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An Update of myself...
13 years ago
Hi guys, its been well, 3 years i guess that I never gave much attention to FurAffinity and with all my issues with Y!Gallery...
Anyway, like I said on my "Cry Underwater" post... eversince 2012 entered, it all nothing but mostly hell for me... Got a job but since its media, I never get to do anything I want in my free time... thus pressure and tired with both school and work. Resigned after 5 months... Was ready to court my ex-bf... but ended up having a relationship with his Best friend... and I cant stop comparing things that they do that we never done when we were BFs... and now Hates me for wanting their attention... My family is struggling with expenses... I should be graduating this year and if not, I may have to force myself to work and earn my own tuition and study a course that I really want. I was courting someone but I have to wait for him for 2 years... and I kept my promise to wait for him... we still see each other though but very rare. Kept seeing my friends together having fun without me coz of our lil misunderstanding... and seeing them all together without me in their pictures... kinda hurt... Unemployed, un-friend, left out, feeling like a total loser... I sometimes even want end my life... so, if you have been following my Deviantart account (Ernz1318) and at my last journal? Well, I was about that moment where I really attempt to end it all...
So what saved me from doing it? Nothing to be honest... I just kept thinking everything will be better... and I was trying to be optimistic. It is really hard... for 9 months I've been holding this depression. It is scary coz at first, it just creeps in... and as time goes by... it consumes you entirely... well almost...
I vented out, submerge myself in the pool... do evening runs just to keep my body fit... and trying to stay away from FACEBOOK coz in my case, facebook is giving me pressure and stress... I spend alot of time in facebook and I never been really productive and seeing my Ex and his BF and their friend's status and pictures is what kills me... As for my DA... I just want to stay away from it for a while, I cans still see their accounts and journals...
My DA gallery are just stored and never deleted... I'll return when I'm ok... when everything fades... I do wish these "BER" months will be good to me... and hope that 2013 will bring me the exact opposite of what I'm going through this 2012...
its been 2 weeks since I lessen my time on Facebook and Deviantart...
and I guess... I;m slowly getting back to normal... and a bit optimistic :D
I just do hope I'll maintain this attitude forever... hehehe
I do thank everyone who were concern about me when they notice that my DA is empty and I'm not on Facebook anymore... Thank you guys! :)
Anyway, like I said on my "Cry Underwater" post... eversince 2012 entered, it all nothing but mostly hell for me... Got a job but since its media, I never get to do anything I want in my free time... thus pressure and tired with both school and work. Resigned after 5 months... Was ready to court my ex-bf... but ended up having a relationship with his Best friend... and I cant stop comparing things that they do that we never done when we were BFs... and now Hates me for wanting their attention... My family is struggling with expenses... I should be graduating this year and if not, I may have to force myself to work and earn my own tuition and study a course that I really want. I was courting someone but I have to wait for him for 2 years... and I kept my promise to wait for him... we still see each other though but very rare. Kept seeing my friends together having fun without me coz of our lil misunderstanding... and seeing them all together without me in their pictures... kinda hurt... Unemployed, un-friend, left out, feeling like a total loser... I sometimes even want end my life... so, if you have been following my Deviantart account (Ernz1318) and at my last journal? Well, I was about that moment where I really attempt to end it all...
So what saved me from doing it? Nothing to be honest... I just kept thinking everything will be better... and I was trying to be optimistic. It is really hard... for 9 months I've been holding this depression. It is scary coz at first, it just creeps in... and as time goes by... it consumes you entirely... well almost...
I vented out, submerge myself in the pool... do evening runs just to keep my body fit... and trying to stay away from FACEBOOK coz in my case, facebook is giving me pressure and stress... I spend alot of time in facebook and I never been really productive and seeing my Ex and his BF and their friend's status and pictures is what kills me... As for my DA... I just want to stay away from it for a while, I cans still see their accounts and journals...
My DA gallery are just stored and never deleted... I'll return when I'm ok... when everything fades... I do wish these "BER" months will be good to me... and hope that 2013 will bring me the exact opposite of what I'm going through this 2012...
its been 2 weeks since I lessen my time on Facebook and Deviantart...
and I guess... I;m slowly getting back to normal... and a bit optimistic :D
I just do hope I'll maintain this attitude forever... hehehe
I do thank everyone who were concern about me when they notice that my DA is empty and I'm not on Facebook anymore... Thank you guys! :)
vixden
~vixden
Life is a slow moody melody pulling at us daily. We ask ourselves why we should exist when we feel that the our existence is not strong or even bright. It feels dull and abyssal, something that should not be played at all. We forget that though it does not feel right within ourselves. It is a key concert in the movements around our very being. Our song lifts the notes of those closest to us, friend or foe, we are what amplifies their melodies and they in turn lift our own song, we should be played, every day for both the brightest notes and the darkest melodies.
