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Liger Watch. You sunk my BattleShip!
13 years ago
Yup the lil Liger's finally seen the movie BattleShip. And because they say you should always say something nice or not at all I'll start by saying something nice. The Effects were good, the aliens were interesting if a bit too humanoid and the Alien's behavior was consistent and fairly logical. I'll dare say even Ethical.
Ok with that out of the way lets get to ripping this thing a new one. See the aliens come to earth because they receive a signal Earth sent to them not knowing anyone lived on the planet they targeted. The signal was sent in 2007 I think and the aliens arrive in the present. Which means less than five minutes into the movie we already have a science plot hole big enough to drive a semi truck through. Any signal you said at most is gonna be traveling at the speed of light. So that means this signal should have only traveled 5 lightyears by then. And even that won't get you to the nearest star to earth which is Seven light years away and has nothing remotely habitable. But the aliens somehow receive it and come with five ships. That number is quickly reduced to four as what is their comm ship crashes into a satellite on atmospheric entry. First of all your telling me these guys just dived straight on into the planet's atmosphere and didn't see the satellites? And your telling me hitting one of these not so durable things is enough to nearly destroy an alien ship? Apparently so. But he remaining alien ships make ocean fall near the Hawaian islands where the signal was sent. They put up a shield and prevent anyone from leaving or entering.
Now we have naval ships in there trapped and the alien vessels just kinda sit there as these vessels try to decide what to do. After that shield comes up and after one guy shocks himself touching the hull of the shield thingy the one Captain gets an idea. Fire a warning shot across the bow of the technologically superior alien vessel for not responding to your yelling on a loud speaker or radio frequency. Yeah that goes as well as can be expected as once fired upon the alien ship opens fire and destroys the vessel which shot at it. Then another battleship fires on the aliens and gets the same treatmeant. One ship goes into try and ram and or shoot at close range but breaks off to rescue survivors from the other ship and the film goes out of it's way to show us that the aliens were targeting it to destroy but decided not to once the ship turned away.
This proves to be a continuing them with the aliens who continually avoid harming civilians even while taking out a road and destroying local air support. Hell the one alien that boards one of the battle ship repeatedly just tosses an Engine room guy aside as it tries to scan the engine. This thing's right arm has weapons attached and it's a good two or three feet bigger than the engine guy. So it's deliberately not killing him. Another one which the Navy fished out of the water is being examined. It tries to show one office some of it's thoughts and gets pulled off of him and guns pointed at it and then a hole is blown in the side of the ship as four other aliens show up. Not a single one of the aliens kills a single navy man in that instance. They just grab their own guy and get out.
Through out the entire movie we have the navy fighting these guys when it was never clear if their intent was hostile. Even after they find out that the ship that went down was their Communications ship no effort is made to try and communicate with them. And indeed effort is taken to stop the aliens from using the comm array that we used to reach their homeworld. Eventually all the alien ships are destroyed and our main character gets a promotion, A medal for his dead brother who initiated the hostilities and a medal for himself and ask to marry the Admiral or whatever's daughter. Never mind that odds are after time passes without their homeworld hearing back from those ships that their likely to send more and never mind those pieces that "fell off of" the comm ship as it crashed may have been escape pods.
So yeah that's Battleship. A movie where frankly I find myself rooting for the aliens who are at least showing themselves to be ethical and demonstrating restraint where as the humans just open fire and make no attempt to find out what the alien's intentions ever were and on top of it all we have that lovely science plot hole at the beginning. That said I hope there is a sequel and that we can to hear from the aliens. Hell for all we know those ships where and ambassadorial envoy. Guess we'll find out if there's a sequel forthcoming but I'm not holding my breath.
Well those are my thoughts. What do you guys think? Did ya like it? Hate it? Anyone else notice the glaring science muck ups?
