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Captain's Log - 23rd Journal - SCREAM NOW
17 years ago
Everyone who is watching me and tends to comment regularly:
SCREAM SOMETHING PIRATICAL RIGHT NOW.
It can be anything, from short to some long winded nonsense.
BEGIN
-Capt. Jack Sparrow
SCREAM SOMETHING PIRATICAL RIGHT NOW.
It can be anything, from short to some long winded nonsense.
BEGIN
-Capt. Jack Sparrow
BOTH KINDS.
EVERYTHING WENT NUMB
That should about do it.
What can I say, I enjoy trumpets.
BRING 'ER AROUND, OR THEY'LL NIBBLE OUR GOOLIES OFF BEFORE THEY PRESENT A TARGET!
ARRRRRRRGH!
:( :( :( :(
THOSE NINJA BLIGHTERS BE AFTER JACK'S LEGENDARY GOOLIES!
FIRE ALL!! *KABOOM*
Then again, I useally Do have a serious issue with my mind.. so maybe it wouldn't make much of a diffrence if i Do scream something right now..
Then..Agian...I'm told randome screaming is good for clensing the soul..so perhaps a randome scream might be doing me some good.
the thing is..if I do scream what i wanna scream..it's a real scream and not just some random thing..so do i wanna scream on your page?
Ya sure why not ^__^
:: takes a deep breath:: I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE!!!
:: pant pant pant:: hmm...well i dont' feel much better....so..pass me that rum!!!
<,<
>,>
lets see what kind of messed up weird art i can create while totally sloshed!
^__^
Allow me to restate my position a bit more pleasantly: I've some bloody rum and nobody to drink it with. Would you be so kind as to help me partake of this fine beverage?
Arr.
Avast.
NOW
I want to be inside it.
It'll go a long way to ensuring the rum and wenches don't run out.
1.21 GIGAGIGAGIGAGIGAWATTS
1 part Rum
3 parts warm water
3 spoons sugar
The juice of half a lemon
Or, just rum straight.
D.O.P.R
Though I'm very fond of merlot.
D.O.P.R
D.O.P.R
*smooches and darts off*
THAR BE NO COMMENT FROM ME.
But why's the rum gone?
ARRRRRRRG
I DEMAND YOU BRING ME RUM AND SING A SONG WITH ME!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me ^_^
....wait....
Where have you been? :(
*takes a daring leap at rope to swing around and land perfectly balanced on the wheel, arms crossed and what not, using my feet to steer as I bellow forth a righteous piratical shouting*
*will forego caps because they're annoying... you're welcome*
Alrighty ye scurvy dames, dogs, and daring ne'er-do-wells, I gots ye all a neat little proposition to be had. See, me bein' the type o' person I be, I gots a nice little map here that'd lead us hither and tither twixed many a venturous island filled wit luscious luxuries and ladies of lavish lusts. 'Twould be a right righteous adventure had me a been a man with a crew, but as such I have but a vessel beneath me feet and crowd standing stark to me front. My hopes 'twould be to rastle ye persons and otherwise into me rag tag band o' rascals so that i might be able to take mine vessel off to yonder ventures and what not. And to further sweeten mine proposition, me map just so happens to end on pretty little red X just aft of these particular islands, and they say that said X happens to mark the spot of some rather... bountious booty. Now, if'n I be knowin' you lot like I thinks I be knowin' ye, then that treasure alone would be enough to 'rouse ye spirits into a ferver o'er the chance to take the trip... the girls and "venturous islands" be merely icing on the proverbial cake for ye types... others it be quite the opposite for. So I ask of ye, this group o' scally-wags whom decided to take notice and come aboard me ship: what say ye to a high seas adventure unmatched by any man afore or after us? 'Twould ye be up ta the challenge? Or are the lot o' yous jus' a bunch o' lilly-livered ol' land lubbers here merely 'cause I promised grub?
*jumps down unsheathes cutlass*
The answer I say is simple, and answerin' me question is just as quick. All in favour of taggin' along as me scurvy crew, raise yer cutlass' high and give me a mighty YARRR!!!
That was far and beyond what I was originally expecting.
Gets them every time. Course i did steal some of their swords, then had them kill each other because they thought the ones who had swords still were the traitors.
Wait.
We be hoisting anchor and setting sail for uncharted lands!
.....
Seriously, I got nothin'.
