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Worst Person On Earth (EXPLICIT RANT)
13 years ago
General
And to think I am related to this said person. I just want to apologize to everyone in advance if I say anything to offend any sort of sexuality, religion, race, or just in general whatever I may end up saying in this rant, because I am on my last thin strand of nerve endings right now.
So you should all know by now that I am struggling to get a job, but on top of that earn money in general. I apologize how I constantly spam journals over and over again regarding some sort of service if at all possible but I just want to give you all an insight now, and why I am so desperate for money. And it has to do with this bitch of a mother I have. Aren't mothers supposed to support their child? Aren't they supposed to understand them, and support their dreams or passions that they may seek in life and want to pursue? Well not mine. She wants me to do what she wants in life, to drop my pen and pencil for good and work at some crap-tastic fast food joint where I will not only be miserable, but receive terrible pay. I'm sorry but I could've sworn that school is a little more important than some grease pit of a job. School that will potentially be a long time career in life and make a good future for me, how many success stories do you hear from fast food places? None. But yet she preaches to get a job, get a job, yet I work my hands to the bone to try to do so, well it isn't happening, it isn't working!
On a daily basis I am constantly reminded what a piece of shit I am, and told to my face that my artwork is trash and that it's worthless, that's all I ever hear, and from my own flesh and blood that supposedly gave birth to me? I honestly hate making journals like these crying out a pity me story but it's gone too far tonight. For the past month or so all I've been eating has been ramen noodles practically. That's it nothing else except a treat or two sometimes when my "mom" does get off her lazy ass and cook something. So the one night that I actually do have a little bit of spending money, just a little bit, just get a couple cheeseburgers from McDonalds she bitches saying I thought you didn't have money, when I've well told her one-thousand times or quite possibly more that I make money off of my artwork. She throws the biggest bitch fit ever. Apparently I'm a horrible person for wanting something different for once and after just a few days ago of saying to my face "Fuck your artwork!" she expects me to give her money for doing MY artwork that I was planning to save up for my massage therapy license. This greedy bitch takes that money and buys by the BOXES of beer, and goes out to bars. She claims she never has money but she pisses it away on beer and almost $50 a week on it too. Not to mention she buys drugs with it, I'm not even kidding; as well as skips work on a constant basis. As if the beer wasn't enough she has to smoke her self like a chimney and smoke pot. Yet I'm the unsuccessful piece of shit.
I get it, I don't have a job and I need one but I am not even one month away from graduating school, I've look for jobs for countless times again and again and at this point it's almost a waste of my time. I figured logically if I only have three weeks till graduation to utilize my artistic talent to get the money I need for my license, so I can get a job for what I was going to school for, for almost two years now. Apparently none of that matters, if she isn't able to suck down twenty bottles of beer every night she isn't happy, it's her way or the highway. She is so inconsiderate that the day I almost died, ALMOST FUCKING DIED FROM THAT CAR ACCIDENT I WAS IN A FEW MONTHS BACK, when I managed to get her over the phone she sounded urked that I was in need of help. How sick and twisted can you be? How can you be so damn selfish and actually be angry that I almost died? I'm sorry that it's an "inconvenience" to you that I nearly got killed but apparently she expected me to walk back not only injured and soar but I was four hours of a drive away from where I was. Thankfully some stranger was willing to take me home, bless him for it because if it wasn't for him my ass probably WOULD be dead because I'd be taking time out of her beer drinking schedule, oh dear god we can't have that now!
Speaking of her treating me like a piece of shit, that's the other thing she does. She values her own fucking pets more than me, she rather consider her two disgusting filthy animals that constantly misbehave and cause nothing but trouble all day every day her 'babies'. That... fucking disgusts me hearing that all the time. So I'm that worthless to her that an animal is more important than your own child you gave birth to, I don't even believe this... Then again maybe I do, she gave birth to me when she was seventeen, so figuring that in she probably didn't ever want me and I was only an accident, though I'm sure I'll never get that piece of fact from her though I am sure I was just some accident. Probably under aged drinking and too much sex for her and oops had a baby. Since her main hobby is to drink herself to the point of not being able to stand straight and having blood shot eyes. So with this said, I fucking hate you mom, I hate you with all my guts; with every fiber in my body, I hate you and wish the very worst upon you! All you've ever done to me was emotionally abuse me, and almost got to the point of physically too, how could I forget how you tried punching me back in March of 2012 because I wanted you to do the right thing for my dog Skippy, and put him at ease. The poor thing couldn't even walk or do anything yet refused to put him down, even though he couldn't get up on his own and go eat, or drink, or even take a dump, he literally sat in his own feces. It's because of people like you why this world sucks mom, and why our society is nothing but fresh shit in the toilet, I thank god awful parents like you! And just my luck, I have to be the son of a bitch like yourself!
