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For 2013 I'm Going to Seem Like a Douche
12 years ago
At the beginning of November, 2012, I put on Skype that I was going to be cleaning up my list on there, and if anyone wanted to stay they should tell me so. One friend in particular was one I -knew- wasn't going to make it... he hadn't talked to me in a month, at that point, and he had 400+ contacts on there, so it's not like he ever even knew/noticed if I was on. To make it better, I even sent him a Christmas card. Do you think I ever heard from him, to stay on the list, or to say thank you for the card? Nope! But sure enough, when I took him off my list yesterday, within the hour I got a request from him to add me again. I declined that, without question. And while there are multiple others like him on my Skype with dozens or even hundreds of contacts, surprisingly basically all of them asked to stay. This individual in question was one of maybe 4 or 5 who didn't.
I also just went through my list here on Fah of people I'm watching, and unwatched at least a dozen people. Some were artists who just vanished and took everything with them, which... always irks me, but whatever. But a few were friends... or people I used to consider friends. I realized, however, that I only still had them on my list because I still wanted to believe that we were friends... disregarding the fact that I hadn't heard from them in years. And while part of me wanted to hope that it didn't matter, the rest of me knew that it did. No contact in years? And when the last few times we -did- talk, it was at my instigation? No... it's not a friendship, anymore. And it barely was, then.
All of this rambling is just basically me saying: for 2013 I'm really, REALLY going to take a look at how others interact with me. If it's clear I'm just in their lives to pass the time when they're bored, I don't need them. I'm tired of playing the nice guy, and then feeling used and subsequently depressed at the end of it all. I love interacting with people, but it's gradually become painfully clear that I'm often just a filler... I've even been -told- before by someone that they were only talking to me until so-and-so got online. You know what that tells me? That tells me not to even bother with you.
I know some of you, like the aforementioned individual, have hundreds of people on your list, be it watching on Fah or on your IMs. In those cases, I almost expect to disappear, to vanish amongst the ranks. That's fine and dandy, because I -expect- it. But in turn, don't expect me to have second thoughts about discarding someone who never really knew I was there. And don't tell me that -I- have to talk to -them-... because about 90% of the time, they're busy playing a game, or some other thing that means they can't have a successful or meaningful conversation.
It really does pain me to have to let go of some people who I consider friends, especially those who it felt as though I was just beginning to build good relationships with. But as always, it seems that my usefulness and worth tends to last about a month or two, and then *poof*... I get silence. Some people stick around longer than that, and those people know who they are, and know that they're not included in all of the above.
I'm very, -very- sorry to post this huge journal, but I feel it all needed to be said. I'm tired of getting depressed over the fact that some people just... get bored with me. From now on, I'm not bending over backward to try and keep being "exciting" for them just "a little bit longer". I give chances for you to tell me if you want me around. If you don''t tell me, I'm not going out of my way to "double-check"... I'm going to move on. From that point forward, I'll have decided I don't need you, just as you apparently don't need me.
In the end, few of -you- probably even read this. You saw mounds of text and backed out. And -that's- what I'm talking about.
TL;DR - Looks like I have to come across as an asshole for 2013 to find out who really cares. Sorry.
I also just went through my list here on Fah of people I'm watching, and unwatched at least a dozen people. Some were artists who just vanished and took everything with them, which... always irks me, but whatever. But a few were friends... or people I used to consider friends. I realized, however, that I only still had them on my list because I still wanted to believe that we were friends... disregarding the fact that I hadn't heard from them in years. And while part of me wanted to hope that it didn't matter, the rest of me knew that it did. No contact in years? And when the last few times we -did- talk, it was at my instigation? No... it's not a friendship, anymore. And it barely was, then.
All of this rambling is just basically me saying: for 2013 I'm really, REALLY going to take a look at how others interact with me. If it's clear I'm just in their lives to pass the time when they're bored, I don't need them. I'm tired of playing the nice guy, and then feeling used and subsequently depressed at the end of it all. I love interacting with people, but it's gradually become painfully clear that I'm often just a filler... I've even been -told- before by someone that they were only talking to me until so-and-so got online. You know what that tells me? That tells me not to even bother with you.
I know some of you, like the aforementioned individual, have hundreds of people on your list, be it watching on Fah or on your IMs. In those cases, I almost expect to disappear, to vanish amongst the ranks. That's fine and dandy, because I -expect- it. But in turn, don't expect me to have second thoughts about discarding someone who never really knew I was there. And don't tell me that -I- have to talk to -them-... because about 90% of the time, they're busy playing a game, or some other thing that means they can't have a successful or meaningful conversation.
It really does pain me to have to let go of some people who I consider friends, especially those who it felt as though I was just beginning to build good relationships with. But as always, it seems that my usefulness and worth tends to last about a month or two, and then *poof*... I get silence. Some people stick around longer than that, and those people know who they are, and know that they're not included in all of the above.
I'm very, -very- sorry to post this huge journal, but I feel it all needed to be said. I'm tired of getting depressed over the fact that some people just... get bored with me. From now on, I'm not bending over backward to try and keep being "exciting" for them just "a little bit longer". I give chances for you to tell me if you want me around. If you don''t tell me, I'm not going out of my way to "double-check"... I'm going to move on. From that point forward, I'll have decided I don't need you, just as you apparently don't need me.
In the end, few of -you- probably even read this. You saw mounds of text and backed out. And -that's- what I'm talking about.
TL;DR - Looks like I have to come across as an asshole for 2013 to find out who really cares. Sorry.
That is disrespectful to straight out tell someone that. I never had that happen but depending on the person I would of deleted them on the spot after that, to let them know you just hurt my feelings.
I know that we do barely speak to one another, but I do want to just say that I did read this whole journal.
Also, I'm going to heavily apologize for what I said to you last time we talked: I was mostly just frustrated and I'm not really directing it at you, but more your situation. I get mad because I care about ya, and I just hate when so much time goes by and nothing really tends to come of it. I know you're not really happy where you are, and I just want better for ya. So I'm sorry. :c
This online social/media stuff is hard!
Keep it my friend, I'll keep paying attention.