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Masturbating
13 years ago
General
TMI alert
Lately masturbating has lost most of its zest. It feels like I'm curing a headache by banging my head against the wall to get the relief that comes to me when I stop.
This isn't because I feel depressed or anhedonic. Quite the opposite, my life is pretty awesome right now. I have been quite a regular masturbator since I was a kid, and even before that I did engage in a lot of non-sexual self stimulatory activities. Masturbating used to feel very pleasurable, and sometimes I would devote the better part of a day to the activity. But slowly and surely it has become more mechanistic, a "just get it out of the way so I can get on with my life" daily routine. Especially in the last few months of my life sexual arousal has felt like an annoying itch I have to scratch rather than something I want to have in its own right.
Last week I had something of a realization of the futile pointlessness of this activity. I won't bother to share it as its the kind of thing you need to experience first-hand to understand. But since then I've had very little urge to fap, when it has come up it has gone away very quickly, and I've been entirely disinterested in porn (although I have favorited porns, but that has been due to what I perceive as artistic merit rather than commemorating the fact that "I splooshed to this").
Last night I decided to test my newly formed hypothesis by giving into one of the dull passing urges; it was pretty intense and I even had what I would call my first purely "hands free" orgasms. However, when it was all done and over I took a moment to reflect on what had just happened. "Ehhh" I said to myself "Been there, done that, nothing new or interesting." I guess my sex drive is one of the newest casualties of my never ending self-analysis.
So where does this leave me vis-a-vis my attitudes toward sex? Well it is a reproductive activity, on that has been biologically programed to be pleasurable; Sex uses energy and can be dangerous, we wouldn't do sex if it wasn't rewarding. However, when it comes to masturbation (or any form of non-reproductive sex) you are merely hijacking your body's reward system. Its not like this is bad or something you shouldn't do, but you should just keep that perspective on it.
Perspective can change a lot.
-Vlad
Lately masturbating has lost most of its zest. It feels like I'm curing a headache by banging my head against the wall to get the relief that comes to me when I stop.
This isn't because I feel depressed or anhedonic. Quite the opposite, my life is pretty awesome right now. I have been quite a regular masturbator since I was a kid, and even before that I did engage in a lot of non-sexual self stimulatory activities. Masturbating used to feel very pleasurable, and sometimes I would devote the better part of a day to the activity. But slowly and surely it has become more mechanistic, a "just get it out of the way so I can get on with my life" daily routine. Especially in the last few months of my life sexual arousal has felt like an annoying itch I have to scratch rather than something I want to have in its own right.
Last week I had something of a realization of the futile pointlessness of this activity. I won't bother to share it as its the kind of thing you need to experience first-hand to understand. But since then I've had very little urge to fap, when it has come up it has gone away very quickly, and I've been entirely disinterested in porn (although I have favorited porns, but that has been due to what I perceive as artistic merit rather than commemorating the fact that "I splooshed to this").
Last night I decided to test my newly formed hypothesis by giving into one of the dull passing urges; it was pretty intense and I even had what I would call my first purely "hands free" orgasms. However, when it was all done and over I took a moment to reflect on what had just happened. "Ehhh" I said to myself "Been there, done that, nothing new or interesting." I guess my sex drive is one of the newest casualties of my never ending self-analysis.
So where does this leave me vis-a-vis my attitudes toward sex? Well it is a reproductive activity, on that has been biologically programed to be pleasurable; Sex uses energy and can be dangerous, we wouldn't do sex if it wasn't rewarding. However, when it comes to masturbation (or any form of non-reproductive sex) you are merely hijacking your body's reward system. Its not like this is bad or something you shouldn't do, but you should just keep that perspective on it.
Perspective can change a lot.
-Vlad
Good luck figuring you out