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So. Where Have I Been..?
17 years ago
So, today I go though my bookmarks, and a familiar little line catches my eye: "Fur Affinity". I sigh, and just stare at it longingly. Then I click it. 3,500 new messages greet me. Tons of comments, favs, and watches, almost all ignored. A lot of people wondering where I am, If I've stopped drawing, or just died.
With another sigh, I look at the time I last submitted anything here. ... 5 months ago. 5 Freakin' months. A pile of finished/near finished drawings sits by my computer. I start to feel bad. I've said it a million times: "College, Family, Stress, and other things are distracting me." But that's not enough. I still feel this actual emptiness inside. I feel disconnected from the furry world, from drawing, from a very important part of my life and being. I'm depressed, and I know that this is a part of it. I don't even feel right calling myself an 'artist' anymore. Or go by 'Mayu'. And that hurts. I don't know why, but it does, and I've bottled it up too long.
I know, that this all started after Christmas, when I almost got kicked out of college (which turned out being THEIR mistake)... But that thought, that, I had worked so hard all my life to draw, and design, to go through a tech high school majoring in design, working hard to make it to the college I'm in... and... to feel like, by them nearly kicking me out, they didn't want me there.. It made me question my art. Made me question if I belong doing what I am doing. Instead of waking me up, this whole ordeal just shut me down, and I've sat here since Christmas, almost intimidated to draw, or even be creative again.
But. I need to suck it all up, take a deep breath... and just draw again. To hell with the consequences, As long as I get my school work done, and I survive, I can't worry about every problem. Drawing was an outlet for me, and I've had that outlet closed for a long time, and I need to get the flow going once more.
Thank you, to everyone who has shared their love and comments in my absence. Though I know I have not replied to many of you, I want you to know how appreciated your time to sit and write me even 2 encouraging words is in my life. Many people look at FA and see "fur, porn, scribbles" But I don't. I see a type of family who shares wonderful common interests, and much deeper logics and connections. A love of art, animals, and culture. I need to come back into this world.
I know I've said it a million and a half times, but I would like to especially thank everyone who participated in the contest last year, for their patience. I wish this point in my life didn't have to strike right after i held it.
With another sigh, I look at the time I last submitted anything here. ... 5 months ago. 5 Freakin' months. A pile of finished/near finished drawings sits by my computer. I start to feel bad. I've said it a million times: "College, Family, Stress, and other things are distracting me." But that's not enough. I still feel this actual emptiness inside. I feel disconnected from the furry world, from drawing, from a very important part of my life and being. I'm depressed, and I know that this is a part of it. I don't even feel right calling myself an 'artist' anymore. Or go by 'Mayu'. And that hurts. I don't know why, but it does, and I've bottled it up too long.
I know, that this all started after Christmas, when I almost got kicked out of college (which turned out being THEIR mistake)... But that thought, that, I had worked so hard all my life to draw, and design, to go through a tech high school majoring in design, working hard to make it to the college I'm in... and... to feel like, by them nearly kicking me out, they didn't want me there.. It made me question my art. Made me question if I belong doing what I am doing. Instead of waking me up, this whole ordeal just shut me down, and I've sat here since Christmas, almost intimidated to draw, or even be creative again.
But. I need to suck it all up, take a deep breath... and just draw again. To hell with the consequences, As long as I get my school work done, and I survive, I can't worry about every problem. Drawing was an outlet for me, and I've had that outlet closed for a long time, and I need to get the flow going once more.
Thank you, to everyone who has shared their love and comments in my absence. Though I know I have not replied to many of you, I want you to know how appreciated your time to sit and write me even 2 encouraging words is in my life. Many people look at FA and see "fur, porn, scribbles" But I don't. I see a type of family who shares wonderful common interests, and much deeper logics and connections. A love of art, animals, and culture. I need to come back into this world.
I know I've said it a million and a half times, but I would like to especially thank everyone who participated in the contest last year, for their patience. I wish this point in my life didn't have to strike right after i held it.
Yeesh. . .Well. . .hope the baffoons at the college don't screw up things again. All that hard work, sweat, tears blood etc to get that far and that almost happens? Jeez. . .
And your welcome on the comments. . . .
I regret ever wondering what "teabagging" ment. Still say your Icon is a riot though. . it just screams "When TAZO Tea ATTACKS!"
I've had the problem with the art stuff too. I just find that if i only draw when i feel like it, and not worry about every little goddamn detail, i have more fun drawing than i did when i obsessed over every little thing. Granted, i dont draw as much anymore, but when i do, i have FUN with what i'm doing :) I've also taken up some other creative hobbies as well, so that way i can distract myself when i start to feel crappy about my artwork.
hang in there hun, we're all rooting for you :)
The first thing I want to say is never feel guilty about taking care of your issues first. The furry community is not going anywhere. I have seen people vanish and reappear at random in the time I have been apart of all this. Which has been a very long time when I think back on all the folks I have run into. And whom are still kicking it around the fuzzier parts of the Internet.
The second thing is, you have nothing on some people who are true masters of procrastination or pure outright laziness. I myself need to post more of my writings, need to read more as well, and generally comment more. Just seems that things never go that way when I hop online.
Touching back on point number one I had a hell of a shock nearly a month ago myself. Found out something horrible, but instead of just vanishing, I decided to say something after a bit. And continue doing my usual thing, even though parts of me were fighting over various urges that I shall not go into detail about here.
Yes, we all have life issues that seem hell bent on ruining portions of our life that we enjoy immensely. We all have issues period, some are more pleasant than others.
But you are never truly alone when it comes to problems. As someone who can relate when it comes to issues, man do I have issues I really need to put those comics away, it never hurts to try and reach out. But only after you feel ready for it.
Heck you did not have to post this journal and let folks know how you were. Your fans appreciate it, I know I do, reminds me yet again that we are all not so different.
Now excuse me, I have a folder to open of stories that I may or may not post, clean up to post, or just read through again for kicks. ~_^
and glad to have you back
So welcome back there! :D
By the way, I love your icon. <3
whatever are the conditions of your return, I'm just glad to see you're allright, welcome back and hope you get to enjoy your stay this time around
And thank you.
Well.. I, myself have gone through horrible gut-wrenching depression where the days were black and the nights were darker; And nearly kicked out of college as well. I see the sunrise on the horizon ahead. And I write this here as a comment in your journal to tell you this:
If you need someone to talk to about depression and the way things can be during it, and how to try and strive for the optimism that lifts one from it... Just message me.
Yes we don't really know each other, but as someone who's been through and in it, I'll help anyone else that's in that dark pit. Probably easiest to reach me on aim, TexFoxEmpires.