Ok with that out of the way lets get to ripping this thing a new one. See the aliens come to earth because they receive a signal Earth sent to them not knowing anyone lived on the planet they targeted. The signal was sent in 2007 I think and the aliens arrive in the present. Which means less than five minutes into the movie we already have a science plot hole big enough to drive a semi truck through. Any signal you said at most is gonna be traveling at the speed of light. So that means this signal should have only traveled 5 lightyears by then. And even that won't get you to the nearest star to earth which is Seven light years away and has nothing remotely habitable. But the aliens somehow receive it and come with five ships. That number is quickly reduced to four as what is their comm ship crashes into a satellite on atmospheric entry. First of all your telling me these guys just dived straight on into the planet's atmosphere and didn't see the satellites? And your telling me hitting one of these not so durable things is enough to nearly destroy an alien ship? Apparently so. But he remaining alien ships make ocean fall near the Hawaian islands where the signal was sent. They put up a shield and prevent anyone from leaving or entering.
Now we have naval ships in there trapped and the alien vessels just kinda sit there as these vessels try to decide what to do. After that shield comes up and after one guy shocks himself touching the hull of the shield thingy the one Captain gets an idea. Fire a warning shot across the bow of the technologically superior alien vessel for not responding to your yelling on a loud speaker or radio frequency. Yeah that goes as well as can be expected as once fired upon the alien ship opens fire and destroys the vessel which shot at it. Then another battleship fires on the aliens and gets the same treatmeant. One ship goes into try and ram and or shoot at close range but breaks off to rescue survivors from the other ship and the film goes out of it's way to show us that the aliens were targeting it to destroy but decided not to once the ship turned away.
This proves to be a continuing them with the aliens who continually avoid harming civilians even while taking out a road and destroying local air support. Hell the one alien that boards one of the battle ship repeatedly just tosses an Engine room guy aside as it tries to scan the engine. This thing's right arm has weapons attached and it's a good two or three feet bigger than the engine guy. So it's deliberately not killing him. Another one which the Navy fished out of the water is being examined. It tries to show one office some of it's thoughts and gets pulled off of him and guns pointed at it and then a hole is blown in the side of the ship as four other aliens show up. Not a single one of the aliens kills a single navy man in that instance. They just grab their own guy and get out.
Through out the entire movie we have the navy fighting these guys when it was never clear if their intent was hostile. Even after they find out that the ship that went down was their Communications ship no effort is made to try and communicate with them. And indeed effort is taken to stop the aliens from using the comm array that we used to reach their homeworld. Eventually all the alien ships are destroyed and our main character gets a promotion, A medal for his dead brother who initiated the hostilities and a medal for himself and ask to marry the Admiral or whatever's daughter. Never mind that odds are after time passes without their homeworld hearing back from those ships that their likely to send more and never mind those pieces that "fell off of" the comm ship as it crashed may have been escape pods.
So yeah that's Battleship. A movie where frankly I find myself rooting for the aliens who are at least showing themselves to be ethical and demonstrating restraint where as the humans just open fire and make no attempt to find out what the alien's intentions ever were and on top of it all we have that lovely science plot hole at the beginning. That said I hope there is a sequel and that we can to hear from the aliens. Hell for all we know those ships where and ambassadorial envoy. Guess we'll find out if there's a sequel forthcoming but I'm not holding my breath.
Well those are my thoughts. What do you guys think? Did ya like it? Hate it? Anyone else notice the glaring science muck ups?
What's next? Scrabble?
>:3
Then again, Doesn't The Hunt for Red October already count as a Battleship film (because, you know, Battleship has a submarine piece).
And coincidentally, the director of Mouse Hunt later directed Pirates of the Caribbean.
I heard the only thing worse than the movie is the $60 cookie-cutter FPS video game they made for it.
Ah well. Least it was kinda fun to pick apart and if there is a sequel I hope we find out that those ships were actually an ambassadorial delegation. Maybe the actual Ambassador died on the comm ship with all the linguist and translation stuff.
Anyway, I saw a review on Battleship that mentioned how some movies are so bad they're good. This review pointed out that Battleship is quite possibly a movie that is so stupid it's good!
And Yeah I know movies like that. One of my fav so bad it's good ones is Batman Forever. The one with Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze. It's not a good action movie or a good movie period but it fails so hard it's kinda funny so maybe it makes a half way decent comedy.
So yeah had his artistic direction not been compromised by Hollywood executives "Batman Forever", and "Batman & Robin* might've actually been good movies! ... ... ... Ofcourse then we'd have no "Bat-Credit-Card jokes"...