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2016 Recap
8 years ago
-Very- long post incoming. Wanted to do this and get it out of the way. It’s not that I expect anyone to read this… but at the very least, I’ll have it for my own personal future reference.
2016 has been… an interesting year. 2015 had plenty of things I would rather have moved on from, but it seems like many of them just kept cropping back up in 2016. Complete disconnect from certain individuals is the only way I feel I can really break away from all of that… but that disconnect is likely only possible via my complete removal from most of the social circles I inhabit online. But as for 2016 in more detail, let’s see…
My ex and I moved out separately, and he’s since gone back to his home state. Also, my best friend of the past 15 years moved halfway across the country with his fiancé and two kids. So now I’m left with pretty much no one local to do anything with, to any degree. It’s great to be reminded that other peoples’ lives exist outside of you… and that you’re easily replaced and left behind. I dunno… I don’t expect people to stick around forever. I just don’t expect years of friendship to be so casually discarded, either… but then-
I learned a bit more about friendships and the company I keep, this year… for better or for worse. I came to find that friends I lost a year ago… people I knew and trusted for years prior… considered me easily disposable the moment they heard a blatant rumor/lie about me. Which has really not helped my personal insecurities when it comes to who I get close to. When people who walk into the picture can have more sway over a friend of mine than I do… in less than half the time of knowing them… I think I need to acknowledge that I apparently make repeated terrible decisions on who I label “friend”, and who I invest myself into.
A lot of things helped to refine this viewpoint… the global, social, and political events of the year allowed me to see the responses of people I called friends and weigh where their hearts really lay. People don’t like discourse, anymore… they don’t like different opinions. And they don’t like waiting. They want everything now… and that includes relationships, which furs especially seem to think can/should happen in a matter of days or weeks. I’m not 13… I don’t think someone is “dating material” until they’ve stuck around for months… or years. And by then, everyone seems to have gotten bored and moved on to whoever gives them attention quicker. But this isn’t a post to complain about all of that… simply a post to note that I’ve taken a lot of this in, over 2016. I’ve seen more people come and go… I’ve seen how fleeting friendships can be when someone really just wants fawned over… and I don’t play those games, anymore. 2016 has helped to remind me why.
On the more chipper side of things, I do still have my dog… at this point he’s about the only real true joy I get out of life at home. I do have some friends who –have- still stuck around… the whole of my friendships isn’t a completely bad batch. One must simply sift through the majority of the bad to find the few good… and that makes them worth cherishing all the more. I don’t feel the need to give specific names or the like, but… the people I interact with the most are the people I hold the closest. They should know who they are… if they don’t, I’m not doing my job as a friend properly. I’ve met some new people in 2016… despite my track record of failure, I do still like to go out of my way to maintain social circles… and to repair the holes in them caused by those who have disappeared or left.
So how do I feel about 2016? It’s been an… unenjoyable year, on a whole… with glimpses of goodness tucked away here and there. I won’t say it was all a waste… again, I’ve still got some close friends… I’ve still got my dog, my health… and I’ve learned things this year that, even if they’ve been hurtful and will likely linger for a long time, they’re still things I would rather know about than go through future years unaware of.
I have no lofty aspirations for 2017. I want to take what I have, right now… and see where things go. I don’t plan ahead, much, anymore… that requires relying on other people a lot of the time, and that’s too shaky for me to do. I want 2017 to be good, obviously… a year from now, I hope I can read this post, and make a new one about how much better I feel about my life... my choices... my company... my hopes. But I won’t hold my breath on that.
2016 has been… an interesting year. 2015 had plenty of things I would rather have moved on from, but it seems like many of them just kept cropping back up in 2016. Complete disconnect from certain individuals is the only way I feel I can really break away from all of that… but that disconnect is likely only possible via my complete removal from most of the social circles I inhabit online. But as for 2016 in more detail, let’s see…
My ex and I moved out separately, and he’s since gone back to his home state. Also, my best friend of the past 15 years moved halfway across the country with his fiancé and two kids. So now I’m left with pretty much no one local to do anything with, to any degree. It’s great to be reminded that other peoples’ lives exist outside of you… and that you’re easily replaced and left behind. I dunno… I don’t expect people to stick around forever. I just don’t expect years of friendship to be so casually discarded, either… but then-
I learned a bit more about friendships and the company I keep, this year… for better or for worse. I came to find that friends I lost a year ago… people I knew and trusted for years prior… considered me easily disposable the moment they heard a blatant rumor/lie about me. Which has really not helped my personal insecurities when it comes to who I get close to. When people who walk into the picture can have more sway over a friend of mine than I do… in less than half the time of knowing them… I think I need to acknowledge that I apparently make repeated terrible decisions on who I label “friend”, and who I invest myself into.
A lot of things helped to refine this viewpoint… the global, social, and political events of the year allowed me to see the responses of people I called friends and weigh where their hearts really lay. People don’t like discourse, anymore… they don’t like different opinions. And they don’t like waiting. They want everything now… and that includes relationships, which furs especially seem to think can/should happen in a matter of days or weeks. I’m not 13… I don’t think someone is “dating material” until they’ve stuck around for months… or years. And by then, everyone seems to have gotten bored and moved on to whoever gives them attention quicker. But this isn’t a post to complain about all of that… simply a post to note that I’ve taken a lot of this in, over 2016. I’ve seen more people come and go… I’ve seen how fleeting friendships can be when someone really just wants fawned over… and I don’t play those games, anymore. 2016 has helped to remind me why.
On the more chipper side of things, I do still have my dog… at this point he’s about the only real true joy I get out of life at home. I do have some friends who –have- still stuck around… the whole of my friendships isn’t a completely bad batch. One must simply sift through the majority of the bad to find the few good… and that makes them worth cherishing all the more. I don’t feel the need to give specific names or the like, but… the people I interact with the most are the people I hold the closest. They should know who they are… if they don’t, I’m not doing my job as a friend properly. I’ve met some new people in 2016… despite my track record of failure, I do still like to go out of my way to maintain social circles… and to repair the holes in them caused by those who have disappeared or left.
So how do I feel about 2016? It’s been an… unenjoyable year, on a whole… with glimpses of goodness tucked away here and there. I won’t say it was all a waste… again, I’ve still got some close friends… I’ve still got my dog, my health… and I’ve learned things this year that, even if they’ve been hurtful and will likely linger for a long time, they’re still things I would rather know about than go through future years unaware of.
I have no lofty aspirations for 2017. I want to take what I have, right now… and see where things go. I don’t plan ahead, much, anymore… that requires relying on other people a lot of the time, and that’s too shaky for me to do. I want 2017 to be good, obviously… a year from now, I hope I can read this post, and make a new one about how much better I feel about my life... my choices... my company... my hopes. But I won’t hold my breath on that.
2017 holds better things in store for you.
As you said, you have your health, your dog, and a few close friends,
and that is a lot to be thankful for.
I wish you all the best!