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Typical life update
13 years ago
Sweet sensation
The music that we play
Will ease your mind
The music that we play
Will ease your mind
Man, I post some really cheesy shit sometime. I look back on some of the things I've posted here and other places and fight the urge to roll my eyes at myself or bury my head in the sand. I've always operated on the fact that making mistakes is the quickest way to learn, and being open and outspoken is a quick way to recognize mistakes :P
But anyway
About three months ago(?) I started school. It had been an interesting and revitalizing time, to say the least. I know I'm not at any top college by any stretch of the word, but having shit to do day in and day out has given a lot more meaning to each day. It's not the fact that I am moving towards something that is the motivator, it is that I am learning and improving myself.
In the beginning I had doubts about what I wanted to major in, and I thought it'd be relatively more clear once I was in classes, but I find myself with many of the same questions. Money vs Passion is what it all boils down to, and trust me, If this were someone else's journal and I were reading it, I'd be like "Passion, dumbass, passion!" (Hell, perhaps that's the answer?). Because I am me, however, and know what I've been through, my worries and fears of the future come into play.
See, computers are pretty sweet machines. Within that whole field I've bounced back between doing Networking or Database, or even Programming (Even though it was the only class I failed in HS? Dare I?). The more overlapping question I have had, however, is whether or not I am interested in it enough to make a career our of it. All the functions of computers are cool.. what they do for people is cool. I do consider myself a tech geek, but I feel like I am much more interested in computers as a tool (granted, you could look at networking/DBAs as using them as tools also).
I suppose the deeper issue is that I don't even know how I look at computers. I know a lot of component stuff having build my own computer, I know basic troubleshooting and programs. I know how networks work and how it applies to every day use, as well as databases. I've done a bit of program and it is pretty awesome, although I am slow with it. Very slow. I have not disliked learning any of these, but I do not feel any particular passion toward them either. It is all pretty grey to me. neutral, even. Music and writing are things of bright and vibrant color, and computers CAN be, but often just aren't. I do not know if it is the way people present or teach it, or how most people use computers in general, but It is often just.. not a very colorful thing to me. It is the reason so many people like Apple to Microsoft, or at least how I have viewed it. Opinions about the companies themselves aside, Apple meshes art with it and it comes out looking colorful. Windows (forget 8 for sake of arguement), is not so colorful.
But I guess a lot of that is bias on my part. I have grew up loving art helplessly. Writing and music are a passion, and I have a great respect for art. I feel like it is what I should be doing with my life, however I do not feel like it will ever get me a decent amount of money. On one hand, I do not want to be poor my whole life. On the other, I do not want to be unhappy. I do not even want to be mediocre. I want to feel like I did something in my life I can be proud of.
I don't know. I'm sure you all are bored to death with this. I just thought that after many years of thinking about this I would have come closer to an answer.
But as I write this, maybe that has been my problem. I am looking for an answer, when there is none. I think I am looking to discover that secretly, there is something I am missing, and that art is a viable way of making a reliable living.
And I'm not saying it can't be, because it can for some people... but therein lays the problem. SOME people. I could land a solid job somewhere as a sound engineer or something like that if I pursued sound/music, and there are solid applications, but the chances or me actually getting an artistically sound job are much, much more slim. I think that's fact. at least that is how everyone tells me.
So I suppose it is just a matter of which one do I value best. In all probability, do I want to have less money and be happier, or more money and less so.
I've decided that perhaps next semester I am going to audit (sit in) a few classes (Creative writing, perhaps a music class if I find one that seems enjoyable/along the lines of what I'm looking at) that I would enjoy passion wise, while taking a few of my computer classes I need to take at the same time.
Hopefully that will give me a better idea...
...but I think that deep down, I already have the answers. I can't run from passion. I just have to remember that I am in school. for free. I might as well BE there for something that could make me money, and do some on the side. At least I'll have the option of not taking up pursuing actual careers in that field if I so decide I want to pursue music or something
aahhhh such a headache.
