time: unless i'm using it for background noise, every song i listen to has a meaning behind it to me. i want to share the song i listen to the most that makes me think of all the things my friends have done for me and how i feel about them.