FA+
Shop
What's the haps, on the craps?
13 years ago
Life has been profounding these days. I feel like, it's only going to get better with time.
Where do I even start? I see, it's been quite awhile since I've updated my journal here. Mainly because, I actually write in my own little journal, just like Doug Funny from Nickelodeon, from back in the days. I mainly write in it to keep my mind flowing, to help me move on forward when I'm stuck in situations in which I feel I'm just blah or to help me wake up my mind. I suppose it's a coping method, considering the fact about reality but I'll get into all that in a moment.
The past month, I've simply went to FurFright, got sick, studying/working ever since. And that really sums up my experiences from a macro-timeline point of view.
However, we are taught either through experience, or from class, or really, any form of interaction with a life form is that, the devil is in the details. There is no macro without a micro, and my timeline has so much more when we look into the smaller, finer moments of life, that is to say, when events are only seconds away of happening.
Allow me to compose with my instrument, and illustrate my desires onto 1's and 0's, sing to you, the moments of life's bittersweet symphony.
It all starts sometime in mid-October, where I've made a last minute decision to attend FurFright. It was a whole experience, and for the most part, I think I'll leave a chunk of that in my head, and leave it for telling in person. I can sum it up into saying, that it really felt like it was an end-of-the-world con. It was quite the adventure to arrive there with my best friends, Stray and Ryken. There weren't too many other friends that were well known, but we've made the best that we got and just want to thank you guys for being there, allowing me to realize what great, jolly souls there are. Most of the time we were simply too caught up with our own troubles, and then later found out about Hurricane Sandy blowing its way towards the convention. What a mess that was, luckily we've escaped without being held back. And that's basically my trip in a nut shell.
When I arrived home, I was so happy to see the sun. Thank goodness for California's sunny weather! It allows me to realize how much I ought to appreciate what I have over here. My next concern was the classes, and assignments I had missed. My trip exhausted me to no end, and it didn't help that I got a bit sick. After talking to my professors about my trip, they took it rather well, understanding instructors. So I had to study my tail off, claw my way through textbooks and coffee until my eyes were droopy as Droopy, the dog, himself. I did it, I didn't get a perfect A, but I did manage to pull off a B which is acceptable to me.
So now some time passes, and I'm left in the early days of November. I've caught up with my assignments, and I had some rough bumps in my life here and there. My moments in Ethics class has really shaken up my world. I'm beginning to truly see my place in society, or at least, starting to. I see that culture, and values/morals of today simply do not match my standard. Culture has become too commercialized, so much that it's just too obvious when someone is being trained to buy products. I cannot stand the radio, or to watch television anymore because 1/3 of time is spent telling me what I should do. I'm entertained by either Amazon/Netflix/AMC's $6 cinemas.
To add on top of that, Mathematics has really grown onto me, and starting to rationalize, abstractively, a whole lot better than before. Instead of scribbling random numbers, there's an actual a list of invisible numbers that need to be brought out from the paper, like that of a necromancer, that raises the dead, except it's on paper, and only numbers are coming alive. Basically, I can actually do math! I have the brains to do these mystic spells, I simply have to train and earn experience crunching numbers. This has truly changed me a whole lot, because for years I've been below standards and now I'm seeing it's actually possible! So that has been nice confident booster for me. I said that twice, did I? Drats.
Well, this all comes at a cost, I suppose. Much like how summons from the Final Fantasy series take up your bloated fat head. I like to be direct these days, I really don't have anymore friends on campus, perhaps one, but I hardly see him due to his music classes. I honestly thought he was going to have one class, and perhaps spend some decent time with me. We're good buds, and we've been known for doing that. We would play Chess for a couple of hours, but he added classes, getting more practice with music. He's already received his Associates, perhaps he's still earning for B.A., I wouldn't know. I don't blame him, it is his passion, his aspiration, and I respect him for that. Part of that is my fault too, work has been really busy lately due to the holiday sales, since I'm one of the few who can be trusted, I've been working my early-morning shifts, getting the store ready for sales.
So thanks to being enslaved to work, debt, I've made myself to be quite the lonely guy, which.... I must say, for the sake of keeping my own imagine, I'm rather... good looking. ;] To make matters worse, I realize, I'm not the talkative guy and I do not like to wait until something happens. I get this from my father, and the only time I ever learn or do things with him, is to do them, quietly. It's complicated, but this just means, I'm a man of action. I talk through my actions, my gestures, and good will. I show my respect, and do what it is that gentlemen do.
