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Goodbyes are Harder than You Think
13 years ago
It is with a heavy heart that I write this journal, as not many of you on here actually know me. So let's start with some introductions.
My names Sean Taylor. I'm a 25 year old Brit living in the US. I live with 3 roommates. I'm bisexual and a TG in the sense that I feel more like a women than I will ever feel like a guy. I've got a Bachelor's Degree in Veterinary Science and currently interning at my local animal hospital. I am an Athiest, though I wonder how I've gotten by with this outlook. I've learned so much about myself within the past year that I don't know myself any longer.
I love my job, my life, my family and friends. My hobbies include playing, and teaching on the side, the violin, viola, cello and guitar. I love fantasy book such as Eragon (but Dragons? I don't even). I also enjoy science non- fiction <3.
I think pretty logically even though most people might frown upon it. I don't do things I'm not used too.
I've got a lot of medical problems that I deal with on a daily basis. It affects my life quite a bit. I feel distanced from society due to them. For this reason, depression has pretty much taken over my life since I was a kid. I've tried committing suicide multiple times, being unsuccessful as you can see.
I have an immunodeficiency. What this means is that I'm pretty much sick all the time as I have next to no immune system. This.. sucks.
I get migraines almost every day. Because of this, I'm on pain medication most of the day just trying to function as a normal person. Not many people know how much I crave to feel normal, to be normal.
I've inherited Glaucoma from my parents. For those of you who don't know, glaucoma is a disease in which pressure builds up in the eyes and damages the optic nerves. I take special eye drops to help release some of the pressure, but eye drops will only go so far. I'm already wearing bifocals for god's sake xD.
I've got a lot of other things I could talk about but I'll get down to the main thing.
I've been dealing with Cystic Fibrosis for my entire life. I inherited it from my father (thanks Dad <3). For those who don't know, Cystic Fibrosis is a condition in which the body produces thick mucus, making it extremely hard to breath. Most deaths occur from infections of the lungs. Coupled with my suckish immune system, I'm pretty much living every day in fear of death.
Within the past two months, I've tried committing suicide once because I'm honestly to afraid to face the truth. The doctors can't give me an estimate on how long it'll take, but it's coming. Every day I'm living, I get one step closer to and inevitable fate. The truth sucks but I'm happy to know that I'm fighting this infection the best my body will allow me too. I'm extremely grateful for at least being 25 (getting this far has been a challenge ^^).
Out of the bad news at last :D.
I thank all of you guys for being as kind as you have, even if we've had minimal communication. Your art has made each day a joy since I've been a member ^^. I hope that my art style has somewhat improved since I started. I can thank you all for that. Looking at your works have given me new perspectives on drawing that I didn't have before.
I would also like to thank my girlfriend, Kailin, for being there for me always. You've helped me step outside of my comfort zone with many things. I hope with everything you've had to deal with with me lately has made you hate me. I'll always be beside you whether or not I'm here, there, or anywhere else.
I love you all with all my heart. This post isn't for attention, sympathy, or anything else. I just want you guys to know what's going on in my life and how much you all mean to me ^^.
Love.
Sean Taylor
My names Sean Taylor. I'm a 25 year old Brit living in the US. I live with 3 roommates. I'm bisexual and a TG in the sense that I feel more like a women than I will ever feel like a guy. I've got a Bachelor's Degree in Veterinary Science and currently interning at my local animal hospital. I am an Athiest, though I wonder how I've gotten by with this outlook. I've learned so much about myself within the past year that I don't know myself any longer.
I love my job, my life, my family and friends. My hobbies include playing, and teaching on the side, the violin, viola, cello and guitar. I love fantasy book such as Eragon (but Dragons? I don't even). I also enjoy science non- fiction <3.
I think pretty logically even though most people might frown upon it. I don't do things I'm not used too.
I've got a lot of medical problems that I deal with on a daily basis. It affects my life quite a bit. I feel distanced from society due to them. For this reason, depression has pretty much taken over my life since I was a kid. I've tried committing suicide multiple times, being unsuccessful as you can see.
I have an immunodeficiency. What this means is that I'm pretty much sick all the time as I have next to no immune system. This.. sucks.
I get migraines almost every day. Because of this, I'm on pain medication most of the day just trying to function as a normal person. Not many people know how much I crave to feel normal, to be normal.
I've inherited Glaucoma from my parents. For those of you who don't know, glaucoma is a disease in which pressure builds up in the eyes and damages the optic nerves. I take special eye drops to help release some of the pressure, but eye drops will only go so far. I'm already wearing bifocals for god's sake xD.
I've got a lot of other things I could talk about but I'll get down to the main thing.
I've been dealing with Cystic Fibrosis for my entire life. I inherited it from my father (thanks Dad <3). For those who don't know, Cystic Fibrosis is a condition in which the body produces thick mucus, making it extremely hard to breath. Most deaths occur from infections of the lungs. Coupled with my suckish immune system, I'm pretty much living every day in fear of death.
Within the past two months, I've tried committing suicide once because I'm honestly to afraid to face the truth. The doctors can't give me an estimate on how long it'll take, but it's coming. Every day I'm living, I get one step closer to and inevitable fate. The truth sucks but I'm happy to know that I'm fighting this infection the best my body will allow me too. I'm extremely grateful for at least being 25 (getting this far has been a challenge ^^).
Out of the bad news at last :D.
I thank all of you guys for being as kind as you have, even if we've had minimal communication. Your art has made each day a joy since I've been a member ^^. I hope that my art style has somewhat improved since I started. I can thank you all for that. Looking at your works have given me new perspectives on drawing that I didn't have before.
I would also like to thank my girlfriend, Kailin, for being there for me always. You've helped me step outside of my comfort zone with many things. I hope with everything you've had to deal with with me lately has made you hate me. I'll always be beside you whether or not I'm here, there, or anywhere else.
I love you all with all my heart. This post isn't for attention, sympathy, or anything else. I just want you guys to know what's going on in my life and how much you all mean to me ^^.
Love.
Sean Taylor
