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When did friendships get so damn hard?
13 years ago
I've been having this weird conundrum lately with finding and maintaining friendships.
I used to be that guy who always seemed to have people around. All the time. It was my thing, I collected people to hang out with and was happier for it. But these days... I dunno. I seem to have cast off that trend of "collecting" people, of having a legion of acquaintances with whom to kill off down time with. And now I don't seem to have much of anybody around.
Of course there are the good friends, the close ones I keep solid with for very good reason, but we're parted by a factor of many miles and it's not like we can just randomly say "Hey, I'm bored, wanna get together?". No, it's a production when the travel is so involved. And as such, I spend much more time alone, and I have a hard time with that.
Even living with the significant other, we don't entirely satisfy all of each others' needs. We have different interests, different hobbies, and I maintain that such a thing is healthy in a relationship so we don't smother each other, but at the same time it can really feel lonesome even with that other party around. I'm not sure if it's me, my outlook that needs adjustment, or if this is a problem plenty of people seem to face.
I get depressed and lonely with tragic ease. I want to be around people I care about, around friends who are the caliber of those I live so far away from all the time. But I can't, not here. Not anywhere, unless we enter into one of those crazy furry commune homes, which would offend an entirely different part of my personal needs. Maybe that's the issue - maybe one part of me is a complete dichotomy from another and that wildly differing spectrum of my personality makes ultimate satisfaction of all my wants and needs impossible to achieve. Maybe what I have right now really is as good as it gets.
Does anyone else have this problem? This desire for specific and affectionate contact with very close friends but at the same time this strong independent drive? How do you reconcile it? Or does this just sound like the ramblings of a sad man with so few friends left in his day to day that it's driving him quietly loopy?
I used to be that guy who always seemed to have people around. All the time. It was my thing, I collected people to hang out with and was happier for it. But these days... I dunno. I seem to have cast off that trend of "collecting" people, of having a legion of acquaintances with whom to kill off down time with. And now I don't seem to have much of anybody around.
Of course there are the good friends, the close ones I keep solid with for very good reason, but we're parted by a factor of many miles and it's not like we can just randomly say "Hey, I'm bored, wanna get together?". No, it's a production when the travel is so involved. And as such, I spend much more time alone, and I have a hard time with that.
Even living with the significant other, we don't entirely satisfy all of each others' needs. We have different interests, different hobbies, and I maintain that such a thing is healthy in a relationship so we don't smother each other, but at the same time it can really feel lonesome even with that other party around. I'm not sure if it's me, my outlook that needs adjustment, or if this is a problem plenty of people seem to face.
I get depressed and lonely with tragic ease. I want to be around people I care about, around friends who are the caliber of those I live so far away from all the time. But I can't, not here. Not anywhere, unless we enter into one of those crazy furry commune homes, which would offend an entirely different part of my personal needs. Maybe that's the issue - maybe one part of me is a complete dichotomy from another and that wildly differing spectrum of my personality makes ultimate satisfaction of all my wants and needs impossible to achieve. Maybe what I have right now really is as good as it gets.
Does anyone else have this problem? This desire for specific and affectionate contact with very close friends but at the same time this strong independent drive? How do you reconcile it? Or does this just sound like the ramblings of a sad man with so few friends left in his day to day that it's driving him quietly loopy?
For the past more or less fie years, just about all of the folks that I have meet have been through two people: Milt and Tom. Sure, I've tried to branch out last year with a DnD group, but my changing schedule slowly derailed that. And trying to remember three sets of D&D set-ups just fried my brain of the game that I lost contact with that circle.
And even though I have been assimilated into Tom's Circle through the power of Magic: The Gathering, for the most part, that's my only connection with just about everyone in his circle of friends. I don't think I can even count the number of times I've done something non-MtG related with his circle that didn't have Tom involved to some degree. And since Tom and I live and together, we don't just hang out.
It doesn't help that I honestly feel that I am socially awkward within the realm of furry, verging a little on the inept side. I can't really connect with most furries unless the stable footing of tabletop games are involved. I'm an amazing listener from what I've heard, but I can't seem to hold a conversation that I initiate. And I'm the type of person that could just watch someone draw for hours on end, which I feel could get a little creepy after the first few minutes (is someone's personal bubble is that sensitive).
As for a solution? Honestly, I can't think of one off the top of my head. Best I can offer is the little bit of knowledge of you're not alone in this mentality.
As for the hanging out, that's still a bit of a problem. Considering that I work Sun through Thurs starting at 4ish. But there's the off chance that I can simply get called out, with the most likely day for that being on Wednesday. As for my Fridays and Saturdays? I almost always play them by ear. I may have something that is always planned (like laundry every couple weeks), but other than that, its normally a matter of call me and I'll be free.
Just don't go loopy! Keep busy, and continue to post your excellent photos, as I love seeing them up here. I'll have to get back to posting myself, I've been so withholding lately, ooh!
I have that similar problem... I think. the only difference between you and I is that you have the means to satisfy that need... I think. there is a lot of think going on here ._.; sorry I can't more D: but I think (argh) I know how you're feeling. then again, it might be an opposite feeling.... I DON'T KNOW. all I know is that I'm for you if you wanna melt my ears off sometime :c *hearts*
Sorry my attempt to cheer you up became a little depressing, lol. The point is, you're not alone. Both with these feelings and in general. Like I know you and I never see each other any more and rarely get a chance to talk, but I do still think of you fondly and consider you a friend. And in the end I think that's what's most important. <3