My name is Ginger Addy Smith but everyone calls me Pinky. I am home currently on my dad's property in upstate NY. It is very lonely here, I have no close friends since all my classmates went off to college last year and this town is tiny. I feel I have become a burden to my parents who spend thousands of dollars on doctors, optometrists, and prescriptions trying in vein to fix my deteriorating eyes. All this while I am forced to sit at home awaiting further doctor visits. Having nothing productive to do I indulge in video games, doodling, and taking pictures of myself in odd outfits and other things around me. These are the three things that make me happy in this phenomenon called my life.

Unlike most people who have an undetermined future, my future is already set. I was born with a mutation in my genetic code that is slowly forcing my eyes to shutdown. In 5 years my eyes will be nearly useless, and in a few years more I will be completely blind, only being able to perceive light and dark. It's like a death sentence. The doctors have suggested an eye transplant in 5 years, the catch being that the donor eyes would deteriorate from my genetic flaw also, becoming useless in a few years time. I'm like a car who's warranty has expired.

I opted out from the transplant list. Donor eyes are very special and rare, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I received someone else's eyes only to ruin them. Not to mention all the anti rejection medication I would have to take... and the knowledge that my original eyes are in a bloody bag somewhere :/

I'm so scared sometimes. There are times when I wake up at night shivering in a cold sweat, confusing the darkness of night for blindness, only to be reassured by the green glow of the digital clock that I am still okay.

*Caution Controversial Rant*
From my experience with my sickness I have come to the conclusion that there is no god. We are all just chemicals - reacting slowly together. Our bodies are just the result of these chemicals mixing. For example, if you stop breathing, you will die. This is because air contains many chemicals, one of which is oxygen, a chemical that allows other chemicals to react inside our bodies. Without oxygen, the chemical reactions inside of us cannot continue, and we die. We are no different from animals or plants in this respect - we are all just test tubes of chemicals in an ongoing reaction. (And if god wanted us to live happily, why did he require us to eat food (made of chemicals), why didn't he just create us to live without any requirements. If he was truly all powerful he certainly could have done this for us... I mean millions of humans have died all over the world from starvation and people continue to starve in some places)

I am living proof of the fallacy of god. I was born with a flaw that is a hindrance to my survival. My genes aren't meant to be passed down. If I reproduce my offspring will have my defect, what kind of person would I be if I gave life to children who were destined to suffer a slow terrifying illness.

I have a kitty named Pinky, a bunny named Nibbles. I hug them alot for support. My parents are divorced, I live with my dad, but mom usually comes over to be with me at the doctors office. If I ever wrote a Shakespearean play, it would be a tragedy entitled They Call me Pinky