Theres a thing about looking at the future, you know, it's kinda just the fact, it does tend to spit in your eye. But still, good stuff to know.

4 years ago, my father died of heart failure, from his 40s he was a perfectly healthy man, but refused medical help and hospitals and went into his own makings of health; to be honest he was extremely industrial and scientific about it. He studied health and medicine in school and learned about vitamins and all sorts.

One night, it was I sat next to him, his breath was sudden and sparse, he was gasping for breath and it had been going on for months. I asked him if he was ok, he said, he was fine.

So many times I have seen it too. People, who I seen in all cultures, who really can go too far, I've managed to develop my intuition to go as far as to predict events of the future. But then, again, it happens.

I look to the future, and I see a young boy, 3 years younger than me, being shot down, you wait a week and you hope for him to change on the day before his death, and he goes without even listening to you.

It just hurts that life can be so blind, even to things like that. How going for help imo is always and essential. How we always need help. How little independence we really have when you see how many people are involved in every portion in your life, from even learning independence.

The risk takers imo, need to realise that, sometimes you have to start small to go far and gradual practice from there. But again, it's happened really.

I don't know, sometimes I wonder if all is helpless, if you have to just let people go, wether traumatic or suicidal, wether you can predict or see where their greatest flaw will lead to their greatest end. But then, you're on this planet with people who love you and care for you, and somehow, you need have a deep need for help and wonder about people. No one could replace the instinct.

I really tried helpong people, but then, people don't want to listen to you. How even in the world can I even do it like others can.

I see all my friends going for miserable ends. Sadness drives me to save them, but so much, I'm not listened to; perhaps tonight in my readings ladies and gents, I am going to lose a great friend due to his own ignorance, for his help he asked and you tried to help with, only to see it disdained, and for him to continue his suffering.

I feel so dead inside, so apathetic, so lost, so troubled....