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Coming to terms with things
13 years ago
for those two or so people who actually care about this, you may notice i go missing from the site for weeks every now and then, well here is why.
The thing is, i have become severely disillusioned with my art lately, i tell my self how worthless (artistically) i am, how im stuck and how i just will never improve, there are days i cant draw even a line and even the times i can manage to draw something i'm never happy with it, everywhere i look all i draw is crap crap crap.
This is a problem because every day of my life i don't do something artistic is a day i feel has been wasted, my brain torments me with all the things i want to do, but i just can't. I can't, i can't, I CAN'T.
I feel everything i "know" about drawing is wrong and a hurdle, and i just wish i could forget everything and start over.
But the thing that burns me the most is the feeling of failing those who expect something from this, and even worse all those people i actually owe stuff i promised, everyday i wake up thinking of all the things i owe and i cant do because i have become so incompetent. Seriously. I also feel i become dumber every day but that's another thing.
So the bottom line is, everything in that picture is 100% true, Im a loser, I make myself sick and i am a cry baby over this.
But hey! before the two or so people who actually care about all this spring to action and pity praise me or whatever: don't!
This is not bating for a pity party hugbox jamboree, im posting this because i believe this is the first step to getting over this, coming in clean about it will allow to take some weight off me and hopefully will facilitate getting my shit together.
Also, no i am not depressed, im just frustrated with my art, im pretty happy about other stuff in my life, thank you.
wobbleblot
I promised you a pic for your birthday, in top of all i drew for you, this one was the one that actually was going to be your gift and it pains me that i havent had the mojo to draw it, i assure you it will happen.
catso
what i owe to you is the one that pains me the most because you PAID for it and it does hurts me tremendously every day that passes and i can do your pic, because it speaks poorly of me as a service provider. You shouldn't be tolarating this loosy delivery on my part and i humbly ask you to be a little bit more patient.
Now, something funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62Fql30NqIc
The thing is, i have become severely disillusioned with my art lately, i tell my self how worthless (artistically) i am, how im stuck and how i just will never improve, there are days i cant draw even a line and even the times i can manage to draw something i'm never happy with it, everywhere i look all i draw is crap crap crap.
This is a problem because every day of my life i don't do something artistic is a day i feel has been wasted, my brain torments me with all the things i want to do, but i just can't. I can't, i can't, I CAN'T.
I feel everything i "know" about drawing is wrong and a hurdle, and i just wish i could forget everything and start over.
But the thing that burns me the most is the feeling of failing those who expect something from this, and even worse all those people i actually owe stuff i promised, everyday i wake up thinking of all the things i owe and i cant do because i have become so incompetent. Seriously. I also feel i become dumber every day but that's another thing.
So the bottom line is, everything in that picture is 100% true, Im a loser, I make myself sick and i am a cry baby over this.
But hey! before the two or so people who actually care about all this spring to action and pity praise me or whatever: don't!
This is not bating for a pity party hugbox jamboree, im posting this because i believe this is the first step to getting over this, coming in clean about it will allow to take some weight off me and hopefully will facilitate getting my shit together.
Also, no i am not depressed, im just frustrated with my art, im pretty happy about other stuff in my life, thank you.
wobbleblot I promised you a pic for your birthday, in top of all i drew for you, this one was the one that actually was going to be your gift and it pains me that i havent had the mojo to draw it, i assure you it will happen.
catsowhat i owe to you is the one that pains me the most because you PAID for it and it does hurts me tremendously every day that passes and i can do your pic, because it speaks poorly of me as a service provider. You shouldn't be tolarating this loosy delivery on my part and i humbly ask you to be a little bit more patient.
Now, something funny:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62Fql30NqIc
Also you are a great artist.