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So you say you want a resolution
13 years ago
Contains: 100% me-focused hand-wringing and introspection.
I was recently (gently!) reminded that there's no genuine significance to New Years', so the tradition of pinning all our resolve for self-improvement in the following year to this particular arbitrary point in time is a little silly. That's true, but an arbitrary point in time is better than no point in time at all, so here I am. Spoiler alert: I don't so much have a resolution; more like placeholder for one that I don't properly know how to make.
This is sort of a good place to post this journal because this site constantly reminds me of the impressive things that creative people accomplish with their time. I get to view a number of (and am lucky enough to know and talk with a few) people whose creative output is impressive and inspiring (e.g. lapseph, rufellen, ...), and I've most always told myself that I'd like to be like that. I've messed about at various times with writing and with drawing and with creative-programming and etc., and the vexing thing is that I DO tend to find them rewarding, when I have actually done them; with the VOCT and other things, people's reactions and recognition have been exciting and encouraging and made me want to continue. ...But I have such a monstrous lack of any sort of discipline that, in the absence of hard external deadlines like those imposed by the VOCT, I just don't do anything that I don't have to. I'll fulfill work and household responsibilities, and then end up playing videogames and chatting and idling and etc. for the rest of my time, no matter how infinitely much time I happen to have.
So that's kind of where I am. In theory, I'd like to use more of my time creatively-- heaven knows if I'm being honest I've got more than enough time for it-- and I'm egotistical enough to think that I can produce things worthy of other people's consumption. The problems (as I see them) are discipline and/or accountability. I'd like to resolve to surmount those problems and establish some personal schedule for creative work and output, but after the failures of previous attempts at suck-it-up-and-do-it-ism, I have to admit I've got no ideas for how to do that and make it stick.
Maybe that's where you come in. Ideas? Suggestions? Grand schemes by which I might hold my feet to the fire, in light of the fact that when I just set deadlines for myself it fails because I just ignore them? I don't know whether this problem in particular is one that other people have struggled with, or to any similar extent.
Thanks for reading.
I was recently (gently!) reminded that there's no genuine significance to New Years', so the tradition of pinning all our resolve for self-improvement in the following year to this particular arbitrary point in time is a little silly. That's true, but an arbitrary point in time is better than no point in time at all, so here I am. Spoiler alert: I don't so much have a resolution; more like placeholder for one that I don't properly know how to make.
This is sort of a good place to post this journal because this site constantly reminds me of the impressive things that creative people accomplish with their time. I get to view a number of (and am lucky enough to know and talk with a few) people whose creative output is impressive and inspiring (e.g. lapseph, rufellen, ...), and I've most always told myself that I'd like to be like that. I've messed about at various times with writing and with drawing and with creative-programming and etc., and the vexing thing is that I DO tend to find them rewarding, when I have actually done them; with the VOCT and other things, people's reactions and recognition have been exciting and encouraging and made me want to continue. ...But I have such a monstrous lack of any sort of discipline that, in the absence of hard external deadlines like those imposed by the VOCT, I just don't do anything that I don't have to. I'll fulfill work and household responsibilities, and then end up playing videogames and chatting and idling and etc. for the rest of my time, no matter how infinitely much time I happen to have.
So that's kind of where I am. In theory, I'd like to use more of my time creatively-- heaven knows if I'm being honest I've got more than enough time for it-- and I'm egotistical enough to think that I can produce things worthy of other people's consumption. The problems (as I see them) are discipline and/or accountability. I'd like to resolve to surmount those problems and establish some personal schedule for creative work and output, but after the failures of previous attempts at suck-it-up-and-do-it-ism, I have to admit I've got no ideas for how to do that and make it stick.
Maybe that's where you come in. Ideas? Suggestions? Grand schemes by which I might hold my feet to the fire, in light of the fact that when I just set deadlines for myself it fails because I just ignore them? I don't know whether this problem in particular is one that other people have struggled with, or to any similar extent.
Thanks for reading.
I find i can do the same with other writing too if I'm using a friends character, i dun wanna keep them waiting or disappoint anyone so it gives me an incentive to finish not because I've got a deadline but because i want the friends I'm using to enjoy the story.
Thanks for weighing in.
I'm not sure if that'll ultimately be able to help you or not, though. We all have different situations, after all.
I don't like the commission model much though. Anyone that would pay me for anything could firstly probably get better use out of the money than I would, and secondly I'd feel silly doing it 'cos the amount of time it'd take to create something would waaaaay outpace what someone would pay for it... but it's worth thinking about, I guess, since it does do what you say it does. Thanks for the thoughts.
We should try collaborating at some point on a project! Maybe a simple game or something. Nothing too big, though, at least not yet. Also, I'm planning on resuming work on VH in a month or so, so that'll give us another opportunity to collaborate. n.n
I think trying to explain what you should do is impossible because there's not one thing that motivates everyone, so instead the best I can do is explain what motivates me and maybe with any luck that'll kick your gears into motion?
I guess in short it's THE TERROR AND FEAR. I think of future-Fen and that usually does it~. Future-Fen has to deal with whatever I do or don't do, and the thought of future-Fen being depressed with not having done anything for the past week/month/year just.... does it.
My life is a constant stream of blind fear. And that works for me!
Thanks for your view!
Not to say it works that way with every brain, but it's better to assume you're part of the rule, not the exception. I think part of what's holding you back so much is that you're being hard on yourself about everything. Instead of focusing on the stuff you "need" to do, try working on something you want to do. Just something short and enjoyable to get your creative juices flowing again. And do a ton of that, only working on those other obligations when you actually subconsciously want to (You'll know when that is when you start feeling inspired).
There's my two cents, and it's backed up by actual brain research, PLUS my own personal experience. :)
Still, the focus on creating 'for me' rather than trying to satisfy some pressure-supplying external source of demand is a fair and clear principle for me to keep in mind, whatever I end up trying to do. (The decrease in satisfaction when being paid to do something always amused me to).
Thanks a lot. Your feedback is meaningful to me.