I really need to get back on the fur train I think. Ive been doing my lifestyling alone with Luca mostly in 2012. Sure Ive gone out a bunch and hung out with furs, I went to Furthest North, and I went to the Meat n Greet, but it kind of doesn't really feel like I fulfilled myself enough. I had a great year, I really did, but 2011 was so socially awesome for me that I had a really hard time keeping up with how much was going on then. I guess I shouldn't expect that each year will be better than the last. 2012 was good and I am grateful. Not hat it was fault of anyone, but everything kind of drifted apart last year. all the relationships that I had right at the end of 2011 lasted all of 2012 thank glob, but everyone went their own directions; moving away, or focusing on work or school. Which I don't hold against anyone. I was thinking of getting into specifics like last year but I really don't know what I really want to say that would be new about my friends. I don't know if that's "a right now" sort of thing or not.

Last year in personal reflection I'm not sure how I feel. I've been trying to be a better mate with above personal average, but still mediocre effort. I've improved, but not as much as I would like to. Its hard battling laziness and my mind in general. On the social front I've again been working at my conversational skills. I think I have it down but I really really don't like small talk. if all there is to talk about is weather I don't want to waste anybody's time. I'm working on trying to bridge the idea of the small talk, but it doesn't really make sense to me. Sometimes when people ask me questions about life, or how my day was, by brain goes into overdrive wondering why anyone would care. I don't know if that's just some sort of mental condition, arrogance, or both. Also, believe it or not I have a bit of a temper. I try to hold it back, but once I start ranting about something I dislike, I begin to get excessive and over the top. It's something I've been trying to control. This is starting to turn into a general reflection, not a 2012 one; I'll change gears.

I think I'm getting bored of video games. I mean, I still play them, just not as much. They will always hold a strong place in my heart. I'm just tired of how the industry and fan base is evolving. maybe I'm just behind the times and I'm growing out of it. Something I don't want to happen, and I feel isn't the full truth. I'll see how 2013 plays out on this front. It wont be anything too dramatic, don't worry. I just think I'm going to stop referring to myself as a gamer for now. But if I slow my amount of gaming, what will I do? My difficulties with focus make other activities frustrating at times. I love beading, but it gets a little expensive at times, and I don't plan on stopping. However last summer I started cross-stitching and that's much more cost effective, but it takes forever to do. I tell myself to do it while I watch netflix or whatever, but its hard to focus when I'm watching new things. So, despite the many hours Ive put into it, don't have very much to show for it. Drawing is starting to get out of the question these days. I've been coming to accept that I just cant improve the way I would like, and not that I'm dropping it entirely, I just don't ever take the time to just sit down and draw because it ends up being a huge process and nothing really gets done. If I ever do finish art, I always look back on it in distaste. Its a vicious uncompleted cycle.

On the work front. Last year I told myself to be more responsible as a resolution. I did good actually. I improved my attendance greatly, I was much more ambitious and was willing to learn a great deal more tasks there and in the back third of the year things started paying off and bosses were really noticing me, and telling me I am eligible for promotions and whatnot. Good news, sure, but that extra step of responsibility kind of frightens me, so I've been avoiding those promotions for now and I took a lesser position of being one of the trainers, which really makes me feel a part of something for once. I really feel like I'm no longer just some guy in my workplace. So thats easing me into the idea of something bigger. Of course, the downside is that my theory is true that the more you apply yourself, the more others expect from you. not that I want to go back to being a spotty bum at work, but its hard staying afloat. I'll survive.

Ugh, I feel that three paragraphs is way too much personal reflection for this, I would delete it, but I think I need to let this out somewhere. 2012 was a good year for friends, despite the distances that came around. Through friends and parties I've ended up meeting more furs that I'm happy to have met. though sometimes I worry that I cant see some of these new people unless the people that introduced us are there. I'm really not good at the whole starting friendships thing. Working on it. I kind of have the paranoid feeling that some people assume I'm unapproachable or not open to new friendships. Believe me, I really love having lots of friends. I'm just not good at talking unless I'm drunk and making an ass of myself. And the small talk thing is so weird.

Now, on to 2013. I'm thinking as long as I don't do anything royally retreaded, It should be a good one. I didn't really make a resolution for myself at new years, mainly because the end of this year shot past without me even being able to catch my breath. In passing I said some stuff about trying to eat healthier, something I'm definitely already failing. Its not what I wanted, the last few years I've been working on self improvement and I'm definitely not where I would like to be, so I need to think of something I find acceptable soon. hopefully by the end of January, but deadlines really aren't my thing. I keep telling myself "I need to make a resolution today." and I keep putting it off, so I've decided my resolution will be to focus and finish what I start. I'll make deadlines and goals. and meet them. Even if I get frustrated and want to give up hope. like a few minutes ago when I accidentally deleted half this paragraph and two others.

My plans for 2013 are pretty open. I only have my anniversary vacation planned. every other vacation week will be spontaneous. Events I plan to go to are the usual, CCEE, Otafest, the Red and White Toy Expo. Also some new traditions Like The Pincade show and Furthest north. I'm hoping to pay off all my debts and start saving up for something big like a house. or smaller like a new suit or going to a fur con for once. One thing I really want to do is actually do the potluck I keep talking about holding. I think that will be one of the goals/deadlines I'm resoluting about. Also getting my damn learners already. its been too long. I was supposed to last year but noooo. Focus. Make goals and deadlines for myself. Meet my own expectations.

I think its time to close this big rant and review. So I'll do the classic essay denouement. 2012 was a good year, less exciting than 2011, but better due to the lack of drama. I didn't spend as much time with friends as I wanted, but that's perfectly fine. I was able to make new friends to add to future good times. I worked a bit too hard, but it was for the better. In 2013 I intend to continue my quest to better myself. I'm gonna stop giving up so easily and focus. I'm gonna be a real bro to more people. This year will be good. I'm sure of it. Lets hope for a great post apocalypse folks.

TLDR version: 2012 SUKD N WASNT AS GUD AS 2011 2013 WILL BE BETTER CUZ
I SED SO OK??