How the hell did I manage to fuck up my life so badly? Why has every decision I've made these last few years been the wrong one? Why did I let myself degenerate into a pathetic, drunken failure? I could have been so much more. I SHOULD be so much more, but I've been nothing but weak and stupid.

I wish I was dead, but I haven't got the guts to see a suicide through. I hate everything about my life and who I've become, but I can't seem to make it right.

Guess I'll pop another sleeping pill. Maybe dream that I have a life worth living.