*Wiggles eyebrows* eheh
THE SAILOR NOTES THAT THE PIRATE HAS A PEG LEG, A HOOK, AND AN EYE PATCH. THE SAILOR ASKS THE PIRATE, "SO... HOW'D YOU GET THE PEG LEG?"
THE PIRATE REPLIES, "ARR! WE WERE SAILING THROUGH A PERFECT STORM WHEN I WERE SWEPT OVERBOARD INTO A SCHOOL OF SHARKS. AS ME MEN WERE FRANTICALLY PULLING ME BACK ONBOARD, ONE OF THE BLIGHTERS CAUGHT HOLD OF ME LEG AND TORE IT CLEAN OFF!"
"OUCH! THAT'S AMAZING." SAYS THE SAILOR. "AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR HOOK?"
THE PIRATE PLACING HIS HOOKED HAND UPON HIS KNEE AND FLOURISHING WITH THE OTHER REPLIED, "ONCE, AFTER BOARDING AN ENEMY SHIP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN, A FIERCE BATTLE ENSUED! AS WE TRADED BLOWS, ME HAND WAS UNFORTUNATELY HACKED OFF BY AN ERRANT SABRE."
"YET YOU STILL WON!" THE SAILOR SAID, INCREDULOUS. "AND THE EYEPATCH?"
"A SEAGULL SHAT IN ME EYE!" SAID THE PIRATE.
THE SAILOR PAUSED A MOMENT, DUMBFOUNDED. "YOU LOST YOUR EYE TO A SEAGULL DROPPING?!"
"AYE," THE PIRATE SAYS. "IT WAS ME FIRST DAY WITH THE HOOK."
AND WITH THAT, HE TOOK A DRINK.
In a totally platonic fashion.
A SUNKEN CHEST WITH NO BOOTY!
AS HE PICKED IT UP, SMOKE BEGAN TO POUR FROM IT, AND A GENIE APPEARED WHO SAID HE COULD GRANT THEM ONE WISH.
WITH NARY A THOUGHT, THE PIRATE BLURTED OUT "I WISH THE ENTIRE OCEAN WERE MADE OF RUM!"
THE GENIE CLAPPED HIS HANDS, AND WITH A THUNDEROUS BOOM THE ENTIRE SEA TURNED INTO THE FINEST RUM EVER SAMPLED BY MORTALS. THE GENIE THEN TURNED TO THE PIRATE AND SAID "YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED", AND DISSAPEARED, LEAVING THE TWO IN THEIR DINGHY, WITH ONLY THE QUIET SOUND OF RUM LAPPING AT THE HULL.
AFTER A MOMENT, THE PARROT BROKE THE SILENCE AND SCREECHED, "AWK! NOW YOU'VE DONE IT! WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PEE IN THE BOAT!"
"... now where's that wench with the toothache?..."
Somehow now... no matter what variation I hear'a that joke I now get the feelin' it can from witnesses from some misadventure you may've had! ;)
Points if you know the reference.
D.O.P.R
*The captain concequently must deal with a mostly naked, drunk to all hell katdragon draped across the stearing column's main box*
MORE RUM! THE RUM IS NOT A LIEEEEEEEEE
WHEN PEPOLE LIVE STRAIGHT OUT OF LEGEND AND FOLK LORE
THERE WAS AN OLD PIERATE WHO PILOTED A VILE SLANG
HAD A BIRD PERCHED ON AND A SWASH BUCKLE THE SAME
AVAST ME HEARTIES! THE DREADED WHIRLPOOL OF UNORIGINALITY APPROACHES!!!
Aye Aye Captain!
I can't Hear you!
Aye Aye Captain!!
Oooo
Who lives in a pinapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.
Spongebob Squarepants!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish.
Spongebob Squarepants
Then drop on the deck, and glub like a fish!
Ready
Spongebob Squarepants,
Spongebob Squarepants,
Spongebob Squarepants,
Spongebob Squarepants
Drink Rum
Loot ship
Drink rum
Drink rum
Bury treasure
Drink Rum
Wench and Rum
Rum and Wench
Drink rum
Moon British Admiralty
Drink rum
Tappin' out some booty
Blowin' off our nine cannon
Drinkin' rum, smokin' buddie.
*Sails away on a Galleon with an annoyingly loud subwoofer*
YOU ARE A PIRATE!
...how's that? >>;
"I'll slash thy scurvy, rotten belly, tear thy stinking heart out and will EAT it right before your wet nose, ye foolish Dutch moneybag!! "