But anyway
About three months ago(?) I started school. It had been an interesting and revitalizing time, to say the least. I know I'm not at any top college by any stretch of the word, but having shit to do day in and day out has given a lot more meaning to each day. It's not the fact that I am moving towards something that is the motivator, it is that I am learning and improving myself.
In the beginning I had doubts about what I wanted to major in, and I thought it'd be relatively more clear once I was in classes, but I find myself with many of the same questions. Money vs Passion is what it all boils down to, and trust me, If this were someone else's journal and I were reading it, I'd be like "Passion, dumbass, passion!" (Hell, perhaps that's the answer?). Because I am me, however, and know what I've been through, my worries and fears of the future come into play.
See, computers are pretty sweet machines. Within that whole field I've bounced back between doing Networking or Database, or even Programming (Even though it was the only class I failed in HS? Dare I?). The more overlapping question I have had, however, is whether or not I am interested in it enough to make a career our of it. All the functions of computers are cool.. what they do for people is cool. I do consider myself a tech geek, but I feel like I am much more interested in computers as a tool (granted, you could look at networking/DBAs as using them as tools also).
I suppose the deeper issue is that I don't even know how I look at computers. I know a lot of component stuff having build my own computer, I know basic troubleshooting and programs. I know how networks work and how it applies to every day use, as well as databases. I've done a bit of program and it is pretty awesome, although I am slow with it. Very slow. I have not disliked learning any of these, but I do not feel any particular passion toward them either. It is all pretty grey to me. neutral, even. Music and writing are things of bright and vibrant color, and computers CAN be, but often just aren't. I do not know if it is the way people present or teach it, or how most people use computers in general, but It is often just.. not a very colorful thing to me. It is the reason so many people like Apple to Microsoft, or at least how I have viewed it. Opinions about the companies themselves aside, Apple meshes art with it and it comes out looking colorful. Windows (forget 8 for sake of arguement), is not so colorful.
But I guess a lot of that is bias on my part. I have grew up loving art helplessly. Writing and music are a passion, and I have a great respect for art. I feel like it is what I should be doing with my life, however I do not feel like it will ever get me a decent amount of money. On one hand, I do not want to be poor my whole life. On the other, I do not want to be unhappy. I do not even want to be mediocre. I want to feel like I did something in my life I can be proud of.
I don't know. I'm sure you all are bored to death with this. I just thought that after many years of thinking about this I would have come closer to an answer.
But as I write this, maybe that has been my problem. I am looking for an answer, when there is none. I think I am looking to discover that secretly, there is something I am missing, and that art is a viable way of making a reliable living.
And I'm not saying it can't be, because it can for some people... but therein lays the problem. SOME people. I could land a solid job somewhere as a sound engineer or something like that if I pursued sound/music, and there are solid applications, but the chances or me actually getting an artistically sound job are much, much more slim. I think that's fact. at least that is how everyone tells me.
So I suppose it is just a matter of which one do I value best. In all probability, do I want to have less money and be happier, or more money and less so.
I've decided that perhaps next semester I am going to audit (sit in) a few classes (Creative writing, perhaps a music class if I find one that seems enjoyable/along the lines of what I'm looking at) that I would enjoy passion wise, while taking a few of my computer classes I need to take at the same time.
Hopefully that will give me a better idea...
...but I think that deep down, I already have the answers. I can't run from passion. I just have to remember that I am in school. for free. I might as well BE there for something that could make me money, and do some on the side. At least I'll have the option of not taking up pursuing actual careers in that field if I so decide I want to pursue music or something
aahhhh such a headache.
ShinyTotodude
~shinytotodude
Oh, I think the same as you. You should never let your passions drift too far away from you. There are people who manage to have so many things going on next to their career. Some people don't even want to bother that much about a career but even with a quite normal job and less money you still can enjoy your life because you have the things that give you a feeling of fulfillment. I see you liked the feel of reward in your hard work but fun can also be very rewarding when you put effort into it. (-^.=.^-)
