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So! I just remembered!
13 years ago
General
"As below so above and beyond I imagine,
drawn beyond the lines of reason."
TOOL, Lateralus
drawn beyond the lines of reason."
TOOL, Lateralus
I had a Journal ranty thing I wanted to write! This is probably going to be really fucking lame and stupid. You shouldn't read it!
So Ginny and I went to the New Orleans-ish area for thanks giving. We didn't really do much. Just played video games, bought a dildo, and went black Friday shopping. Minus the black Friday shopping, we pretty much did what we do at home only 360 miles away from home. Which makes me think "Oh boy if we ever did go on vacation, we'd be the lamest fucking vacationers ever." "You maybe want to go see the St. Louis Arch?" "No, I just built it in Minecraft" This is not what my journal is about.
This is! On the way back we stopped at various rest stops and one of them was the Welcome Center to Alabama. If you ever seen a welcome sign saying Welcome to Alabama, you've gone the wrong way. Stop, and turn around at the nearest turn off you see. You may think you're going the right direction, you may even think you WANT to go to Alabamy, but you don't. TRUST ME!
I always love reading bathroom wall graffiti because it amuses me and i find some of it kinda fascinating. Bathroom walls are like the best forums there were before the internets. You get a chance to tell the world what you're all about, and you can say anything at all about yourself. This is why I like reading the messages because each one is individual to the person sitting on the shitter feeling the need to get something off their chest.
Of the two that stood out to me the most one said, "I fucking hate all those god damn homosexuals." Now, I may just be a bit biased here but think about it. You have a chance to say anything for hundreds of people to see each day. "My dick is LARGE" "Pussy is fantastic!" "Call 256-384-5579 if u like black cock and ur looking for good time." You can say ANYTHING, and you say you hate gay people.
I got to thinking, "Who the hell says that?" Obviously a very fail troll or a bigot, but beyond that? What's this person like?
I imagined some guy driving across 5 states, scarfing down pork rinds in one hand, and chugging a can of Dixxie brand beer in the other. His head is hanging out the driver's side window and the wind is barely managing to ruffle his stiff burly brown beard. This asshole is very disgruntled and as he shakes a hairy meaty fist flinging grease and pork rinds everywhere he starts to exclaim.
"GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING TRAFFIC! ITS THE GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING HOMER-SEXUALS FAUlTS! THOSe FUCKING QUEERS MAKE FUCKING EVERYTHING WORSE! GOD DAMN FUCKING DEMOCRATS! MOTHER FUCKING REBUBLICANS! IT'S ALL THE FAG'S FAULTS! I HATE BLACK PREISDENTS! THOSE FUDGE PACKERS PUT A BLACK GUY IN OFFICE! GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING FAGGOTS! HOMOSEXUALS MAKE ME SO ANGRY! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! MOTHER FUCKING RAWWWWWWWWR FAGGOT FAIRY LUMPY SPACE PRINCESSES!"
And, he does that across five states. Now, I can tell you there's a good chance none of us fucked your mother. But, if we did, your dad is gay.
As I said there were two messages that caught my eye. The other one I'd like to pretend was this asshole's "wife" who wrote in big giant letters, "BACON!!!!!" I'd like to imagine that this person really loved their bacon and could not wait to get to the nearest Waffle House so they could enjoy some fresh salty pig strips and exclaim out loud, "MORE BACON!"
also... a couple side notes. If you're looking for a reason to turn back at the Welcome to Alabama sign, all you need to know is Waffle House. Turn back and go to the nearest run down hickville gas station with an out of order bathroom out back and toast your ego waffle under the broken ass hand dryer. I promise you it is the exact same experience just... maybe a little bit cleaner with a little bit more give a damn.
also also... that phone number is one i came up with off the top of my head. I honestly don't know if it's a working number or not. I wouldn't call it, I wouldn't suggest anyone else call it, but I can't make you not call that number. I can say if you do call that number looking for some black cock there's a good chance there's not any waiting to pick up the phone. But, if you really want it... that shouldn't stop you from trying to find out. If you do call and someone answers, tell them you read on the internet they had a black cock and ask them to meat you out back behind the Waffle House where the rest of the gang rapes occur.