Oh, and also. I've been trying to improve my health, I've gone to the dentist, and I have yet to see an optometrist. Probably doesn't make sense, since I'm fat. I'm not even going to bother with medical, I simply do not have the means, and since I'm young, I'm using that as an excuse to distort my priorities and perspective. Although, the last time I've checked, I have a nice level of cholesterol, fair blood pressure, etc.
My encounter with the dentist was painful, figuratively speaking. I visited the office to find out that my mouth needs work. I have all four wisdom teeth that need to be removed, a deep cleaning, and some other tasks, I don't quite remember. So, basically, they told me that it would cost $2,400! This is with my insurance! Although, I did get a referral, and who knows if this guy is in my network so I'm trying to see if this is really the cost. But in order to get a quote from an oral surgeon in my HMO plan, that itself is quite a chore. What makes me cynical is that, even with my insurance, I was charged to visit them and such. I got a bill from my insurance company the other day, telling me *IM* responsible for these charges. It makes me angry, because it tells me to refer to my handbook, and in my handbook, matching the ADA codes it tells me that it's covered, for free! Grrr. Now I must telephone these fools, and sort this out. Otherwise, I'm further in debt by nearly $400 for events that are out of my control.
I don't even know if I want to see the optometrist about my vision. So far, I'm pretty sure I'm fine, maybe a 19/20 but at the same time, I think I have a bit of UV damage. I'm starting to see black spots, it's not bad, I tend to have a habit of exaggerating but it's noticeable. My brain fills in the gaps, but the thought of slowly growing blind kinda gets to me, but actually okay with this. I feel like, whenever my eyes are open, I am only being deceived anyways. My eyes are sensitive to the sun, and just been driving my crazy whenever I'm out now. I really need a pair of sunglasses but I simply need to carry them, a habit that I need to address.
Anyway, perhaps in the writing, everything begins to deteriorate, and before you, is simply someone who is just ready, waiting for death. I could go on about my life, but at this point, I can only see myself bringing out my sorrow so let me turn this around.
I realize, whenever people go online, we're only here to run away from our troubles, and seek out the good in life, reason with ourselves to cope with existing. Doing what we can to say, "It's okay, keep on dreaming" often neglecting reality. It's sad to say that it is only up to ourselves to deal with what life throws at us, and it is in our decisions, the choices that we make that help define our characters and outline who we are. Nothing will ever change until change starts within ourselves. This automatically happens whenever one strives to always improve.
For some reason, there's this idea planted in our head that we're suppose to wait until someone comes around and rescue us from our burning castle. Maybe this works for the ladies, but certain rarely happens with guys. While it's fine to live a white lie, there are moments when individuals have crossed the line and forget, before we curl into our warm little cots, we live on the flesh of humans, who are only natural to have selfish desires. There's hope though, the best part is that you'll always find that individuals who has managed to figure out that there's more to life than seeking fulfillment with one's own delicacies.
(I just wanted to add that, this most likely applies to more than half of users online, however there are plentiful creatures out there that are well-rational, and spiritual about themselves and I acknowledge and respect that.That being said, I just don't know where I'm going with my social life these days. The Furry Fandom has only made me feel a bit distant from it. I get this idea of Us VS Them. I dunno, I wouldn't be surprise if I spend much less time on the internet.)
It is the abilities of our own, the tools that we have available to allow us to construct a better life. While our resources are limited, it is in the human spirit, that history has shown us that, our drives, our determination, our blood, and our tears that allow us to conjure science fiction into reality. By allowing ourselves to be engaged with the air around us, with each breathe, words of hope, inspiration, and wisdom spreads, constantly changing, flowing flexibly like that of the water, and maintaining that fire of passion, that drive while standing firmly much like we see in nature, standing our ground. You are you, and you are what you make yourself to be.
Anyway, I've rambled a lot, I wish you all the best and best wishes. Thanks for reading, appreciate your time if you have read this far.
