FA+
Shop
just a thing
13 years ago
General
ओम श्री गणेश फिर नामा.
सब जो पढ़ने इस धन्य हो और शांति पता चलो.
चलो मुझे तैयार है और तैयार बातें मैं जरूरत
हम सभी पर समृद्धि और शांति की चमक चलो
सब जो पढ़ने इस धन्य हो और शांति पता चलो.
चलो मुझे तैयार है और तैयार बातें मैं जरूरत
हम सभी पर समृद्धि और शांति की चमक चलो
I think i have gone crazy. and not in that good way. there are to many people in my head fighting with me. far to many. I hope what i have planned for Halloween helps me. cause i am a volatile fucktard at the moment. I have been doing damn good to not let nearly the frustration and anger i am feeling from getting out to much. some is slipping out though. Sorry Tristan. Sorry to others.
On this thought train though. i know a lot of people have been angry at me for trust issues i have. yeah it is getting bad. they always say they are not the other people that hurt me so damn bad. they seem to think that these other people that hurt me so damn bad were assholes from the start. they were not. they were people i loved and cared about deeply and trusted with my life at the time. that is why those wounds are so deep. those people in my past that did things to me. were people i would have given anything for. those betrayals and backstabs and other things would barely have meant shit had they came form other assholes. and trust me i have had those kinds of people in my life too and their actions meant little. so when i am getting skittish and freaking out cause i am now feeling like i am in one of those situations where i am beign fucked again realize that those people that left me broken like this were people i trusted and loved. and it also means that you whom ever you are that is seeing me act like this. that you too are someone i trust and love. otherwise i would write it off.
On this thought train though. i know a lot of people have been angry at me for trust issues i have. yeah it is getting bad. they always say they are not the other people that hurt me so damn bad. they seem to think that these other people that hurt me so damn bad were assholes from the start. they were not. they were people i loved and cared about deeply and trusted with my life at the time. that is why those wounds are so deep. those people in my past that did things to me. were people i would have given anything for. those betrayals and backstabs and other things would barely have meant shit had they came form other assholes. and trust me i have had those kinds of people in my life too and their actions meant little. so when i am getting skittish and freaking out cause i am now feeling like i am in one of those situations where i am beign fucked again realize that those people that left me broken like this were people i trusted and loved. and it also means that you whom ever you are that is seeing me act like this. that you too are someone i trust and love. otherwise i would write it off.
The hardest part, is when new people come along, and guilt you into letting your guard down; then give up, because earning that trust is such a chore, starting the cycle anew.
I'm still not convinced it's our own fault...
for me giving trust is not hard. i tend to give it very easily. it is when people start doing things that make me relive things that i have gone through that it all goes to hell.
I have the answer to everything, and think I've been searching for another answer my entire life. Trust. Everything, depression, anger, absolutely every-single-problem I have is from not knowing who to trust, how much, and at what rate; it's so simple, but I'm unable to poke any holes in the explanation at all.
I just, how do I do that?
Right now trying to get it in my head it's safe to come visit for Thanksgiving, yet all the things are screaming no; I should live in a cave...