It kinda feels sometimes like here in the west world, people can severely hate weakness in others sometimes. To the point of leaving you, debauchery of yourself and far more.

But then I can only think the hate for someone is only as strong as the love feelings were for them.

But I feel down... I feel... like I'm a deadline constantly. Like I have to fix things super fucking fast. I have to fix emotions, myself, so extremely fucking fast like I'm at work or something; somehow I think I'm starting to notice old habits die hard. I'm trying not to fix myself from self delusion, apathy, depression, and well, it all feels so fast. I desperately want this relationship and I'm trying to fix myself so fucking fast, but my whole life feels like that.

I really do want friends to really give me time on myself, realize, I have and am insecure in ways I don't like to admit. I like to think I am the confident stoic guy but there is a heart in here. I feel people really need to be more patient to be my friend...