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important gender-related info and requests
13 years ago
Hi guys,
Since LJ is gone and twitter is pretty much the worst way to announce important information ever, I figured a journal here is my best option to try to say something to everyone I know at once. This is something that's really important to me that I'm asking you to keep in mind.
I'm transgendered, probably technically genderqueer. I'm not going to go through the whole back story here (talk to me privately if you like) but I do not consider myself female. I've been on testosterone since the spring. I'm not planning to "fully transition" to male at this time, because I don't really identify as male either. I'm third-gendered, an androgyne, and most comfortable somewhere in between those two ends of the spectrum. My ideal body looks pretty much like mine does now, plus a penis. This is something I'm serious about, that is very important to me, and not something I'm playing around with for fun furry character reasons.
What I'm asking of my friends is really simple:
1. Please don't use female pronouns for me. Don't call me she, or ma'am, or miss, or girl, or lady, please please please. I am asking for "they" used as a singular pronoun, or "the tiger", or you can even use "it" like you would for an animal. I like being called "boy"; to some extent that's more a role than a gender. You can phrase things to have no pronouns at all if you want! Mistakes are ok as long as you realize it! Just apologize or correct yourself and carry on, OK?
2. Please be aware that saying things like "if only you had a penis I would grope it" is kind of crappy and makes me feel extremely conscious of how my body is never going to match what's in my head. It also puts me firmly on the outside of the group of most of my friends.
I've told some people individually and announced it in twitter a few times, but it's really hard to have this conversation with everyone I know over and over--so I'm trying the broadcast approach here. Please send me a message if you want to talk about it in more detail! I'm totally willing to discuss it, I'm pretty comfortable with explaining to anyone who is interested and respectful.
I know this is hard to remember when you're dealing with someone you've known for a while as a different gender, and that you only see a few times a year. But I can also tell the difference between someone who is trying and forgetting, and someone who is ignoring what I'm telling them because they're not taking it seriously. Thanks for being considerate! :)
Since LJ is gone and twitter is pretty much the worst way to announce important information ever, I figured a journal here is my best option to try to say something to everyone I know at once. This is something that's really important to me that I'm asking you to keep in mind.
I'm transgendered, probably technically genderqueer. I'm not going to go through the whole back story here (talk to me privately if you like) but I do not consider myself female. I've been on testosterone since the spring. I'm not planning to "fully transition" to male at this time, because I don't really identify as male either. I'm third-gendered, an androgyne, and most comfortable somewhere in between those two ends of the spectrum. My ideal body looks pretty much like mine does now, plus a penis. This is something I'm serious about, that is very important to me, and not something I'm playing around with for fun furry character reasons.
What I'm asking of my friends is really simple:
1. Please don't use female pronouns for me. Don't call me she, or ma'am, or miss, or girl, or lady, please please please. I am asking for "they" used as a singular pronoun, or "the tiger", or you can even use "it" like you would for an animal. I like being called "boy"; to some extent that's more a role than a gender. You can phrase things to have no pronouns at all if you want! Mistakes are ok as long as you realize it! Just apologize or correct yourself and carry on, OK?
2. Please be aware that saying things like "if only you had a penis I would grope it" is kind of crappy and makes me feel extremely conscious of how my body is never going to match what's in my head. It also puts me firmly on the outside of the group of most of my friends.
I've told some people individually and announced it in twitter a few times, but it's really hard to have this conversation with everyone I know over and over--so I'm trying the broadcast approach here. Please send me a message if you want to talk about it in more detail! I'm totally willing to discuss it, I'm pretty comfortable with explaining to anyone who is interested and respectful.
I know this is hard to remember when you're dealing with someone you've known for a while as a different gender, and that you only see a few times a year. But I can also tell the difference between someone who is trying and forgetting, and someone who is ignoring what I'm telling them because they're not taking it seriously. Thanks for being considerate! :)
Be well. :)