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Why do I even bother?
17 years ago
General
Seems like everyday I try to be nice to everyone I see, and in the end they turn-face and slap me across the face. I used to be one of those typical jackass teens. Cynical, crude language, pissed off, like my goal was to live my life for only myself.
Then around last year I finally clued in and realized what a waste of time it was to act that way, or so I figured. So I adopted a new attitude. Lets be nice to everyone around me, that way they can't have a reason to hate me. Lets be optimistic and cheerful and pretend that I don't hear you talking behind my back.
And it works, most of the time.
But sometimes, not matter what you do or say. There's someone out there that simply doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings.
For example I get rudely awakened and told to do my chores or I will not be driven to work today. Upon finishing my chores (without complaint of course) I was then yelled at again to clean the remains of what appeared to be apple juice of my bedroom door. This was not mine, not that it mattered to my father he just yelled at me to clean it up or blah blah no drive to work. So I did it.
Then while at work about 4 hours ago I had a complete stranger (no doubt drunk beyond his mind) come up to me and tell me "You're a fucking asshole, I waited *insert time here* in the drive-thru. You're a fucking piece of shit, you shouldn't even work here. I hope they fucking fire you". May I mention that at the time I had NOT been working in the drive-thru, but rather serving people inside. Anyway I was feeling kind of faint with this near-violent drunk cursing at me. My manager removed him from the restaurant thankfully.
Now this isn't really enough to faze me, I mean I'm not really that weak of heart. But as you my know things like to add up. This is my senior year, I'm at the ends of my wits with exams in 3 weeks, prom next weekend, trying to figure out where I'm going next year, working 28 hours a week, parents that really don't give a shit about me, and friends that share equal views as them.
It gets better too. About 1 hours ago with about 10 minutes till I was off. One of my managers, a co-worker and two ex-co-workers walk in. So I bunker down to serve them. One of them in particular I dislike because every time I'm around him he annoys the living shit out of me and harasses me because it's 'Funny", whether it be at work, casually, or at a party. So jokingly the co-worker orders a ridiculous amount of food thinking himself witty no doubt, to put an act on for the group. But then they shot a spitball on my face.
Now seriously, I'm a nice guy. I don't say harsh things, better yet I try to think of nice things to say. So why would you do that?
I wiped it off my face, burning red at the thought of it, while they all laughed uproariously. Honestly I thought better of that particular manager, but if he isn't going to even apologize for his friends actions, then I've lost all respect for him.
So I called over the manager on the floor at that given time. I try to explain this to her, but she shrugs it off before I get to explain, thinking that I'm just complaining about serving my co-workers.
Disheartened, I finished all of their orders, went to the back, punched out and went to the crew room. I then explained it to her properly and oh she flipped and went out and forcibly removed the person in question, calling the main office and filing a blacklist on him preventing him from being on the premises. But thats not the point. The point is, why do I bother being nice to the point of strain when I get treated like the gum stuck on your shoe?
Even though I'm still trying to pull myself together I'll probably end up crying myself to sleep once again. Because I hated myself for being a jackass and now I hate myself for being to weak to stand up and fight.
*bitterness in voice*
Then around last year I finally clued in and realized what a waste of time it was to act that way, or so I figured. So I adopted a new attitude. Lets be nice to everyone around me, that way they can't have a reason to hate me. Lets be optimistic and cheerful and pretend that I don't hear you talking behind my back.
And it works, most of the time.
But sometimes, not matter what you do or say. There's someone out there that simply doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings.
For example I get rudely awakened and told to do my chores or I will not be driven to work today. Upon finishing my chores (without complaint of course) I was then yelled at again to clean the remains of what appeared to be apple juice of my bedroom door. This was not mine, not that it mattered to my father he just yelled at me to clean it up or blah blah no drive to work. So I did it.
Then while at work about 4 hours ago I had a complete stranger (no doubt drunk beyond his mind) come up to me and tell me "You're a fucking asshole, I waited *insert time here* in the drive-thru. You're a fucking piece of shit, you shouldn't even work here. I hope they fucking fire you". May I mention that at the time I had NOT been working in the drive-thru, but rather serving people inside. Anyway I was feeling kind of faint with this near-violent drunk cursing at me. My manager removed him from the restaurant thankfully.
Now this isn't really enough to faze me, I mean I'm not really that weak of heart. But as you my know things like to add up. This is my senior year, I'm at the ends of my wits with exams in 3 weeks, prom next weekend, trying to figure out where I'm going next year, working 28 hours a week, parents that really don't give a shit about me, and friends that share equal views as them.
It gets better too. About 1 hours ago with about 10 minutes till I was off. One of my managers, a co-worker and two ex-co-workers walk in. So I bunker down to serve them. One of them in particular I dislike because every time I'm around him he annoys the living shit out of me and harasses me because it's 'Funny", whether it be at work, casually, or at a party. So jokingly the co-worker orders a ridiculous amount of food thinking himself witty no doubt, to put an act on for the group. But then they shot a spitball on my face.
Now seriously, I'm a nice guy. I don't say harsh things, better yet I try to think of nice things to say. So why would you do that?
I wiped it off my face, burning red at the thought of it, while they all laughed uproariously. Honestly I thought better of that particular manager, but if he isn't going to even apologize for his friends actions, then I've lost all respect for him.
So I called over the manager on the floor at that given time. I try to explain this to her, but she shrugs it off before I get to explain, thinking that I'm just complaining about serving my co-workers.
Disheartened, I finished all of their orders, went to the back, punched out and went to the crew room. I then explained it to her properly and oh she flipped and went out and forcibly removed the person in question, calling the main office and filing a blacklist on him preventing him from being on the premises. But thats not the point. The point is, why do I bother being nice to the point of strain when I get treated like the gum stuck on your shoe?
Even though I'm still trying to pull myself together I'll probably end up crying myself to sleep once again. Because I hated myself for being a jackass and now I hate myself for being to weak to stand up and fight.
*bitterness in voice*
*sighs*