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Now that I am feeling human again, how about a gender post?
13 years ago
General
First, a question:
How would you "label" a relationship between a cisgender man and a biologically female genderqueer person?
I'm thinking about, like, Keer and Twapa or
Klashy and myself... I'm not looking for a label to USE - I'm just curious as to how people would perceive that kind of relationship. Is it het? Is it queer? Is it both? Does it depend on the sexual orientations of the people involved? If the genderqueer person identifies as male some of the time does that make them a gay couple?
It's funny because I'm realizing that relationships really depend on the people in them. Klashy and I are husband and wife. Sometimes I refer to him as my "partner" or "spouse" if I'm trying to obfuscate my sex, but when we're alone together we think of each other as husband and wife and I'm okay with that, because that's just... That's the kind of relationship we have. We're not JUST that. We're soulmates, partners, a best team. Our relationship is not distilled into these loaded, heteronormative terms. They mean what we choose them to mean for ourselves.
But I mean, I dunno. If I was with somebody else, maybe I would be a boyfriend or whatever.
Anyway. Now, an anecdote:
I went to the grocery store with my female friend the other day. I was wearing my binder and casual clothes. There was a Filipina lady running the checkout line we were in - doing the ubiquitous "thank you sir", "thank you ma'am" thing (I think it's a cultural thing that people from the PI are always polite like that). When it was my turn, she didn't say anything. She even saw my driver's license and didn't address me with a "ma'am", she just said "thank you". She may have been a little uncomfortable, but I was kind of pleased.
Because, well... Since English doesn't have a gender-neutral honorific a lack of recognition feels like a win. Because it means I'm passing as androgynous, at least in SOME capacity. I admit The rebellious, anarchist streak in me kind of enjoys it when people are confused about what to call me. Genderfuck FTW. XD
Anyway. So yeah. It's good to be back to feeling like myself again after 2 months of feeling crappiness!
How would you "label" a relationship between a cisgender man and a biologically female genderqueer person?
I'm thinking about, like, Keer and Twapa or
Klashy and myself... I'm not looking for a label to USE - I'm just curious as to how people would perceive that kind of relationship. Is it het? Is it queer? Is it both? Does it depend on the sexual orientations of the people involved? If the genderqueer person identifies as male some of the time does that make them a gay couple? It's funny because I'm realizing that relationships really depend on the people in them. Klashy and I are husband and wife. Sometimes I refer to him as my "partner" or "spouse" if I'm trying to obfuscate my sex, but when we're alone together we think of each other as husband and wife and I'm okay with that, because that's just... That's the kind of relationship we have. We're not JUST that. We're soulmates, partners, a best team. Our relationship is not distilled into these loaded, heteronormative terms. They mean what we choose them to mean for ourselves.
But I mean, I dunno. If I was with somebody else, maybe I would be a boyfriend or whatever.
Anyway. Now, an anecdote:
I went to the grocery store with my female friend the other day. I was wearing my binder and casual clothes. There was a Filipina lady running the checkout line we were in - doing the ubiquitous "thank you sir", "thank you ma'am" thing (I think it's a cultural thing that people from the PI are always polite like that). When it was my turn, she didn't say anything. She even saw my driver's license and didn't address me with a "ma'am", she just said "thank you". She may have been a little uncomfortable, but I was kind of pleased.
Because, well... Since English doesn't have a gender-neutral honorific a lack of recognition feels like a win. Because it means I'm passing as androgynous, at least in SOME capacity. I admit The rebellious, anarchist streak in me kind of enjoys it when people are confused about what to call me. Genderfuck FTW. XD
Anyway. So yeah. It's good to be back to feeling like myself again after 2 months of feeling crappiness!
There was a post on reddit I need to find that labeled orientations separate from the gender of the person whose sexuality was being identified.
Thanks!
By all legal and medically relevant definitions, what you described would be a heterosexual relationship. Socially it might just be "queer"?
The details of the genitals and exact definition of the relationship is, to me, often irrelevant as long as everyone (important to them) is happy.
If I were to throw around labels (which I don't enjoy doing in public), I feel lesbians are often attracted to men of a more feminine nature and would still associate themselves as culturally lesbian; those are the traits they look for and appreciate, despite the dick - although, of course, for most the dick is a turn-off.
If a lady or man is attracted to ladies and men of all degrees of masculinity and femininity, they're bi.
People often feel they should construct a culture around their choices so they can define themselves and their closest allies, but at the end of the day it's humans trying to enjoy one another. Personally, I'm not attracted to men anywhere near as often as I'm attracted to women, this is a good indicator I'm more interested in soft curves over dick and dude. Does this make me culturally straight? Most of the time. Does 'most of the time' make me bi? Possibly - But I wouldn't associate myself as culturally bi, I mean, do bi's even have a culture? And on top of that, it's very rare I find a guy sexually attractive.
Oh labels.
It would help if people focused on what traits they find attractive or what traits they find ugly in order to define their relationship, instead of just "straight or queer".
And yes, definitions of attraction and ugliness are highly subjective. I could talk about those all day :V
I'm kind of genderblind so it makes sense to me!
Just my two cents; take it as you like it.