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Why Gay Rights matter so Much to me personally
13 years ago
This is a story I wanted to repost here on FA. I made this post on Myspace back in 2009 (maybe 2008) regarding the loss of my former husband Pouchhopper. California ban on gay marriage and what it means to me
The decision to uphold gay marriage has hit me hard. This comes near the anniversary of the passing of Pouchhopper and for me it strikes a personal note.
As many of you know throughout my short time with pouch I fought hard for him. I pushed hard to find a lawyer who would handle his case, I fought with everyone that I could to make sure that he got to see a doctor every day of my life with him I spent fighting and every day I heard the term "Immediate family or spouse only" and it hurt me. I had to accept it because it was a gay relationship and we were subhuman in the eyes of humanity but I did not care.
When pouch died I was left with nothing but memories. Some of you do not know how he died. He was misdiagnosed by a doctor. And it wasn’t something complex it was diabetes... fucking diabetes... They told him he was diabetic... then pulled the diagnosis back stating that it must have been a mistake. He died shortly after of a diabetic coma.
My world and his life was undone because a) a doctor made a wrong choice and b) I could not access his medical information or question ANY of the diagnosis (I tried) because we were not legally married.
I tried talking to a lawyer, I wanted this doctor to have his license stripped, and how could someone be that careless. I was told by several attorneys that because my relationship with him was not legally binding, there was nothing I could do. Even in the case of a civil union only the family members had the ability to bring a lawsuit against the doctor.
I made a promise to that roo that his ashes would not end up in California if he ever died and again I could not keep this promise. The decisions were made for me by bullshit politics and laws which no one truly understands the meaning of.
Yesterday, the same thing happened. People who do not understand what the meaning of love, marriage and commitment decided that because I am sub-human I do not deserve the rights afforded to "normal" couples because a fictional book written by someone with too much time on his hands said so thousands of years ago.
This isn’t about benefits or a title for me, it’s about rights. It’s about someone else telling me that because I was born a certain way I can’t do the same things everyone else on this planet takes for granted. Its discrimination and I have suffered because of it. The pain that I hold because of this bickering and bullshit is going to stay with me for the rest of my life. I have pain in my heart because a book says that I should be ashamed for who I am. I should be out repenting for this to every religion on the planet because I was born different.
For some this is about getting the same privileges that others enjoy, being married is a special thing. But for me it’s a chance to close a chapter in my life that is filled with so much hurt it’s indescribable. It’s a chance to save someone from experiencing the same pain that I have felt. For me this is personal.
I just... I can’t even describe how I feel.
I am ashamed to be a human at this point. How we can treat each other in this manner is beyond me. I watch humanity as it strolls through life shitting on everything around it and I wonder why. How can we look at the planet and thrash it, how can we look at each other and discriminate, how can we torture animals for fun? Why do we do this?
I have a few theories but no answers.
What went wrong in our heads? We will do everything we can to hold ourselves above all others at the expense of everything around us. There are people out there who would slit their children’s throats for 10 bucks and these are the same jerks who are telling me that I am immoral for loving another man.
I am sick of the excuses. Saying that the world is following fictional gods rules does not make it right or ok. It’s not going to take away the pain that I and others like me feel every day. This is wrong and only a handful of us are stepping up and saying that it’s wrong and if you look it’s usually the ones who have already felt the pain of discrimination.
If you have not had to deal with this, feel lucky. You cannot comprehend how simple words can ruin another person’s life. If I had been allowed to talk to pouch’s doctor and say "hey, don’t you think it’s a little strange for diabetes to just be there then not?" he might still be alive.
I am told that its just marriage and I've even tried to convince myself that it’s just some religious ceremony and I am better off without it. It’s not that simple for me anymore. The consequences of being different became very real a few years ago for me.
I am ashamed of my species. Every day we allow this to go on, we sit at our computers and think that fighting for the rights of human beings is a novel idea and hope that it goes well is another day that I hang my head in shame for what we are and what I am.
Fact is that humanity has lost its humanity. Man's inhumanity to man. We're all living on this piece of dirt and we'll have to deal with it one way or another.
With all the scientific breakthroughs we've seen the past 300 years we haven't found ways to get rid of that creepy ass fairytale book or to get bigotry out of peoples minds. Will that ever happen? Probably not in our lifetimes.
I just hope that one day those who have come after us will look back and say "How could we have been so stupid?"
4339 years.In the 70's, when I got to really seeing and understanding it for myself, it was the race relations. And the best part about it to me, as an 8 - 11 year old kid, was I could see that it was ok for people to joke about it. Gentle ribbing and digs back and forth, In Good Nature, was not only OK, it was healthy for relations! We understood it was acceptance through comedic absurdity and exposure. And there was nothing wrong with people saying, "You're my neighbor. Ok, sure, you're darker-skinned than I am, but come the summer I'll get closer!"
But, yet, we were accepting each other. We were moving past all the meaningless drivel and opposition, one-to-another, and started being One.
I really do believe that IN MY LIFETIME the sexuality relations will follow the same line of acceptance. People will be forced to, as before, see the absurdity of what they have been doing, WHY they have been wrong and will have to, kicking and screaming, bring themselves forward into acceptance.
I'm not usually this wordy, but I wanted you to know that.... Its coming; the criticality of mass opinion and reason is coming, faster and faster.
...and, for what it's worth, not only do you have ME on your side of all this, my just-turned 10 year old daughter as well. Her attitude to it all is, "What, Dad.... you mean people are saying that people who are in Love can't get married? That's just wrong!"
...there IS hope out there, Toast. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I wish you Well.
I have a GREAT little girl.
We are humans. We live, we love, we breathe. Who has the right to take that from us, and who has the right to take from us the ability to see and defend our partners when they are in trouble? Nobody.
THIS is why we have Pride. THIS is why Marriage matters. THIS is why having these basic rights is important. Because we DON'T have the same rights as others do. People have often asked me why it matters, anyway. We aren't missing out on much. Aside from insurance, taxes, and the right to see the person you love if they are ever in an accident, and in your case, the right to stand up against the person whose carelessness caused death.
But we're just faggots and dykes. Nobody should care. We're freaks for loving differently than others, and the gods apparently decree. Well no, sir, I don't have room for that, any more than I've room for any other form of discrimination in my heart. Humans matter, and that's what we are.
Thankyou for sharing this story. Thankyou for opening your heart to the world, and sharing this pain with us. As hard as it is, it's the kind of thing everyone needs to know. Straight couples who take their rights for granted, and bigoted people who think that we shouldn't have the right. Between a man and a woman my ass. Love knows no gender. Love just knows hearts.
-sincerely a straight, catholic, teenager
I am so very sorry for your loss, and hope that someone gets hit with a brick and realizes "Oh, wow, we were being really fucking stupid! Let's legalize, this, that, and all this other junk we've been denying our people~!" Seriously, our world is falling apart. And it's true, we can only blame humanity.