Well... where do I start, honestly? What an... absolutely sensational weekend, not to mention a comprehensively exhausting one. I'm not sure I can sum it up in any way that comes close to doing it justice, but I'll see what I can do.

My visit to Furfright 2012 was from Thursday to Monday, and I'd been looking forward to it since January when I found out the main hotel was already booked solid and was kicked into making arrangements. After thinking about it on and off throughout the year, the day finally arrived, and after putting in a rather more full day than I had intended at work, I left Boston at two o'clock to pick  kjorteo up at Bradley airport.

This was something that I'd been massively excited about, because we had been talking since 2006 and had vaguely been talking about one coming to meet the other at some point in our lives for a very long time, but due to distance and time, had never done it. It's a really odd experience to see someone you've known for so many years and suddenly be talking to an unfamiliar physical person, and when I was standing waiting at the gate it occurred to me that the last photograph I'd seen of him had been from about four years ago and that I might not even recognize him. I was assessing everyone as they stepped through, scanning for the criteria of tall, glasses, long hair... but when I saw the St Pigeonation's bag, I knew that this was it.

And so we drove gradually down to the hotel through the rush-hour traffic, passing the title screen of Tetris on the way, which was a bit of a surprise, while he phoned his mother to let him know he had arrived safely and introduced me as Dr. Murderbeaks. We were staying on the same floor of the Courtyard hotel just down the road from the convention hotel, and the people I was staying with -  susi,  scani and  darknessfalls - had already arrived, so he joined us in our supply-gathering and registration trips for that first night, a bond between two groups of friends that sort of knew each other that would only strengthen as the weekend went on.

Last year, I chose to arrive on the Friday and missed nearly an entire day of the convention - in retrospect I've no idea why. This time, we were around for the opening ceremonies, which included a fantastic video on Furfright's history and a tribute to the War Dogs charity which was extraordinarily moving until they put it on a bit thick at the end. (Nevertheless, it didn't stop us from going out and looking for a charity bucket-wielding squirrel immediately). After that, we wandered the dealer's area for a while, with me trying to be a little more daring about the commissions that I got this time - including one from  jerberjer, a fellow MMF user and the only other one I know who is into both groups). I had to pick and choose very carefully, though, as everyone's artwork of these characters is so overwhelmingly fantastic - and I have a few things that I really can't wait to be posted back to me.

 budgiebin arrived with her boyfriend and the rest of her group that evening - she had been very generous in providing us with pancake-muffins and other assorted oddities to keep us alive, and the three of us had a couple of group photos taken on the next day to commemorate the meeting of just over 50% of the Hatoful group in the same place. That night, though, we went to play Apples to Apples in the game room with somebody who looked disturbingly like Boris Johnson, and then skipped to one of the improvisation panels and took part in a few games during which I think I served a jar of fresh-plucked eyeballs to someone (therefore really not helping my reputation at all). It was all going very well until some fat bastard got a bit loud and pushy near the end, but even he saved himself by coming up with some great lines out of nowhere during the final game.

Oh, and we played a network game of Etrian Odyssey 3 - the game only allows you to choose one character from each contributing party. But we still got through some of the lesser bosses - mostly with Kjorteo's shogun Felix actually doing the work and my monk Bernard providing barely-required support magic.

Saturday was the night to remember! I was up to attend the rehearsal for the Masquerade - after seeing it last year, the idea of performing in it myself wouldn't leave me alone, and I had been practicing a routine since the start of October (and frankly writing it since the drive back the <i>previous</i> October). Kjorteo was with me again that morning, as he was unable to be at the Masquerade due to the writing panels which took place that evening. As I had an act that required no setup at all, I was first in the run-through, which didn't help my nerves, but it did mean that I got to perform when people waiting in the queue still had their attention on the stage and I felt I got a good reaction from them. The rest of the acts were a rather remarkable mixture of styles and, er, approaches that really defy description - I didn't get to see the finished articles myself, but I'm looking forward to the eventual convention DVD.

So after that we went and took part in the Dixit event, and then... some other things must have happened in some sort of order - it's sort of frightening how quickly this is becoming a blur even now. That evening at 7pm, though, it was time for the real thing, and I arrived in the backstage area to find not only that I had been selected to come on right after the opening band, but that I had been listed simply as "British standup" on the board because the Masquerade people had apparently forgotten my name - and I quickly worked this new detail into my act as I paced up and down reciting it to myself among an extraordinary menagerie of costumes and performers, in between talking to  kiffakitmouse and  sedge and  asianeko, who reassured me as to how nice my accent was - a lovely gesture!

