Well it's been a month or more of worrying. As some of you know i spend time every year raising money for cancer groups. This year it meant a little more to me because my father was waiting for test after some indicators came back that he was very ill with cancer. the change in his antigen level was huge and he had all sorts of "nodules" showing that it may have been very bad indeed.

Today my mother called me to tell that the results of his biopsy came back and he is cancer free. it's something else going on but nothing that is as dangerous as cancer. This was obviously great news.

Everything in life is affected when the stress of a loved one being ill looms over head. My mind suffered for it even though it did not show to most friends and family. I had to do a lot of self discovery and did end up answering a lot of questions.

I have notice that i am tired of not being me. I spend so much time Keeping up appearances(something i got from my mom. She banana's about how people view things) that i forget who i am. i Forget that i don't particularly feel like i look and don;t spend any time just being me. My wife, the saint that she is understands that i am bit loony and loves me anyways. She really is amazing and supportive. I think i am going to spend more time being comfortable in my own skin in the future and not worrying so much about how people look at me. I don;t think this will change things much for those that know me but it will change how i feel about myself. Just maybe i won;t sink into depression and stop writing again. Because as i found out we can say we are happy all we want but that does not mean it's true.

Watch out. stories pending.
Mad thad is on the loose again.