Sometimes I don't know what parts of my personality are pathological. I've had Cushing's syndrome for years now, and I see that it also causes psychological symptoms, or maybe that's the corticosteroids, I don't know. It makes sense in light of the lack of libido, but I think the vague lack of sexual attraction was always there. Same with the lack of desire for relationships. I'm going to call that pathological not because it causes me great distress, which it doesn't; but because it seems to confuse people around me. Everyone else thinks I should be interested in things like relationships, sex, children. I don't hate sex, I just hate people and it's not worthwhile to be around them just for the sex.

On the other hand, I'm probably perfectly capable of such things. Relationships, anyway,but it's just not even on my list of priorities anymore. I'm getting sick of hearing about it all. I'm just not interested. This would be all well and good except it seems that every other living person is interested, even obsessed, with these things, so I do detect a profound difference in myself. I don't fit in well on asexual sites because I sometimes have a libido and I'm not a prude. I just don't value human pair bonding very much. Somehow, this distresses other people. They think I'm in denial.

I'm not saying I can't love people, just that I don't do romantic love. I don't think I have the proper amounts of neurochemicals or something. I get sick of people who havent seen me in a decade asking if I'm married or have kids. That's a normal enough question; I'm just sick of it. Sometimes it's hard not to show a look of disgust.

I'm also sick of people telling me I should have kids by now, when I've never wanted any, I have no interest in relationships, I stopped having sex many years ago, I'm probably infertile anyway, and I have a pregnancy phobia. Fuck all these people who think I should have kids, as if everyone should have kids, or every female human has a maternal instinct. I do not have a maternal instinct. I don't even think babies are cute.

Also annoyed at people who tell me I should be "pro-life" and then give some emotionally based argument. These arguments don't work for me. When I consider the idea of abortion, it seems rational that a clump of cells does not have the same rights as a real, live, thinking, feeling human. And especially, a big fuck you to everyone who thinks I will magically change my mind and want children someday. I will not. And to those who think, if I got pregnant, I'd suddenly be pro-life. I wouldn't. I had a pregnancy scare once. I wanted to abort it or kill myself.

and to the relatives who think their "religious feelings" are some kind of evidence for the supernatural. Feelings are evidence of nothing except how you feel. They don't prove or disprove deities. Not to me, anyway.
[/drunken rant]