I had been nervously preparing for this event for ages, but as soon as I got out on stage, it felt so right - I was suddenly able to engage with the audience, and if you will forgive the rather crude vernacular, absolutely fucking slaughtered them. The reaction was better than I had ever imagined, and because the act had evolved slightly every time I had told it since the start of the month, I found myself able to come up with a lot of responses to the audience's reactions on the spot - a massively unusual experience for someone who usually considers himself less than average at stringing sentences together. About two minutes before I went on, I realized that I could leave my phone recording in my pocket to capture the experience, and so I have put up this official pirate version of my own performance here. I've also made a complete transcription below, purely for reasons of vanity.

Meanwhile, Kjorteo was attending the writing panels, where he had experienced similar breathtaking success when he presented the first page of his novel to a panel of fellow authors. I had known that he was going to get a good reaction, but from what I heard, they were hugely enthusiastic beyond all expectations - I had forgotten that very few people had actually read it before, and I'm hoping that this will serve as a huge boost towards him getting it finished. That was an extraordinary night for both of us.

After that, Susi, Scani and DF went to the evening dance, but being so exhausted, Kjorteo and I retired to our respective rooms for the night. I would get to see a lot more of them the next day, when we went out to the teppanyaki restaurant that we had been so impressed by last year, and I spent the day hanging around with that group. Things got a little dodgy in the evening because news of the impending hurricane was beginning to bear down on us and we had to quickly reorganize Kjorteo's flight, but I was quickly reassured when we were able to book a taxi so easily at the front desk of the hotel - it felt like there was a solid plan again, for the time being.

With people rapidly going home to avoid the hurricane, the remainder of us united in a doodling session around a table in the common area, where I tried figure drawing, got about as far as an arm and then just filled the page with whatever was in my head resulting in something that looked like I'd turned up to an exam on magic mushrooms. I presented this to Kjorteo, and he gave me his own sketch of me on stage, along with a rather beautiful picture of a red panda that he'd got as part of a lot in the charity auction. DF contributed a truly horrifying Silent Hill version of a Hosiehoosie, inspired by me getting one a bit wrong and accidentally creating a monster.

And as Kjorteo left to sleep before his early flight, the whole weekend was topped off when Susi and DF tattered the few remaining scraps of my reputation by convincing me to come out and dance with them in my rabbit pyjamas. A lot of photographers were around and I fear that next year I may be Furfright promotional material... but somehow, in that hotel that hovers on the border between dimensions for a few days a year... everything felt right. Perhaps because I wasn't even the weirdest-dressed person in the room.

I completely messed up my food and sleep schedule in a way that I hope not to do again... I don't know if it's just that I'm getting older or the combination of performance and travel nerves that got to me, but I was glad to find that the morning after I got home, work had no Internet access, and so I took another day to recover in some way mentally and physically. It was a wonderful experience to be around everyone like that for a moment in time - we'll have to do it again next year and hopefully bring more friends in as well. I'm already thinking about my next performance in the Masquerade...

---

Hello! Hello, good evening... oh...! Belic wasn't joking about these lights, I can't see! It's... but... I... oh, there are millions of you! Oh, I should have thought of this before coming on stage.

"Welcome to the sardine can!"

Oh, thank you so much. Ah... yeah. My name is DavidN... and you have never heard of me.

[No!]

Oh, well, that's very generous of you, thank you... I am so unknown that when I arrived this evening, I found on our board that we have backstage listing the order of acts, the Masquerade people had forgotten my name since the rehearsal and had listed me as "British Standup Guy". This... the reason you have never heard of me is that I am a Furaffinity musician.

[A couple of whoops]

Thank you for sounding impressed... and when you submit music to a furry site, you have to accept that your submissions are up against submissions that are a little more visually distracting in nature. We have... we have a whole section on the front page, but above us are the stories, above that... what is the first thing you see when you enter Furaffinity?

[General chorus of "Porn!"]

Artwork! Artwork was the answer I was looking for, but it... that's fair to say, it's artwork of a very specific genre. And it's how we're wired to work - as soon as people see that, their eyes are locked to it like the laser targeting system on a set of boob-seeking missiles. And everything below that might as well be on Mars for all anyone cares about it.