So Ginny and I went to the New Orleans-ish area for thanks giving. We didn't really do much. Just played video games, bought a dildo, and went black Friday shopping. Minus the black Friday shopping, we pretty much did what we do at home only 360 miles away from home. Which makes me think "Oh boy if we ever did go on vacation, we'd be the lamest fucking vacationers ever." "You maybe want to go see the St. Louis Arch?" "No, I just built it in Minecraft" This is not what my journal is about.
This is! On the way back we stopped at various rest stops and one of them was the Welcome Center to Alabama. If you ever seen a welcome sign saying Welcome to Alabama, you've gone the wrong way. Stop, and turn around at the nearest turn off you see. You may think you're going the right direction, you may even think you WANT to go to Alabamy, but you don't. TRUST ME!
I always love reading bathroom wall graffiti because it amuses me and i find some of it kinda fascinating. Bathroom walls are like the best forums there were before the internets. You get a chance to tell the world what you're all about, and you can say anything at all about yourself. This is why I like reading the messages because each one is individual to the person sitting on the shitter feeling the need to get something off their chest.
Of the two that stood out to me the most one said, "I fucking hate all those god damn homosexuals." Now, I may just be a bit biased here but think about it. You have a chance to say anything for hundreds of people to see each day. "My dick is LARGE" "Pussy is fantastic!" "Call 256-384-5579 if u like black cock and ur looking for good time." You can say ANYTHING, and you say you hate gay people.
I got to thinking, "Who the hell says that?" Obviously a very fail troll or a bigot, but beyond that? What's this person like?
I imagined some guy driving across 5 states, scarfing down pork rinds in one hand, and chugging a can of Dixxie brand beer in the other. His head is hanging out the driver's side window and the wind is barely managing to ruffle his stiff burly brown beard. This asshole is very disgruntled and as he shakes a hairy meaty fist flinging grease and pork rinds everywhere he starts to exclaim.
"GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING TRAFFIC! ITS THE GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING HOMER-SEXUALS FAUlTS! THOSe FUCKING QUEERS MAKE FUCKING EVERYTHING WORSE! GOD DAMN FUCKING DEMOCRATS! MOTHER FUCKING REBUBLICANS! IT'S ALL THE FAG'S FAULTS! I HATE BLACK PREISDENTS! THOSE FUDGE PACKERS PUT A BLACK GUY IN OFFICE! GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING FAGGOTS! HOMOSEXUALS MAKE ME SO ANGRY! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! MOTHER FUCKING RAWWWWWWWWR FAGGOT FAIRY LUMPY SPACE PRINCESSES!"
And, he does that across five states. Now, I can tell you there's a good chance none of us fucked your mother. But, if we did, your dad is gay.
As I said there were two messages that caught my eye. The other one I'd like to pretend was this asshole's "wife" who wrote in big giant letters, "BACON!!!!!" I'd like to imagine that this person really loved their bacon and could not wait to get to the nearest Waffle House so they could enjoy some fresh salty pig strips and exclaim out loud, "MORE BACON!"
also... a couple side notes. If you're looking for a reason to turn back at the Welcome to Alabama sign, all you need to know is Waffle House. Turn back and go to the nearest run down hickville gas station with an out of order bathroom out back and toast your ego waffle under the broken ass hand dryer. I promise you it is the exact same experience just... maybe a little bit cleaner with a little bit more give a damn.
also also... that phone number is one i came up with off the top of my head. I honestly don't know if it's a working number or not. I wouldn't call it, I wouldn't suggest anyone else call it, but I can't make you not call that number. I can say if you do call that number looking for some black cock there's a good chance there's not any waiting to pick up the phone. But, if you really want it... that shouldn't stop you from trying to find out. If you do call and someone answers, tell them you read on the internet they had a black cock and ask them to meat you out back behind the Waffle House where the rest of the gang rapes occur.
And I happen to LIKE the food at Waffle House. And I've never been to a dirty one, they've always been very clean.