So to my watchers, this is why I like hearing comments from you, and hearing the support that I do get, and why I always bother people for commissions. I only do it to make myself a future from it, to start a good life and to get out of this hell hole. I've put up with it for years and years now and I am finding it so difficult now-a-days to cope with anymore. Even though nobody really wants to, or can commission me due to similar problems I thank you the support at the very least, every single favorite, every single comment that I receive about any appreciation of my artwork means the fucking world to me, and the reason being is that my own mother doesn't, and never will and despises what I enjoy. And to be honest as well, I was never raised by her, before all this I was living with my grandparents and they were more than just grandparents, they WERE my parents. They made sure I had food other than ramen to eat, they made sure I was on the right path, and they would love to see every single piece of artwork I ever did, no matter how it looked, what it was, I sucked back in the day but they liked it anyways, no matter what. Because they loved me, they wanted what was best for me, they wanted to see me do something with my life and something I enjoyed doing. Those two were the best parents I could have because they did all of this and then some while my mom got wasted and did drugs and fucked random guys, since she had no care to bother with me, to play with me, nothing, I was nothing but a piece of shit in her eyes from day one. The only people that ever cared about me were my grandparents, but they're dead, they've been dead for a long time now, going on for about five years now and I miss them, I would do anything to have them back because they loved me, and I miss having that feeling that I once had a long time ago.
So I will say it once, and I will say it again, but I hope that so called mother of mine earns her way into the deepest darkest depths of hell where her soul will forever be tormented. Because I tried to see past her abusive ways and still tried to be there for her, and it was all a farse, all a joke, it was a big lie, I was only used. I was only good for driving her and her drunk friends around and paying her rent, and buying her shit. That's all I was good for her, and since I am not providing any of that for her, she is just now telling me I am nothing but a useless sack of shit.
And now remember my grandparents and missing them and the true support I've gotten from them I am in tears wishing I've had that again. I want to do people's art that I owe but this has been the wrench in the gears getting in that way every single time, I never have motivation because of all of this. I need time by myself, but I will try to get back to comments when I feel up to it, if any, are left here.
Again, sorry for the drama journal, but I've bottled this for many years, and even this long post doesn't cover everything.
So you should all know by now that I am struggling to get a job, but on top of that earn money in general. I apologize how I constantly spam journals over and over again regarding some sort of service if at all possible but I just want to give you all an insight now, and why I am so desperate for money. And it has to do with this bitch of a mother I have. Aren't mothers supposed to support their child? Aren't they supposed to understand them, and support their dreams or passions that they may seek in life and want to pursue? Well not mine. She wants me to do what she wants in life, to drop my pen and pencil for good and work at some crap-tastic fast food joint where I will not only be miserable, but receive terrible pay. I'm sorry but I could've sworn that school is a little more important than some grease pit of a job. School that will potentially be a long time career in life and make a good future for me, how many success stories do you hear from fast food places? None. But yet she preaches to get a job, get a job, yet I work my hands to the bone to try to do so, well it isn't happening, it isn't working!
On a daily basis I am constantly reminded what a piece of shit I am, and told to my face that my artwork is trash and that it's worthless, that's all I ever hear, and from my own flesh and blood that supposedly gave birth to me? I honestly hate making journals like these crying out a pity me story but it's gone too far tonight. For the past month or so all I've been eating has been ramen noodles practically. That's it nothing else except a treat or two sometimes when my "mom" does get off her lazy ass and cook something. So the one night that I actually do have a little bit of spending money, just a little bit, just get a couple cheeseburgers from McDonalds she bitches saying I thought you didn't have money, when I've well told her one-thousand times or quite possibly more that I make money off of my artwork. She throws the biggest bitch fit ever. Apparently I'm a horrible person for wanting something different for once and after just a few days ago of saying to my face "Fuck your artwork!" she expects me to give her money for doing MY artwork that I was planning to save up for my massage therapy license. This greedy bitch takes that money and buys by the BOXES of beer, and goes out to bars. She claims she never has money but she pisses it away on beer and almost $50 a week on it too. Not to mention she buys drugs with it, I'm not even kidding; as well as skips work on a constant basis. As if the beer wasn't enough she has to smoke her self like a chimney and smoke pot. Yet I'm the unsuccessful piece of shit.
I get it, I don't have a job and I need one but I am not even one month away from graduating school, I've look for jobs for countless times again and again and at this point it's almost a waste of my time. I figured logically if I only have three weeks till graduation to utilize my artistic talent to get the money I need for my license, so I can get a job for what I was going to school for, for almost two years now. Apparently none of that matters, if she isn't able to suck down twenty bottles of beer every night she isn't happy, it's her way or the highway. She is so inconsiderate that the day I almost died, ALMOST FUCKING DIED FROM THAT CAR ACCIDENT I WAS IN A FEW MONTHS BACK, when I managed to get her over the phone she sounded urked that I was in need of help. How sick and twisted can you be? How can you be so damn selfish and actually be angry that I almost died? I'm sorry that it's an "inconvenience" to you that I nearly got killed but apparently she expected me to walk back not only injured and soar but I was four hours of a drive away from where I was. Thankfully some stranger was willing to take me home, bless him for it because if it wasn't for him my ass probably WOULD be dead because I'd be taking time out of her beer drinking schedule, oh dear god we can't have that now!