So, er, I'm not performing music tonight - this is... this is a confessional as to how I now find myself on stage talking to a variety, a rainbow of woodland creatures... and their human counterparts. Er... 2006 was a very big year to me because that was when I moved from Scotland to America, and I discovered Furaffinity, someone recommended that I post my music there... and within two years I'd fallen so in love with the creativity and enthusiasm of everyone - of everyone out here that I had my own character drawn, and this is how I present myself all over the Internet now.

2011 was a fun year because I'd made friends on the site, and they convinced me to come to my first furry convention... it was Furfright last year, and, er...

[Smattering of appreciation]

The... the fursuits were what I remember the most from that because, er... even when I was in the community before, I thought that fursuits were slightly s... frightening things. Because when you see them in photos they have this frozen serial-killer grin and boggle eyes... if you go around like that in real life you get locked up. But just watching them... hug people and interact with them and drink water by shoving bottles into their mouths like this... it's... it's a magic experience. I didn't know how to talk to them at first. At first I was like a 14-year-old talking to their first girl. I was going up to them and offering them chat-up lines like "Ah, hello! Er... nice ears! Uhhh... I like the shape of your head!" And even... even now I'm used to it one year on, I still feel slightly like I've just in a... in a "This is what happens when you take drugs" commercial.

But... no, I'm really pleased to be here - I'm really pleased that you corrupted me. Er, congratulations for that...

[Uproar and "One of us!"]

Don't applaud that! It's a dangerous... it's a dangerous hobby to have sometimes, though, because particularly in university I was... I was terrified that somebody would discover the files that I had squirrelled away on the computer. Has anyone ever been caught with furry artwork? ...I see a hand vaguely up through this supernova of a light on the stage. Ah... so who caught you?

"Uh, actually it was in the middle of my sociology class, my instructor..."

What?!

[Most is inaudible under laughter] "I was bored!"

I... I... I had an entire routine prepared - this is much better! What...?

"Not the adult work!"

Oh, okay - so... how did you explain it? Who caught you, exactly?

"My sociology instructor - she started asking me questions after class, that was pretty much it."

Asking you questions, asking you for... all right. That's fair enough. I will... I will trust that you handled that maturely and in an adult fashion and... I trust you. I also have a getting caught story. Uh... okay, picture this scene. It is mid-afternoon on the day after Christmas. I'm lying around on the sofa - I haven't bothered to get dressed. And suddenly the doorbell rings. And I think... I think it must be the UPS man dropping off a late package, because I'm not expecting anyone - he'll have just come to the door, dropped it off and gone. You've seen the Youtube videos - he just flings it over the fence.

So I think... I think I can get up - I'm not really dressed - but I can open the front door, I can get the package, I can close the door, it will be one smooth manouevre, and nobody will see me. I go to my front door and I open my front door... on the other side of my front door is a rather beautiful strawberry-blonde student girl who is thinking about renting the apartment next door and has come to ask me questions about living in the area. She is getting a great introduction, because at this moment I am dressed as a rabbit.

[Sensation]

My... my wife, as a bit of a laugh that Christmas, had bought me a set of rabbit pyjamas... and I was wearing them 'cause I wasn't expecting anyone. But this - this isn't the end of this story. This story has multiple layers, and it improves as it goes down - like a delicious lasagne... or Dante's Inferno. The second... stratum... of this story is that this rabbit costume came from a shop that did not do men's sizes. This rabbit costume has a distinctly pink flavour to it. It has a circle on the tummy as a sort of rub-target. It has long ears that sprout down off a hood... and, the... [liner note: I was about to say "piece de resistance" but then realized I couldn't pronounce it] a truly inspired touch, I think you will agree - a pink pom-pom tail on the back.

[Whoops, whistles, cries of "Rabbit!", assorted bizarre noises]

You're enjoying this image a lot more than I thought... but all -

[Inaudible shout from audience]

What? Oh, never mind. Just... who's doing this act? Uhh... all credit to this student girl - she is keeping her eyes locked on mine and somehow ignoring the fact that I'm dressed in this romper-suit like a giant mutant baby. And I'm... I'm doing the same - I'm just hoping she hasn't noticed, somehow, and I'm saying... "yes! Oh, yes, the people here are nice. Oh, there's nobody weird living here at all." When over her shoulder, I spy her mother...

[Curious reaction]

... who has been wandering around the gardens and she is now headed up my front path. And she sees me and she freezes! And she looks me up and down taking in the entire picture... before eventually, with a presence of mind that I have admired to this day, she simply says... "...Happy Easter?!"

That beautiful student girl did not move in next to me... and as a community this is your fault. Thank you, furries, for everything - thank you, Furfright, and congratulations on ten years. Thank you!