So my brother's Halloween party is happening right now. He told me a week before the party that he wanted me to wear my suit at the party. We planned FOR A WEEK. I walked upstairs to find him with his suit on playfully pawing at a friend. I said excitedly (and quietly) "Does that mean I get to put mine on?" Without a second of hesitation, my overbearing, control-freak stepmom said in a loud voice, "No. It doesn't." What the fuck. Just because she can't accept that I'm a furry and that's what furries do, doesn't mean she has to ruin my fun. Now onto the past.

My stepmother and I have totally different personalities. I'm calm and laid back, I couldn't care less about anything really. She has a calendar on the counter where she keeps track of everything. She's judgemental and harsh. Very harsh. She says things when she's angry. Blames me for a lot of things, says I'm useless and no one needs me be ause I can't do anything right. She cares about me, I know she does, but she can't accept that I wear a fursuit, and is severely ashamed of it. When she is forced to mention it, she says it quietly and in a low voice, as if she doesn't want anyone to know. She tells both of my brothers that what I do is not normal, so they shouldn't do it because she doesn't want them to. But when Matt puts his suit on, she blushes a little and leaves it at that. Why am I not allowed to express my creativity in my own fucking house? It's like she wants to hide who I really am from the world, lock me up in a basement and never let me out again. I'm on the verge of tears as I type this because this has been going on since I first became a furry about two or three years ago. She thinks there's something seriously wrong with me mentally that is causing my being a furry. She's admitted it to me. She's suggested autism. Anything to blame for my being a furry, she'll find it. She refuses to accept me for who I am, and it's killing me inside because she is a parent and all I want is her approval, but I want to stay true to myself. Every time she gives me the look, or shakes her head, or tells me I can't go suiting, I die inside. Because I care that she's ashamed of me. I've always wanted to satisfy her, to please her, because that's just instinct. It's what kids do for their parents. But I just can't. I can't do it any more. I can't deal with this heart wrenching pain of disappointing my stepmother. I'm turning 18 in November. I'm going to be an adult. Why is she still so controlling? It's my life, I do what I want with it, and I make my own decisions. I'm sorry, it's just that this has been going on for so long that I need to just let it all out and vent.