Where do I even start? I see, it's been quite awhile since I've updated my journal here. Mainly because, I actually write in my own little journal, just like Doug Funny from Nickelodeon, from back in the days. I mainly write in it to keep my mind flowing, to help me move on forward when I'm stuck in situations in which I feel I'm just blah or to help me wake up my mind. I suppose it's a coping method, considering the fact about reality but I'll get into all that in a moment.
The past month, I've simply went to FurFright, got sick, studying/working ever since. And that really sums up my experiences from a macro-timeline point of view.
However, we are taught either through experience, or from class, or really, any form of interaction with a life form is that, the devil is in the details. There is no macro without a micro, and my timeline has so much more when we look into the smaller, finer moments of life, that is to say, when events are only seconds away of happening.
Allow me to compose with my instrument, and illustrate my desires onto 1's and 0's, sing to you, the moments of life's bittersweet symphony.
It all starts sometime in mid-October, where I've made a last minute decision to attend FurFright. It was a whole experience, and for the most part, I think I'll leave a chunk of that in my head, and leave it for telling in person. I can sum it up into saying, that it really felt like it was an end-of-the-world con. It was quite the adventure to arrive there with my best friends, Stray and Ryken. There weren't too many other friends that were well known, but we've made the best that we got and just want to thank you guys for being there, allowing me to realize what great, jolly souls there are. Most of the time we were simply too caught up with our own troubles, and then later found out about Hurricane Sandy blowing its way towards the convention. What a mess that was, luckily we've escaped without being held back. And that's basically my trip in a nut shell.
When I arrived home, I was so happy to see the sun. Thank goodness for California's sunny weather! It allows me to realize how much I ought to appreciate what I have over here. My next concern was the classes, and assignments I had missed. My trip exhausted me to no end, and it didn't help that I got a bit sick. After talking to my professors about my trip, they took it rather well, understanding instructors. So I had to study my tail off, claw my way through textbooks and coffee until my eyes were droopy as Droopy, the dog, himself. I did it, I didn't get a perfect A, but I did manage to pull off a B which is acceptable to me.
So now some time passes, and I'm left in the early days of November. I've caught up with my assignments, and I had some rough bumps in my life here and there. My moments in Ethics class has really shaken up my world. I'm beginning to truly see my place in society, or at least, starting to. I see that culture, and values/morals of today simply do not match my standard. Culture has become too commercialized, so much that it's just too obvious when someone is being trained to buy products. I cannot stand the radio, or to watch television anymore because 1/3 of time is spent telling me what I should do. I'm entertained by either Amazon/Netflix/AMC's $6 cinemas.
To add on top of that, Mathematics has really grown onto me, and starting to rationalize, abstractively, a whole lot better than before. Instead of scribbling random numbers, there's an actual a list of invisible numbers that need to be brought out from the paper, like that of a necromancer, that raises the dead, except it's on paper, and only numbers are coming alive. Basically, I can actually do math! I have the brains to do these mystic spells, I simply have to train and earn experience crunching numbers. This has truly changed me a whole lot, because for years I've been below standards and now I'm seeing it's actually possible! So that has been nice confident booster for me. I said that twice, did I? Drats.
Well, this all comes at a cost, I suppose. Much like how summons from the Final Fantasy series take up your bloated fat head. I like to be direct these days, I really don't have anymore friends on campus, perhaps one, but I hardly see him due to his music classes. I honestly thought he was going to have one class, and perhaps spend some decent time with me. We're good buds, and we've been known for doing that. We would play Chess for a couple of hours, but he added classes, getting more practice with music. He's already received his Associates, perhaps he's still earning for B.A., I wouldn't know. I don't blame him, it is his passion, his aspiration, and I respect him for that. Part of that is my fault too, work has been really busy lately due to the holiday sales, since I'm one of the few who can be trusted, I've been working my early-morning shifts, getting the store ready for sales.
So thanks to being enslaved to work, debt, I've made myself to be quite the lonely guy, which.... I must say, for the sake of keeping my own imagine, I'm rather... good looking. ;] To make matters worse, I realize, I'm not the talkative guy and I do not like to wait until something happens. I get this from my father, and the only time I ever learn or do things with him, is to do them, quietly. It's complicated, but this just means, I'm a man of action. I talk through my actions, my gestures, and good will. I show my respect, and do what it is that gentlemen do.
