For those who dont know I have depression, I am ok at time other times I am really down, I have thought about suicide so often its become normal for me, I am not saying it to get attention, I am a person who will not "attempt" suicide, I will do it in a way to be certain of it, I have other problems as well, paranoia, jealousy, anger control issues, obsession issues and to cap it all off I am really shy I can talk to people online without a problem, but approaching a stranger makes me so nervous I panic, saying that men I dont have much of problem with but women is a different story.

I have now given up thinking that I will ever be happy again, I am on 9 different dating sites have sent thousands of messges to scores of different women, but i either never get a reply, or on the rare occasion I do get a reply and we chat online for bit but then they stop talking to me, or on the even more rare occasions I meet them once and that is it.

Right now I feel like going for a walk and never coming back, all I want to know is what is so wrong with me that I am so unlovable, is it be cause I m ugly, is it because I am stupid, is it because I am overweight, just wish I knew what it is that renders me unloveable by women.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Madcat.