I don't sleep normally. And in all actuality, my body never completely shuts down. On top of that, I'm choke full of so many thoughts and ideas that whenever I so much as grace the mere SURFACE of subconsciousness, I IMMEDIATELY begin to dream.

Just earlier, I was hardly "asleep." But I nearly was, and something that has happened more than once...happened again. A recurring "theme" in a "half dream."

Tl;dr version of that dream is, I begin to feel my mindstate slip back into what it was formerly like...back in the late 80s. The most immediate thought is of me being surrounded by loving family members, and focusing my every last thought on very, very simple things, like outside lights in a backyard at night, or, generally (and this will sound very akward), feeling as though I actually currently EXIST in that timeframe, which means that I begin to feel like everything I used to be back then - essentially the essence of a complete and utter lack of desensitization.

Before we were all "gaming gurus" and "heavy art enthusiasts" and "furries," we were people who honestly didn't know much, and were still absorbing all the kinds of things we know about today. We were "blank slates." Clean slates.

I open my eyes in the middle of this neural influx of how my past was, and when I see my surroundings I don't think of the year 2012. I don't think of my computer. I don't think of the technology of this era - iPods, iPads, iPhones, and etc. Everything I know becomes a blank, and I am made to think in the ways I thought in before I became wholly desensitized. But paradoxically enough, I still retain the knowledge I have now.



Basically, it's a recurring dream where I am literally standing beside my old self.



And interestingly enough, there is no clash or inner conflicts, because all in all I realize that even before I became desensitized I possessed all the inherent qualities of a desensitized person anyway. But since I am profoundly a realist, it only takes a mere hint of inner moral conflict to effectively mortify me concerning whether or not I become RECEPTIVE to what floods back into my mind.

What I'm getting at is this: Since in this dream I am made to UNDERSTAND the core nature of myself in my pre-desensitization state...



...I am made to thouroughly comprehend just HOW it is that your average, non-desensitized, shallow citizen may INTERPRET me...



As you all know, there are people who's only purpose for being on the internet is to simply humor themselves - the people you will never hear from. The silent 10,000+ people who view a porn drawing, but DON'T comment on it, and DON'T fave it, effectively remaining anonymous. Besides them, there are the silent, unknown, unspoken people who actually LIKE what goes on around Fur Affinity, but aren't brave enough to make themselves apparent, which brings me to my simple point.



In the cases of some people, they're taking the notion of what you do in art and communication here LITERALLY.



They understand you to fall under one if not a handful of hastily prejudged definitions, and that's all she wrote.



Here's why this interests me.



Aside from your typical forum snark who views you as "batshit insane" or just "stupid," there's the unspoken masses of people who take you so literally that the smallest notion of WHAT you do in art is enough for them. They don't post comments because they feel that what they have to say is just extremely basic (i.e. "I like how this looks" / "I liked that story" / etc.), and they don't show any signs of account activity because they wish to remain incognito.

People are reading into you. People are gathering information on you, like...



- you REALLY DO like the idea of monsters sucking dicks...

- you REALLY DO like the idea of monsters eating people...

- you REALLY DO like the idea of showing blood and gore...

- you REALLY DO like dog dicks...

- you REALLY DO like horse dicks...

- you REALLY DO like the idea of giving a blowjob... ()



...and etc, until they either become more interested in you up until they muster up the courage to communicate with you, OR until they become utterly horrified by the mere mention of you, and do their best to make sure you don't even know they exist.

---

BASICALLY, "lurkers be lurkin'..."



And I'm tickled silly at the fact that many of them are both extremely shy about making themselves known to me, or HORRIFIED at the mere THOUGHT of me...



So in summary, WE'RE ALL BOSSES, and some folks just can't take the "heat" that we never stop generating...



XD