Oh, and also. I've been trying to improve my health, I've gone to the dentist, and I have yet to see an optometrist. Probably doesn't make sense, since I'm fat. I'm not even going to bother with medical, I simply do not have the means, and since I'm young, I'm using that as an excuse to distort my priorities and perspective. Although, the last time I've checked, I have a nice level of cholesterol, fair blood pressure, etc.
My encounter with the dentist was painful, figuratively speaking. I visited the office to find out that my mouth needs work. I have all four wisdom teeth that need to be removed, a deep cleaning, and some other tasks, I don't quite remember. So, basically, they told me that it would cost $2,400! This is with my insurance! Although, I did get a referral, and who knows if this guy is in my network so I'm trying to see if this is really the cost. But in order to get a quote from an oral surgeon in my HMO plan, that itself is quite a chore. What makes me cynical is that, even with my insurance, I was charged to visit them and such. I got a bill from my insurance company the other day, telling me *IM* responsible for these charges. It makes me angry, because it tells me to refer to my handbook, and in my handbook, matching the ADA codes it tells me that it's covered, for free! Grrr. Now I must telephone these fools, and sort this out. Otherwise, I'm further in debt by nearly $400 for events that are out of my control.
I don't even know if I want to see the optometrist about my vision. So far, I'm pretty sure I'm fine, maybe a 19/20 but at the same time, I think I have a bit of UV damage. I'm starting to see black spots, it's not bad, I tend to have a habit of exaggerating but it's noticeable. My brain fills in the gaps, but the thought of slowly growing blind kinda gets to me, but actually okay with this. I feel like, whenever my eyes are open, I am only being deceived anyways. My eyes are sensitive to the sun, and just been driving my crazy whenever I'm out now. I really need a pair of sunglasses but I simply need to carry them, a habit that I need to address.
Anyway, perhaps in the writing, everything begins to deteriorate, and before you, is simply someone who is just ready, waiting for death. I could go on about my life, but at this point, I can only see myself bringing out my sorrow so let me turn this around.
I realize, whenever people go online, we're only here to run away from our troubles, and seek out the good in life, reason with ourselves to cope with existing. Doing what we can to say, "It's okay, keep on dreaming" often neglecting reality. It's sad to say that it is only up to ourselves to deal with what life throws at us, and it is in our decisions, the choices that we make that help define our characters and outline who we are. Nothing will ever change until change starts within ourselves. This automatically happens whenever one strives to always improve.
For some reason, there's this idea planted in our head that we're suppose to wait until someone comes around and rescue us from our burning castle. Maybe this works for the ladies, but certain rarely happens with guys. While it's fine to live a white lie, there are moments when individuals have crossed the line and forget, before we curl into our warm little cots, we live on the flesh of humans, who are only natural to have selfish desires. There's hope though, the best part is that you'll always find that individuals who has managed to figure out that there's more to life than seeking fulfillment with one's own delicacies.
(I just wanted to add that, this most likely applies to more than half of users online, however there are plentiful creatures out there that are well-rational, and spiritual about themselves and I acknowledge and respect that.That being said, I just don't know where I'm going with my social life these days. The Furry Fandom has only made me feel a bit distant from it. I get this idea of Us VS Them. I dunno, I wouldn't be surprise if I spend much less time on the internet.)
It is the abilities of our own, the tools that we have available to allow us to construct a better life. While our resources are limited, it is in the human spirit, that history has shown us that, our drives, our determination, our blood, and our tears that allow us to conjure science fiction into reality. By allowing ourselves to be engaged with the air around us, with each breathe, words of hope, inspiration, and wisdom spreads, constantly changing, flowing flexibly like that of the water, and maintaining that fire of passion, that drive while standing firmly much like we see in nature, standing our ground. You are you, and you are what you make yourself to be.
Anyway, I've rambled a lot, I wish you all the best and best wishes. Thanks for reading, appreciate your time if you have read this far.
I dunno about those doctors, man. They'll charge money right out of your ass just to let you know you're still alive.
How did you know it was a sleepy journal? :o I don't remember mentioning that. lol *shrugs* Ya know me too well. So many things to say, so little time these days.
Yeah, they often do that, I suppose. A lot of times, it's like, they don't really know for sure what's wrong with you until they have proof via blood tests/visual examinations/etc. Or just plain know you for over some time.