I get depressed sometimes, especially when I think about my exes. I think of all the mistakes I made, all the ways they hurt me, and the way they or I left. There was my first genuine crush, that huge, mysterious man who left all too soon. Then came the one who tried to dom but was a sub at heart, and we were never that compatible in the first place; it still hurt, though, because I felt guilty about leaving. Along came the one who had a heart full of glass and a paranoid mind; he hurt me over and over again but I was afraid of being the bad guy, and in the end I couldn't rescue him. Next came the one that was on the exact same wavelength and we were perfect for each other... until I deployed and he went to school, when after a year of pining and passing "hello"s he told me he never liked what I liked and our love had faded. There's another that's on here somewhere and I'd rather not talk about... and now every time I try to make it with someone, I mess it up or get too afraid to start. For years now I've been with people but felt utterly alone the whole time. Sometimes, I just wish I had someone to hold me tight and tell me that it'll all be okay...

...and it wouldn't hurt if he's a massive, mega-macro muscle-orc. >:3