Speaking of her treating me like a piece of shit, that's the other thing she does. She values her own fucking pets more than me, she rather consider her two disgusting filthy animals that constantly misbehave and cause nothing but trouble all day every day her 'babies'. That... fucking disgusts me hearing that all the time. So I'm that worthless to her that an animal is more important than your own child you gave birth to, I don't even believe this... Then again maybe I do, she gave birth to me when she was seventeen, so figuring that in she probably didn't ever want me and I was only an accident, though I'm sure I'll never get that piece of fact from her though I am sure I was just some accident. Probably under aged drinking and too much sex for her and oops had a baby. Since her main hobby is to drink herself to the point of not being able to stand straight and having blood shot eyes. So with this said, I fucking hate you mom, I hate you with all my guts; with every fiber in my body, I hate you and wish the very worst upon you! All you've ever done to me was emotionally abuse me, and almost got to the point of physically too, how could I forget how you tried punching me back in March of 2012 because I wanted you to do the right thing for my dog Skippy, and put him at ease. The poor thing couldn't even walk or do anything yet refused to put him down, even though he couldn't get up on his own and go eat, or drink, or even take a dump, he literally sat in his own feces. It's because of people like you why this world sucks mom, and why our society is nothing but fresh shit in the toilet, I thank god awful parents like you! And just my luck, I have to be the son of a bitch like yourself!
So to my watchers, this is why I like hearing comments from you, and hearing the support that I do get, and why I always bother people for commissions. I only do it to make myself a future from it, to start a good life and to get out of this hell hole. I've put up with it for years and years now and I am finding it so difficult now-a-days to cope with anymore. Even though nobody really wants to, or can commission me due to similar problems I thank you the support at the very least, every single favorite, every single comment that I receive about any appreciation of my artwork means the fucking world to me, and the reason being is that my own mother doesn't, and never will and despises what I enjoy. And to be honest as well, I was never raised by her, before all this I was living with my grandparents and they were more than just grandparents, they WERE my parents. They made sure I had food other than ramen to eat, they made sure I was on the right path, and they would love to see every single piece of artwork I ever did, no matter how it looked, what it was, I sucked back in the day but they liked it anyways, no matter what. Because they loved me, they wanted what was best for me, they wanted to see me do something with my life and something I enjoyed doing. Those two were the best parents I could have because they did all of this and then some while my mom got wasted and did drugs and fucked random guys, since she had no care to bother with me, to play with me, nothing, I was nothing but a piece of shit in her eyes from day one. The only people that ever cared about me were my grandparents, but they're dead, they've been dead for a long time now, going on for about five years now and I miss them, I would do anything to have them back because they loved me, and I miss having that feeling that I once had a long time ago.
So I will say it once, and I will say it again, but I hope that so called mother of mine earns her way into the deepest darkest depths of hell where her soul will forever be tormented. Because I tried to see past her abusive ways and still tried to be there for her, and it was all a farse, all a joke, it was a big lie, I was only used. I was only good for driving her and her drunk friends around and paying her rent, and buying her shit. That's all I was good for her, and since I am not providing any of that for her, she is just now telling me I am nothing but a useless sack of shit.
And now remember my grandparents and missing them and the true support I've gotten from them I am in tears wishing I've had that again. I want to do people's art that I owe but this has been the wrench in the gears getting in that way every single time, I never have motivation because of all of this. I need time by myself, but I will try to get back to comments when I feel up to it, if any, are left here.
Again, sorry for the drama journal, but I've bottled this for many years, and even this long post doesn't cover everything.
If you want to do anything for me just the support for my artwork and maybe even have a friend would be nice too, hope it ain't asking too much but I love to hear people that support me happy to be what I do, even a simple fav makes me smile, just knowing my pictures are at least worthy of that.
I'm always available if you need someone to chat to. I might not give the best advice, but I'm always happy and ready to listen if you need to talk. :)
Ultimately life doesn't owe you anything, and the more mountains of thumbtacks you scale, the better you are for it as long as it doesn't break you.
Your grandparents will be always with you in your heart. They might not be there to support you physically, but you have a good memories of them. Use them to support yourself and fight your way through with teeth and claws to become successful in the future as a massage therapist. As for selling your artwork, just keep trying. I know it can be disheartening when you have no one to commission you, but just keep trying. I don't always get commissions myself either. Keep your chin up and just try your best of what the life have offer. Life is not always going to serve you itself, you just have to get it yourself with or without support. Fuck your mother, she is nothing more than a horrible fat woman who drank herself to death with beers and smoke pots, and shit. You still have friends who always there for you when you need them.
I hope sometime soon you can get away from your mom so you can have some liberation and peace of mind. You've got talent, and tenacity and a good attitude will take you the rest of the way. In the mean time, stay close to the people in your life that support you and bring you happiness. *hug*
I'm hoping I can get some piece of mind and regain the peace I once had by getting out of here, and lastly I appreciate you telling me that I am a good artist, it's good to know someone over the internet can at least like and appreciate my stuff, I seriously want to do more but it's hard when I got this all going on. At least I got a little speed paint last night before that all happened. Also by chance do you have any other means of communication? Wouldn't mind talking to you more and getting to know you better, and once more thank you.